Page 104 of That Friendzone Feeling
“Oh, that’s kind of you.ButI’mfine.”
“Tellme.”Shepats me gently on the arm. “What’sa beautiful young woman like you doing playing all by yourself?”
“Icame here to think.”
“Gotsome things you need to figure out?”
Ipress my lips together and nod.
“Manthings?”
“Ha.Maybe.”
“Well,I’llleave you to it then.I’msure you’ll make the right decision.”Shetakes a step toward her sons, then turns back to me. “Ifyou’re as good at everything as you are at this, maybe your friend’s right and you’re missing out on a lot of joy.”
“Comeon,Mom,” one of the guys calls. “Yourturn.”
“Youtake care, my love,” she says and trots back to her family with a smile. “I’mcoming.”
KingPinsreally does have all the answers.
Gettingstrike after strike by myself is all well and good.Butwhere’s the fun in it withoutWalkerhere to beat, without him pretending to squirm in pain at every defeat when in fact he couldn’t give a damn?
Igrab a ball and look down the lane.
Whathappens when you let go of doing the sensible thing?Whathappens when you do something you’re not sure you’ll be good at?Whathappens when you step into the unknown that you can’t control and don’t know how it’ll work out and there’s a danger it could all go horribly wrong?
Istart my approach.
Swingthe ball back.
Andshut my eyes.
Myheart rate picks up asIbowl blind.
There’sa thrill in not being fully in control, in wondering where it will go and how it will turn out.
Iopen my eyes to find the ball’s doing okay.Isit perfectly lined up?No.Willit be a strike?Notlikely.Doesit matter?Absolutelynot.
Ithits the pins and leaves three standing.
Butit’s not bad.Nota disaster.
Andthere was definitely some joy in letting it go into the unknown.
“It’sgood to hear from you,”Chasesays as he answers my call.
I’vebeen sitting in the parking lot outsideKingPinsfor about half an hour, working up the courage to call him.
EverywhereIlook, every decisionIcould make about anything seems to risk something.AndI’vedecidedIhave to pick the risk with the biggest potential reward.
“Thanks.”Isit as upright asIcan and force my face into a giant smile in the hopeI’llcome across as upbeat and positive as possible. “Iwanted to have a quick chat about next week.”
“Ah.”Hesounds like he’s relaxing into a soft seat to cozily discuss a romantic date.Hisvoice drops and gets huskier. “Isthere somewhere in particular you’d like to go?Somethingyou’d like to do?”
Imake my voice the exact opposite of his—super perky and bereft of huskiness. “Well, the thing is…”Butthere is a tremor in it, giving away the nerves in my belly.
Itake a breath and push my shoulders back.
