Page 102 of That Friendzone Feeling
“Itwould be great if you got to know him well.”
ChaseCoopermight be the one thing that makes my mom respect me.DespitemyMBAfrom a great school, despite building from scratch a fantastic company that could easily be worth a billion dollars once the resort is up and running, despite all my intellectual and professional efforts, the thing that finally does it for me could be simply knowingChaseCooper.
MaybeIshould just take the wins whereIcan.Fuckit,I’lltell her.
“He’scoming toNewYorknext week.I’llbe seeing him then.”
Momgasps. “Sosoon?That’sfantastic.”
“Yes.Actually, he’s asked me—”
“Andgreat timing.Sarawill be there next week for meetings with theCarnegieHallpeople.Couldyou introduce them?Ibet they’d be perfect for each other.”I’venever heard such excitement in her voice.
Thegrip on my stomach and my throat is back and tighter than ever.Andit’s joined by a weight on my chest like a truck just parked there.
Awave of heat washes over me, and my heart races with the panicky need to get off the phone beforeIlose all control and yell at my mother that perhaps it’smeChaselikes, perhaps it’s possible for someone other thanSarato be admired and desired and the center of someone’s world.
Iclose my eyes, and one tear after another, after another, rolls down my cheeks.Iswallow hard past the spikes in my throat.
“Oh, sorry,Mom.That’sWalkercalling.”Ican barelyget enough breath to force out more words. “Mightbe urgent.Abrewery thing.Haveto take it.”
“Okay, darling.Don’tforget, though.I’llgetSarato call you.Goodness, this is so exciting.”
“Bye,Mom.”
Ihang up.Thephone slips from my hand and hits the floor with a thud.
Igive up.Givein.Andlet myself curl into a ball as the tears and the sobbing and all the horrible snotty noises consume me.
Walkerwas right.Ofcourse he was right.He’salways right.Ido chase the approval of peopleI’llnever get it from—asshole men, my parents.There’sliterally nothingIcan do to change them or their minds.It’sout of my control, andIneed to stop wasting my energy and heartache on it.
Buthe’s always been there for me.Alwayshas my best interests at heart.Andthat’s what caring about someone really means.
Mymind flashes back to the night at his college apartment whenIcracked open the fortune cookie and had the idea that we could turn his beer-making into a business.Walkerhad that fortune cookie message laminated for me, and it’s been with me ever since.Isee it every day, pinned to the corkboard beside my desk at the office, telling me, “Whatyou need is right in front of you.”
Walker’salways been impressed by me.He’salways been there for me.Hewould move mountains for me.
Becausehe loves me.
Fuckinghell—WalkerDashwoodloves me.
AndIlove him.
Andhe’s been right in front of me this whole time.
Shit, this is a mess.
29
EMILY
Thebowling ball is smooth and cool.Itseems heavier than usual, but that’s impossible.
Thelanes on either side of me atKingPinsare occupied with groups laughing and sharing jokes and friendly rivalry.Theplace is packed, a stark contrast to how deserted it was the last timeIwas here withWalker.
Whereelse wouldIgo whenIneed inspiration, whenI’msearching for what to do, for an answer to a seemingly unsolvable problem?Ourlucky thinking place—the place where we came up with the nameToastedTomato, the place where we’ve talked through and solved numerous business issues since, and whereWalkercalledSterling, asking him to help us find a new backer and having the conversation that led us toChase.
Now, for the first time,Ineed this place to help me solve alifeproblem.
