Page 112 of That Friendzone Feeling
“Coupleof years?”She’shated what she does fortwo years? “Sowhy have you kept performing?”
Shesnorts. “Canyou imagine whatMomandDadwould say?”
Goodpoint.Iguess one upside of them expecting nothing from me meansIcan’t let them down too much. “Yeah.Iget that.Butwhy do you want to stop?Isn’tit making you happy?”
“No.Idon’t enjoy the music anymore.It’sallI’veplayed for seventeen years.”Shesniffs and gathers herself a little bit. “Andsome of the people in this world are unbearably snooty.”Hervoice is clearer and even has a slight chuckle in it.
“Ha.Now, thatIcan imagine.”
“Buthow canItellMomandDad?HowcanIsay, ‘Youknow all those years you sacrificed for me, all the extra hours you worked for my piano lessons, the years living apart soMomcould be inNewYorkwith me and travel the world with me untilIwas old enough?Yeah, well, it was all for nothing becauseIwant to stop.’Howthe hell doIsay that to them,Em?”
Seriously?She’shaving issues withMomandDad?Allthese years of me feeling likeI’vedone nothing but let them down, and now she feels the same?
“Ihave no idea.Butif you want to know what it’s like to disappoint them, you are definitely talking to the right person.I’vehad a lifetime of that.”
“Oh, don’t say that.Holdon a sec.”There’sa clunk, presumably as she puts down the phone, then a couple of seconds of silence before a loud trumpeting nose blow. “Sorry, that’s better,” she says after another pause. “Ican’t tell you how good it feels to just say this stuff out loud.Andto you.”
I’mashamed of myself for thinking all these weeks that she was texting me to brag about her fabulous life or tell me she had a wealthy friend who could helpToastedTomatoor to ask me to introduce her toChase.Allthis time she was falling apart and needed to talk to the one person in the world who understands our parents.
“I’mhappy it helps.ButI’msorryI’vebeen so caught up in myself lately thatInever got back to you.IfI’dknownfor a second you were going through something like this,Iwould have been—”
“Honestly, it’s fine.Iknow the idea of talking to me can’t be that appealing whenI’mthe only thing you hear about fromMomandDad.”
“Yeah, but it’s not your fault they do that.”Andit isn’t.ButI’mnot sureI’veever processed that before.I’vealways lumped the two things together.
“Ifyou want to stop playing concerts, what do you want to do instead?”Iask.Imean, how transferable are the skills of an international classical pianist? “Maybeteach or something?”
“Iwant to work with bands.”
“Bands?”Whaton earth does she mean? “Likethose big jazz band things with trumpeters and trombonists and stuff?”
“No.Bands, as in pop bands.”
“Popbands?”Thisis a bit of a leap.
“Yeah.Theyall need keyboard players when they’re on tour and in the studio.Anda whole bunch of solo singers do songs with just a pianist.”
“Oh, you mean like that thing you did withArianaTremolo?”
DuringTremolo’stour a couple years ago,Saraappeared as a special guest on one of her ballads and was a big hit with the pop fans who packed the stadiums.Thepress coverage mentioned how she appealed to such a wide variety of audiences and was able to cross over easily.
“Yes,”Sarasays, her voice regaining its strength. “Itgave me more of a buzz than anythingI’vedone in years.AndI’vebeen thinking about it ever since.”
“Well, you know what?”Isay with newfound suretyI’mtelling her somethingIknow to be true. “Youshould go for it.”
“That’sgreat.AndIappreciate your support.ButMomandDadsacrificed so much for me to buildthiscareer.IfIwalk away from it, it’ll be like throwing everything they’ve given me back in their faces.”Hervoice wavers again. “It’sripping me apart,Em.”
“Hey, look, maybe it’s time to listen to your little sister.Life’stoo short to spend it doing something that makes you unhappy.”IfIcan learn from a wise man, so canSara. “Anddefinitely too short to be doing things just to make our parents happy.”
“You’reone to talk,” she says. “Maybeyou should take some of your own advice.”
“MaybeIhave.”
“Oh, okay.Ican hear you smiling.What’shappened?Cheerme up and tell me about it.”
“Longstory short.Verylong story.Iguess actually about ten years long.”Awarm glow grows inside me at the thought of saying these words for the first time. “WalkerandIare together.”
“What?”
