Page 8 of That Fake Feeling
“Pleasehear me out,MissBellamore.Justone more minute of your time.Letme explain.”
Myfinger hovers over the red button.
“Itwould be highly lucrative for you,” he calls from my palm.
Well, okay.Iput the phone back to my ear.Iguess it wouldn’t do any harm to listen to him for sixty more seconds. “Goon.”
“Weneed help with a special project.I’veresearched a lot of potential candidates, and you are by far the most suitable person for the job.Perfect, in fact.”
“Whatexactly is the ‘special project’?What’sthe job?”
Heemits a nervous laugh. “Well, as you’ve seen from your experience with the photographers,Mr.Dashwoodis quite the darling of the gossip columns.Andit’s having an effect on his business.”
“What’shis business?”
“Oh, sorry.Ithought you’d have known.Fromthe press coverage of your, um,meeting,Imean.”
Icouldn’t have less interest in how that man wastes his days. “YouthinkIread that stuff?Hell, no.”
“Yes, yes,Icompletely understand.Well,Mr.DashwoodownsBigBrainToys.”
What?Sonot only is he not the bored trust fund guyI’dassumed he was, but he actually runs an educational game company?
“Seriously?AsinBigBrainToysthat makes the counting jack-in-the-box andReadingRobin?”Theyare two of my favorite toys to use with the littlest kids atTheLearningVillagewhereIvolunteer.
“Yes.Thatvery company.AndIbelieve you andMr.Dashwoodshare the same noble goal of setting the next generation on the path to success.”
Howcan he possibly know that? “Well, sinceIdo it from a tiny bedroom and with an empty bank account, and he probably does it from a giant penthouse while playingJengawith his gold bars, it might be a bit of a stretch to say we have something in common.”
“Well.Yes.Anyway,MissBellamore, asIsaid,Mr.Dashwoodis turning over a new leaf in an effort to revive his company’s profits.”Sterlingpauses to take a deep breath. “Andpart of that new leaf is shaking off his reputation as a partier by acquiring a delightful, completely scandal-free girlfriend.”
Stillno clues as to what the hell the job is. “Doyou mean he’s looking for an assistant to match-make him or something?”
“No.He’slooking for, or ratherIam looking for, the girlfriend.”
Thishas to be somebody playing a trick on me.
“Areyou saying you’re trying to recruit me as his girlfriend?Becausegetting a call from a complete stranger asking me to be the girlfriend of another complete stranger isn’t even remotely creepy or weird.”
“Notexactly.Thiswould be a business arrangement.”
Isit bolt upright. “Youwant topayme to have sex with the guy who knocked me into the tomatoes?Itsounds like you’re trying to do aPrettyWoman.Butwithout the charm or the romance or theRichardGere.”
“Oh, no.God, no.Absolutelynot.”Thepanic in his voice is oddly reassuring. “Therewould most definitely be no sex.No.Absolutelynone.”
That’ssomething.Butit’s still extremely strange. “Thisall sounds incredibly suspicious.AndIneed to go now.Ihave an essay to finish, and a non-weird job to apply for.”
“Justone more minute.It’svery simple.Andnot at all suspicious.”Nowhe’s serious and businesslike. “I’mhisPRperson.Hisimage is making people reconsider buying the toys.So,Ineed to clean it up.Andthe easiest way is to make it look like he’s fallen in love with a wholesome, all-Americangirl next door who studies special education, volunteers to teach kids with learning difficulties, and whose biggest crime is putting an extra spoonful of whipped cream on her apple pie.”
He’snot the only person who can get serious, because…what the fuck?
“Holdon.Youknow whatIdo?WhatIstudy?ThatI’min special ed?”
“Ofcourse.Ialso know there are no social media pictures of you draped drunkenly over anything.Inparticular, over any men.Infact, the most recent pictureIcan find of you with a man, that doesn’t feature a tomato massacre, was taken four years ago, and you were just standing side by side, smiling.Iknow you work three jobs, are up to your eyeballs in student loans, and struggle to make rent and pay tuition.Also, you might have noticed,Iknow your phone number.”
“Shit.”Iwas so caught up in this peculiar nonsenseIdidn’t even think of that. “Yes.Howdid you get it?”
“I’maPRlegend,MissBellamore.Ican find out anything.”Hepauses for me to bask in his brilliance. “Anyway, no one could be more on-brand forBigBrainToysthan you.AndsinceConnorcouldn’t currently be more off-brand, you’re exactly the right person for the job.Andat what would seem to be exactly the right time for you.”
