Page 5 of That Fake Feeling
“I’veheard a lot about you,Connor.”Thatsmarmy smirk will get annoying fast. “AndIhave a plan.”Yup.Alreadyannoying. “Letme share my screen with you.”
Hewiggles his bright blue shoulders as he fiddles with his mouse.Hisface slides into a small box in the corner while the rest of the screen is taken over by a slide that readsOperationConnorDashwood.
They’vereally thought this through, haven’t they?
“I’man ‘Operation’?”
“Maybemore of a mission,” says tinySterling. “AmissionIchoose to accept.”
Oh, my good fuckingGod.IfIwasn’t being emotionally blackmailed into this byWalkerandMax,I’dbe halfway home by now.
“Okay,”Sterlingsays. “Whatis the only thing that can plausibly change a straight man’s behavior overnight?”
Ifhe thinks being chipper and asking questions is going to elicit any kind of a response, he’s seriously misread this room.Everyonestares back at him.
Guessit’s down to me to break the stony silence. “Howabout you enlighten us,Sterling.”
Andquickly.Sowe can all escape this hideous torture as soon as possible.
“It’sthe love of a good woman, of course,”Sterlingsays with a flourish, as if he’s a game show host announcing the grand prize winner.
Whatthe fuck is he talking about?
Aplan to have me volunteering at a soup kitchen,Icould understand.Ormaybe cuddling rescue puppies.Possiblyeven building an orphanage in a developing nation.But“the love of a good woman” was definitely not on my list of possibilities.Noranywhere near it.
“I’msorry,Sterling.Butwhat is it you want to do?”
Thescreen changes to a collage of photos of celebrity couples.
Sterling’scursor, which has now taken the form of a magic wand, points at the happy couple in the top left.
“Hollywoodactor.Workdried up because of his gambling and strip-club reputation.Hefell in love with this delightful young movie extra, pulled himself together, and now has more lead roles than you can shake anOscarat.”
Themagic wand roves around the screen.
“Leadsinger of a chart-topping band.Kickedout for too much partying and too little focus.Methis soulmate when she served him in a diner.Nowhe’s won aGrammy, and his solo career is bigger than the band’s will ever be.
“Morningshow host.Firedfor lashing out at a kid on social media.Buthe discovered his new dog walker was the woman of his dreams, and now he…”
“Okay, yeah, we get it.”Ihold my hand up to the screen. “ButIhate to break it to you,Sterling.Notonly doInot have an all-American, girl next door girlfriend,Idon’t want one.”
“Well, now.”Hisgrin is so big the screen might need more pixels. “That’swhereIcome in.Andwork my magic.”
Heswirls his cursor wand and the image changes to several photographs of a woman.She’searly to mid-twenties, with shoulder-length brown hair, and the pictures show different settings—walking on a college campus clutching a folder and books, sitting cross-legged on a lawn playing checkers with a kid, and carrying a tray of cocktails across a dimly lit bar while wearing a short skirt that would definitely tempt me to give her a hefty tip.
“Recognizethis little beauty?” he asks.
Shehas fair skin and rosy cheeks and is kind of cute, andI’venever seen her before in my life.
Themicro amount of patienceIhad when this all started is about to run dry.SinceIcan’t be bothered to waste any more words on it,Ishake my head.
Itseems to makeSterlingeven happier. “Perhapsthiswill jog your memory.”
Thescreen switches to video of a crowd gathered around some vegetable plots.Oh, it’sMax’slaunch event thing from a couple of weeks ago.Wherehe proposed toPolly.
Andthere’s me, my parents,MaxandPolly,Polly’smom, and my younger brother,Elliot, standing in a circle, right as my dad’s about to make a toast to the happy couple.
Thecamera wobbles and zooms in on me asIlunge at a woman carrying a tray of plastic glasses filled with terrible, oh so terrible, wine.
