Page 43 of Second Swing
Fuck me.
Her magenta hair hangs in loose waves around her chin, the shorter pieces thrown over to the side.
“Damn, Dove, you are…” My thoughts are lost as I let her old nickname slip again.
Her eyes go molten as she says, “Cat got your tongue, Golf Daddy?” The breathiness in her voice has me considering pressing her up against this door and giving her neighbors a fucking show.
“It’s not the cat I’m worried about. Come on before the last of my resolve crumbles.” I slip my hand around her waist, and she giggles. It’s not lost on me that this is the first time I’ve made such an intimate move. And now that I’m touching her, I don't think I’ll be able to stop myself from doing so again.
She turns quickly, attempting to shut the door before a large orange fluff ball races out. It moves fast for its size but not quite fast enough as the little terror tries to run past me. I let go of her full hips and wrap my hands around the cat’s middle. The look it gives me forces me to bite back a laugh.If looks could kill.
“Meet Waffles E. Benedict. The love and nuisance of my life.” I pass him to her as she scolds him. Paloma plops him down inside and shuts the door before he can attempt another escape.
“I had no idea you had a cat.”
“I got the little beast at a rescue a couple years ago. He’s a troublemaker, but I love him nonetheless.” She gives me a soft smile. “Do you like cats?”
“I didn’t have pets growing up, but if he’s yours, then how can I not love him?”
I reach for her hand, and when she intertwines her fingers in mine, it's like a puzzle piece finally found its way home. Hand in hand we walk down her steps. I keep my other hand in my pocket, attempting to stop myself from saying or doing something that might scare her away.
For a moment I think about handling her with gloves, letting herbroach any topic of conversation, but I nix the thought quickly. If she wasn’t sure about these next steps, I don't think she would have texted me. My Dove is going to be fully courted by me. I’m not foolish enough to miss this chance at a forever with Paloma.
After I get her settled into the passenger seat, I close the door and round the car before getting myself buckled in. My Bluetooth connects, and a song by Isaiah Falls flows through the speakers. The smooth beats behind his voice play as I pull out of her driveway and make our way to Mossy Oaks.
“If you make a turn right here, we will be there in only a few minutes.” Her voice is soft.
“But the scenic route means I get you to myself a little longer.” She attempts to hide her grin.
“Scenic route it is then.”
I make a failed attempt at not white-knuckling the steering wheel, wanting to reach out and rest my hand on her thick thighs. Stretching my hand out, I decide on a middle ground and rest my elbow on the middle compartment.
“I really wanted—”
“When did you—” I say, realizing we are both attempting to break the silence at the same time. I chuckle, and nod to her. “Go ahead.” My gaze drifts to Paloma, watching as her cheeks darken. I swallow as the flush travels to the exposed area of her chest.
“I don’t know if this is the right time or not, but I don’t want to get interrupted again. I owe you an apology. I…well, I was…” she says mumbling the wordfuckbeneath her breath. She takes a deep inhale and continues with glassy eyes. “I’m so sorry, Clint. What I did all those years ago was unacceptable, and now you’re here, giving me a second chance.I didn't intend to leave you. I was just so damn scared.”
“Scared of what, Dove? Of me?” I ask without anger or malice. I simply need to know where her head was. Her being scared of me isn't something she has ever shown, and it's not something I believe to be true, but I need to know nonetheless.
“No, not of you. Of us. I was scared I couldn't give you the love you wanted and deserved...still deserve.” Her hands would be balled into her shirt if it was long enough. I reach over, intertwining my fingers with hers. “I was there, you know. At the airport, but I was frozen in my spot, and I know it's not an excuse but it is thereason. I was trying to work through my feelings for you and what it could mean if you left me like someone else important in my life, and I realized I wouldn’t be able to piece myself back together. I knew, Clint! I knew I wouldn’t survive you leaving me, and I know I wouldn't survive it now.” Her eyes flick to our joined hands and then to my face, then to the road, and back to me again. The fear is wafting off of her in waves, and I give her hand a squeeze as I turn on my blinker, pulling the car over to the side of the road.
When I put the car in park I turn to her, wiping the tears away from her cheeks and the dark mascara that was once coating her eyelashes. Cupping her cheek, I rub my thumb across it in a soothing motion and give her a soft smile. “I would never intentionally break your heart, Dove, and I won’t promise to never mess up. If we have a disagreement or I do something, anything, that feels off…we’ll talk about it first and foremost. Just like we are now. Hurting you is the farthest thing I want to do. I want forever with you. But you and I both know it's theforever partthat really scares you, isn't it?”
“What if, what if I can’t give you the love you want? What if youdobreak my heart because you can’t wait for me anymore? Whatif—” When I give her thigh a soft and assuring squeeze like I used to, she stops herself from the spiral she’s in. I lean in closer and watch as her mouth parts. I want so badly to feel those pouty lips of hers on mine again, but this isn’t the time. Plus she’s still so nervous about what could go wrong.
I press a kiss to her forehead, lingering long enough for her to know I’m not going anywhere, and then back away slowly so I can look into her eyes. “Dove, I would sooner cut off my own damn hand before I hurt you. We can take as much time as we need. There’s no rush here. I’m not rushing to get to you because you are here with me right now. I don’t want to rush through us, through this. But this, between us, this is real and I’m not going anywhere. Okay?”
Her voice is almost a whisper as she continues, “I know I had to have hurt you so badly. I don’t know how you can forgive me so easily.”
Pulling back, I take her hand back in mine. “Listen, I won't sit here and pretend it didn't hurt me. You broke my heart, and it took me a long time to get over the hurt. I didn’t even know you came to the airport. I thought you just...decided I wasn’t worth it. Then when I got on the plane, I was so angry with you. My heart and my ego, if I’m being completely honest, were battered and bruised. I was so sure you were going to be with me—sitting in the seat right beside me.” I’ve not allowed myself to fully think about that night, but since I got back home it’s been a constant struggle to push it back.
I’d been in love before, but it was nothing compared to how everything felt with Paloma. When she didn’t show up to the airport, I considered for the first time that my feelings were unrequited.
Paloma reaches over and rubs the stray tear away from my face as I continue, “Sorry. I–I knew I loved you, would move mountains for you. Even sitting in those cramped seats I also knew you weren't ready forwhat I was so sure was the right move for us. But I’ve also had seven years to work through the hurt, and I realized something.” I pull back onto the road, needing to get Paloma to a store where she can wash her face and feel like her best self before we get to our date. I don’t have any makeup towelettes or anything in the car to wipe away the smeared mascara. “It may have hurt, but I wasn’t listening to your needs either. I didn’t take the time to see you were actively running as much as you were holding on. You warned me, and like the fool I am, I fell head over heels for you because you are incredible and smart, you are driven, andfuck, you made me laugh my ass off. You still do. I should have listened, I didn't, and for that I’m sorry. I couldn’t bear the thought of being without you, and by pushing you the way I did, by asking you to come with me...I realized later on how much I was asking from you, and my fear of losing you became a reality. You weren’t ready, and I should have respected that.”
I pull into a Harbor Health and park the car. “But I won’t be pushing you again, especially when you tell me not to. So we aren’t rushing, Dove. We aren't in a race because the finish line is still going to be you and me.”
