Page 36 of Villainous
He casts me a curious glance. “What happened between you two for you to want to punish her for leaving?”
I don’t respond, but I snatch the bottle from his hand and take a sip. I need to change the subject. “Are you still having the annual Christmas party?”
“Yeah. Roselyn is already planning it—she’s trying to keep her mind off Enzo. She hasn’t packed up the baby stuff just in case we want to have another baby.”
I debate if I should take Maya, but I don’t want any drama either. She’s still pissed at Devious for killing Liam, and I don’t blame her. “I’ll make sure I’ll go.”
“I feel like shit.” He pukes on the waitress’s black dress pants as she places his plate of food in front of him.
Maya
I doubt Villainous will be home tonight, so I explore the manor. It’s so much different from the time I was here. If these walls could talk, they’d tell secrets of so many men who lived here. Villainous told me this manor was built in the early 1920s and has been passed down from generation to generation. The first don of the famiglia bought this in recognition of the first sign of their wealth.
I stroll down the hallway down to the left, which I already know is his bedroom. The same room where we would sneak away from all his wild parties and make out, fuck, smoke weed, and drink liquor. The room looks so much different than before. No pictures of half-naked women on the dark wall, replaced with different types of art. I sit on the king-size bed, staring into the electric fire that’s burning below the flat-screen television hanging on the wall. Villainous must have hired someone to decorate this place because there is no way in hell he could put together a room with so much elegance. It’s hard to believe he actually sleeps in here.
Has he kept anything from high school? The thought of him keeping things I got him brings me hope or maybe happiness. I don’t know. I want something that makes me feel connected to him in some type of way. We’ve been disconnected for so long that I often forget we were in love at one point. I don’t know why I keep holding on to hope he’s the same person I fell in love with all those years ago. Maybe because I’m still blinded by lust, and when we have sex, I feel some type of human connection. I go to his massive walk-in closet, where he still has his clothes arranged by color, and yank open the chest of drawers. He has different expensive watches there—he’s still kept the watch I bought him for Valentine’s Day. As I yank the other drawer open, I see he has his ties and bow ties neatly lined up in different colors. When I glance up, there are three small, worn boxes at the top of the closet, so I step on the stepping stool and grab all three and rest them on the bed. I open up one of them, and dust mites fly as I pick up a few old, discolored photos of him and his family. Him and his cousins and aunties and uncles on both sides of his family. Some of them I’ve met, and some of them I haven’t.
I search through the second box, and there is nothing but junk in it. When I invade the third box, my heart hammers in my chest, and all of a sudden, the air is stuffy. The jacket he gave me with his jersey number and name signed on it, saying “my girl, my future wife, Maya Devoy (Vitali).” I hug the jacket, and it smells faintly like him and dust. I wiggle my arms through the sleeves and zip it up, then close my eyes as tears wet them. Memories of him when he first gave me this jacket barge into my mind. It was the first season of the year, and they were heading to the state nationals. He’d insist he wanted everyone to know I was his, so he gave it to me and told me to wear it to every game, and I did.
I see our senior yearbook and flip through it. Other memories flood through my mind in flashes—our first date, our first kiss, the first time we had sex. The first time he told me he loved me. The first time we had a hospital scare because I’d cooked his food in peanut oil and he had a bad allergic reaction. The time we had our first vacation. So many memories with the man who still has my heart. The man that held me captive against my will and made me his pet. I don’t think he’s the same person I once fell in love with.
Setting the yearbook down in the box, I grab a stack of letters tucked in a worn envelope. I unwrap the rubber band from around the crinkled paper, pick up the first letter, and read it.
Dear Little Dove,
You weren’t in school today so I thought I’d stop by and see if you were okay. Declan told me you left. Why didn’t you tell me? Call me when you get a chance.
I love you,
Aiden.
My heart thumps hard against my rib cage, and sweat blankets my forehead as I pick up the next letter.
Dear Little Dove,
Your father won’t give me an address for where you are staying, but he gave your mother’s number, so from now on I’ll be calling you until you tell me to stop. I don’t know what is going on with you, but I hope you are safe. Your father says you are, but I don’t trust anything that comes out his lying, cheating-ass mouth. We all know he’s a snake. Call me when you get a chance, please. I love you and I miss you.
Your Aiden.
Maya,
Please answer my letters. Talk to me. If you’re mad about Zeta, I told you that bitch is a liar. She tried to suck my dick and I pushed her off of me and I never wanted her. She’s as ugly as Satan’s ass. Or is it because you found out Polina was trying to fuck me, because I would tell her no. My mother is a sick bitch. She keeps trying to have sex with me, but at this point I’m able to fight back. I told her if she ever touches me again, I’m going to kill her, but it doesn’t stop her getting one of the soldiers to beat me. The only reason why I haven’t ended her life is because I don’t want to deal with Draco’s bullshit. I spoke to your mother, and she said you don’t want to have anything to do with me. She also said our arranged marriage was off. I don’t understand why. Look, I’ll write you until you tell me to stop, until I hear it from your mouth. Since you’re not answering my letters, I thought I’d tell you that I got accepted into North Haven University. Draco said I was too stupid to get in, but I got in with a football scholarship. I proved him wrong, and I’m going to continue to make him eat his words. He doesn’t think I will amount to anything or fit in with the family job. Anyways, tell me what you’ve been up to? If you respond, we’ll act like nothing happened.
Your Aiden.
I read this letter a few times, and guilt builds in my stomach. So, my mother knew he was contacting me, and she never told me. I know it was better that way, but I would have at least wanted to read his letters. I read all sixty letters. Most of them are filled with words about his day and how he is spoken for and still waiting for me to come back. He states he’s still wearing his engagement ring to ward off women. I pick up the last letter.
Maya,
This will be the last letter I ever write you. I hope you’re happy in your new life, and I would say I hope you find someone to love you, but I don’t. It’s clear you don’t give a shit about me and I wasted a whole year believing you would come back to me. At least send me a fucking note or a goddamn smoke signal to let me know that you’re all right. But instead you left this gigantic hole in my fucking heart which I probably won’t get over. Why did you abandon me? My mom was right about you. I should have left you alone and not even tried to pursue a relationship with you. You were my first love and my everything. Thanks to you, I know exactly how it feels to get hit by a bus. I hope the next guy you meet is as ugly as Shrek and can’t fuck you to save his life.
Aiden.
Tears slither down my cheeks, and I wipe them with the back of my hand. It was so selfish and immature of me not to tell him why I left. His feelings didn’t occur to me back then; I had to do what I had to do for the sake of my family and his. I put the stuff back into his closet and leave his room, then roam down to the living room and dining room, trying to keep my mind occupied, trying not to remind myself of the pain and hurt that I caused everyone around him. I didn’t just hurt him. I hurt Shelby and all my old friends back in high school. I’m so fucking exhausted from the web of lies I’m caught in, and it’s not even funny anymore. If I had known what I know now, I would have done things differently. I would have called him to let him know that I was fine, but I was too selfish and self-absorbed to even care. Too wrapped up in my own head to even give a damn. If I could take back all the pain I caused Villainous, I would do it in a second, because no one deserves to have someone abandon them. God, I was such a fuckup back then. And now…now…I don’t have any other choice but to lie in the bed I made.
I decide I’m going to tell Villainous why I left. He deserves to know, and maybe somewhere in his black heart, he will forgive me.
Villainous
