Page 90 of Devious
I lean down and whisper, “Goodbye, Cashel.”
Several seconds later, the life leaves his eyes, and I use two fingers to shut them.
It hurts that I lost him, that I finally got my vengeance, and I feel like shit. It doesn’t close the hole in my chest that he created. I saw him like my brother and my best friend at one point in time in my life. I never thought in a million years that I would feel empty. I thought I’d be filled with joy and happiness, instead, I feel a great deal of grief and sorrow from losing him. Thirty years of a friendship can’t be erased, after all.
I call Charlotte to clean up his body.
I need to clean the blood from my hands, so I stroll to my bedroom, and Roselyn is asleep, so I shower. I wash the blood off my body, feeling good about closing the chapter with Cashel in my life, even though I feel grief deep in my bones. Now, I have to do the hardest thing and let Roselyn go. Once I’m done in the shower, I put on some clothes and climb in bed with her. She rolls over, cries into my chest, wrapping her legs around me. I kiss her forehead and tell her I love her and how beautiful and brave she is.
I wrap my hands around her small body, pulling her close, knowing this will be the last time I get to hold her.
Devious
Isit at my desk, overlooking the divorce papers that I had my lawyer print out.
I still haven’t broken things off with Roselyn because I’m having a hard time letting her go. I wish she didn’t have to suffer. She cries every night, and I can’t do anything but hold her. Watching the love of your life suffer eats at you like a disease. I need to let go of Roselyn. I did the same thing with Shelby. Tried to keep her, and I ended up suffocating her and drove her into the arms of another man. I don’t want the same outcome for me and Roselyn. I don’t want her to wake up one day, regretting being with me because I was the one who held her captive. I’m the one who forced her to marry me to pay off a debt that she didn’t create. She was just a pawn to me in the beginning. She’s too loyal for her own good, so I doubt she’ll cheat on me, but she’ll return back to the person who I first met. I want her to pick me because she wants to and not because I’m forcing her.
Roselyn is out shopping with Marla for fall clothes, so I shoot her a text message.
Me: Come home. We need to talk.
Nymph: Is everything okay?
I get up from the chair and pace the floor. How am I going to break things off with her? Since we don’t allow divorces in the mafia, I’m breaking my own oath, going against our law to grant Roselyn her wish of freedom. She doesn’t need to be tied to the mafia lifestyle. It’s too corrupt. Plus, she deserves better than me. So much better.
Thrusting my fingers through my hair, I sigh loudly. Twenty minutes later, she strolls into my study, wearing black leggings and a light sweatshirt. My eyes wander to her face as I try to remember every freckle. It’s hard not to forget a beautiful face like hers. I’m going to miss her so much. But I have to do this for both of us.
She stands on her tippy-toes, kissing my cheek. “What’s up?” She sits her giant bags on the floor. “What is it you want to talk about?”
Letting go is the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do, but it needs to be done. I stroke her cheek with my index finger. “I’m setting you free.”
I slide the divorce papers over to her, and she scans them, a crease between her brows. This is for the best. I’ll get shit from my men for divorcing her, but I don’t care. I will choose Roselyn’s happiness over the mafia any fucking time. If they have a problem with it, I’ll blow their brains out.
“What?” Her voice is shaky as she cocks her eyebrow. “What do you mean, Devious?” Then she studies my face for answers.
My pulse thumps in my neck and blood rushes to my ears. Exhaling, I say, “I’m giving you your freedom. You paid Lex’s debt off, and it’s time for you to be free. I took your virginity as payment and now that he’s dead, you don’t have to stay tied to me. You’re no longer my captive.”
She slides the paperwork back to me, plastering a fake smile across her face.
“You’re joking, right?”
“Roselyn, you’re no—”
“You’re not fucking breaking my heart! We’re going to pretend this conversation never happened.”
“My decision is final, Roselyn. I have to let you go.”
I might as well have punched her in the face, that’s how much pain registers in her expression. Her eyes brim with tears. “But I want to be with you. I—Is it because Cashel raped me? We don—.”
“No. Roselyn. It’s not that. It wasn’t your fault what happened to you. It’s my fault. I let my vengeance get the best of me, and you were caught in the cross fire.”
She’s young, so young, and has her whole life ahead of her. I’m giving her an out from this hellhole. This lifestyle. How can she think that her staying with me is good? It’s not.
“I made the same mistake with Shelby, forcing her to stay with me, and it didn’t turn out well. If I do the same thing to you, then you will eventually want to leave.” I slide the divorce papers to her again. “You want freedom, and I don’t want to hold you back. I want you to be happy. I love you, Roselyn. But I can’t hold on to someone who doesn’t want to be held on to.” Tears form at the corners of her eyes and I wipe them away. She shouldn’t waste her beautiful tears on me. “I’m not going to leave you broke. I’m giving you a fifty-thousand-dollar alimony a month for the rest of your life, and I’ll still cover your nonno’s medical bills and expenses.”
Tears run down her cheeks. “No, Devious. Please don’t do this. I want to be with you.”
“You need to live your life the way you want to and not be tied down to someone like me. I can’t give you what you want. You want to be free from the mafia and away from this lifestyle and I don’t blame you. It’s too much violence and death. I’ll give you a new name and you can go to Frankfurt in Germany or wherever you want.”
