Page 91 of Devious
She stares at me with fear in her eyes. “You’re what I want. I don’t care about my freedom; I don’t care about my dreams. All I want is you.”
“You’re a bird who wants to spread her wings and fly, and I’m the monster who wants to rip your wings so you can’t.”
She wraps her arms around my shoulders, and I accept her embrace, resting my chin on top of her head.
I shed one single tear, and it falls down to her hair.
Her tears wet my shirt, and we stand like this for what seems like forever. Closing my eyes, I inhale deeply. She smells like brown sugar and cherries. My favorite smell. She breaks from our embrace.
“Be free, Roselyn. Do what you love and be happy. And if you don’t fall in love with anyone else, you can come back to me, if that’s what you want,” I tell her. She stares down at the floor, and I kiss her forehead. “I used to think love is the final form of forgiveness, but it’s not. Letting go of the person you love to give them what they want is love. Holding on to you is not love.” I lean down, kiss her long and hard, then pull away. “Goodbye, Roselyn.”
Exhaling, I leave the room.
Roselyn
Shock churns in my stomach. This is not fair. Life’s not fair. My husband wants to let me go, but I don’t want to be free from his cage. I want to be his little bird. I hug the divorce papers to my chest, realizing I have a shot at my freedom, at what I always wanted from the moment I learned my father was a part of the mafia. Devious is breaking his own rules so I can live my dreams. This is my first heartbreak and I don’t want to process it.
I start to hyperventilate, tears falling down my cheeks. Grabbing my phone from my pocket, I dial Marla’s phone number, and she picks it up in the third ring. She’s the only friend I can call. I know she’s Devious’s cousin, but I need someone to talk to.
“Hello?”
“Can you come pick me up?” My voice breaks. “I need a place to stay.”
I hear her turn down the music in the background. “What do you mean?”
I try to find the words to articulate what I’m trying to say, but my mind draws a blank. “Please. Come get me.”
I can’t believe Devious would do this to me—to us. After everything we shared. After everything we have been through. My chest aches as my hands tremble like leaves on a tree. I tap the red button and rush to our bedroom. I go to the walk-in closet and toss some clothes into a suitcase.
An hour later, Marla strolls into the bedroom, and she gives me a hug. She wraps her arms around my waist, using her thumbs to wipe away my tears. “What happened?”
“Devious broke up with me. He wants to make sure I want to be with him.”
“I’m sorry, Roselyn. I think he’s scared you’re going to end up hating him for trying to keep you with him.”
I fell in love with the devil. It doesn’t matter to me who he was because I saw the real him. Not just the evil side, but the good side. I use the back of my hand to wipe my tears.
“I wouldn’t,” I sigh. “I need a place to stay. Can I crash at yours until I find my own place?”
“Of course.”
With Binx in my arms, I drag my suitcase behind me, and we make it to the living room. Devious paces back and forth with one hand rubbing his forehead and the other holding his cell phone. His eyes meet mine, and we stare at each other with unspoken words between us. I try to study every inch of his face, remembering who I fell in love with. Sorrow laces his face as he frowns, and Marla says something to him in Italian. He responds back. This is the first time I’ve heard him speak his native language. I wish I learned Italian, so I can understand what they are speaking about. Another thing Papa took away from me was to never speak my native language so I wouldn’t listen to some of his conversations.
“I’ll be in the car,” I tell Marla as I go to the garage. Max grabs my suitcase, and I follow him to the garage, which he drops into the trunk of her black Mercedes. I take the divorce papers and place them on a shelf. As I climb into the seat, I strap my seat belt over my body and Binx settles on my lap. Twenty minutes later, Marla gets into the back seat, and her driver puts the car in gear, pulling into the main road. Rain sprinkles on the windshield. I watch as my home gets smaller and smaller, and before I know it, I’m crying uncontrollably.
Roselyn
Istand in front of my father’s gray coffin with the brown ribbons and spider lilies. There’s just me, Nonno, a few of his staff, Emma, and Marla here. The preacher reads a few passages from the Bible and speaks about good people. My mother and I are finally free from him. No one from the mob showed up to his funeral. Word got out that he sold Devious out to the Irish mob, and they don’t respect traitors. I even had to pay for his funeral myself because he didn’t have any life insurance. I ended up paying his final debts. I sold the penthouse and all of his little assets.
“Do any of you want to say a word?” the preacher asks.
With tears in my eyes, I stand next to the coffin, and I debate on what I want to say. It’s hard to speak kind words about someone who treated you awfully throughout your entire life.
I inhale deeply then exhale.
“As you know, I’m Lex’s only child.” I pause for a few seconds, trying to catch my breath. “Papa, if you can hear me, I want you to know I love you no matter how awful you were. You were abusive toward my mother and me, but I forgive you. No one deserves to die knowing someone didn’t love them because everyone deserves love and kindness. I hope your soul rests in peace, and you have dealt with the demons that were haunting you. Everyone has demons that they are dealing with, but you allowed yours to overtake you and control you. You controlled people, and manipulated them, and you didn’t show any kindness to others, but no matter how cruel you were to me, I always loved you, and I still do. So, I guess, this is a goodbye.”
I let the tears fall freely from my eyes, and I look down at the casket as it’s lowered to the ground. Marla wraps her hands around me and hugs me. “I’m so glad to call you my best friend. You are a wonderful person.”
