Page 77 of Devious
“Sure. Wait. Does it mean I have to help plan the wedding?” I ask, then take another lazy sip.
“Yes. You do. And we’ll start the process next week. I want peach for other bridesmaids’ dresses, and we will look for venues together. I’ll select a few, but we have to go ask Devious first.”
I frown. “Why?”
“Devious cares so much for your safety, and if the venue is not on his territory, then he won’t allow you to attend.”
“I’m sorry. Are you sure you want me as the matron of honor?”
“Yes. Of course.”
Am I making a mistake by not trying to leave him? Do I really want to be with him for the rest of my life? I won’t ever be truly free.
I’m too conflicted by my emotions. Maybe I’m blinded by love. Maybe, just maybe, the reason why I’m clinging to him is because I know there isn’t a better life out there for me.
But despite loving Devious, I still crave my freedom.
“Can you stop for a moment?” I ask the woman who’s massaging my right foot.
She nods and gets up. “I’ll be inside if you need me.”
“Thanks,” I tell her.
Marla sits forward. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I say too quickly.
I can’t let Marla know what’s going on inside of my head because I don’t want her to tell Devious.
Devious will be home all day, so I’m going to tell him I love him and if he doesn’t feel the same way, then I don’t know what I’m going to do.
Roselyn
Ineed to figure out a way to tell Devious that I love him. I’ve been putting it off for two weeks and every time I try to work up the courage to tell him, I get tongue-tied and stumble over my words. I’ve never been in love, so I don’t know how I’m supposed to tell someone that I love them. I never expected to fall in love with anyone because marriages in the mafia aren’t built on love.
I lay my head on his stomach, watching the rain tap against the floor-to-ceiling window in our bedroom. “Have you ever danced in the rain?”
He shakes his head. The muscles in his jaw tighten. “Why would I do that? I could get sick.”
I lift my chin, glancing up at him. “Because Mama told me it cleanses the soul, and we used to do it all the time, when Papa wasn’t around. Trust me, you’ll feel a lot better afterward.”
His eyes venture to my breasts before he gets out of the bed, putting on his nightclothes.
“Fine.”
I grab my shoes, sliding them on and tying up the black laces. “You need to have fun. All you do is work and kill people.”
He rolls his eyes. “It’s not what I always do. I also fuck you. Fucking is fun.” He tilts his head sideways.
I open the front door, and the rain instantly wets my face. The light from the water fountain lights up the dark sky. Glancing up, the rain falls freely from the sky. The slick, black pavement is beautiful. Memories of my mother barge into my mind. We did a lot of things behind Papa’s back because he wouldn’t allow her to have a lot of freedom. He hated that we used to play in the rain, and he would complain about us getting the floors wet. I miss Mama so much, especially around her birthdays and the holidays.
Devious stands there with his hands in his pockets, staring outside. I want to keep her memory alive as much as possible. Even though Papa didn’t give two shits about her, it doesn’t mean I didn’t care about her.
“Oh, stop being such a baby and get in the rain,” I say to him, tugging on his arm.
“Fine, but if I get sick, I’m bending you over my knee and giving you a spanking.”
“You need to pick another form of punishment because I like spankings. You have to dance. Besides, germs make you sick, not the rain.”
