Page 5 of Note to Self
When I walk inside, I take in the large hallway with the oak staircase that winds up to the other floors. Merrick leads me farther inside. It’s obviously a family home, with Willow’s toys in large primary-coloured tubs and photographs standing on every surface and mounted on the walls.
I stop at one of Josh, Merrick, and the tiniest baby—Willow—on the day she was born. An apple-sized lump jams my throat, and tears well in my eyes, burning as I try to blink them away. Merrick returns and catches me touching the glass.
“He hasn’t been forgotten.” He places his hand on my shoulder. I turn into him, burying my head and letting the tears break free. “Thank you,” I mumble.
When I pull away, I give him a watery smile. “I didn’t know if you’d keep his photos up. It was stupid. Of course you still have him in your life.”
“We talk about him. I tell Willow all about him, but I noticed that I don’t always have him on my mind. I miss him, butI also learnt how to keep on living. Willow helps, and Drew is one of the kindest men. He adores Willow, and she him.”
We continue our way into the kitchen, where he puts on the kettle. “Coffee? Or would you like a beer?”
I sigh. “A beer would be great.”
With our drinks in hand, Merrick opens the French doors, and we walk out onto the large decking area. Willow rushes to her sandpit and gets busy making castles. I sit down on one of the sun loungers and wait for Merrick’s questions to start. It doesn’t take long.
“So, what brought you here? Is everything okay?” There’s concern, worry in his voice and on his face. Does he think I’m ill, like Josh?
“Everything is okay, Merrick. I’d just had enough of my parents trying to micromanage my life, specifically my love life. After a conversation my mother wasn’t ready for, I came clean about being bi. I’m sure you can work out the rest. I decided to try something new. I have put my job on hold, but I’m not sure if I’ll be going back. Coming here became the most important part of my plan. I wanted to see you and Willow again. I promised to stay in touch and then ghosted you. I’m so sorry about that. I got kind of lost after Josh died. Eventually, I went to see my doctor, and he diagnosed depression.”
I swallow hard. “I’m okay now. I’m off the medication, and I can think a lot clearer. I was getting stuck in a rut and didn’t like it. So I decided it was time to take stock of my life, and here I am. I’ve got a cottage for six weeks. I’m not sure where I’ll go after the summer, maybe home, maybe another part of the world I haven’t seen yet.”
“Blimey, Trent, I’m so sorry they treated you like that, but I am thrilled to have you here. Where are you staying? I’m surprised you got a long-term rental at such short notice. Have you come alone?”
“Yes, I’m alone, very much single.” Marc’s image flashes in my mind, but it’s gone just as quickly. Marc is history. We were never in a relationship. To him, I was a booty call. “I was very lucky, one had just become available. It’s a great little cottage down by the dunes.”
Merrick’s face brightens, and he lets out a chuckle. “What?”
“That’s Drew’s cottage. I stayed there while this place was being renovated. It’s a great place. Do you remember Brodie? He stayed there for a couple of months too. Drew was annoyed when the customer backed out. You’ll be happy there.”
“Hey, what? Backtrack a little. Brodie is here too? What brought him here?” I hadn’t thought of him for a long time, years maybe.
“Yeah, he came down last September. I think it was for the same reason as you, but you’ll have to ask him. You’ll see him around. He and Ivan live just outside the town.”
“Ivan, who’s that? And wait, Brodie isn’t gay.” I’m confused. The Brodie I remember was very much straight.
“Ivan is Drew’s best friend. You’ll find out more when you meet them. It’s a great story, but his to tell. Back to you. You’re single, you said?”
“Very, and I doubt I’ll be as lucky as you and find a handsome builder to fall in love with. Not unless Drew has a friend.”
Merrick narrows his eyes.
“Hmm, I do know of one totally gorgeous friend. He’s out with Drew now.”
I immediately know who he’s talking about—Mr Rugby Captain. Heat spreads over my cheeks as Merrick studies me. I wouldn’t mind an introduction to him, only I think it would only lead to embarrassment for both of us. I’m not the sort of guy he’ll be interested in. He’s way out of my league. It would onlybe a repeat of Marc. “Thanks, but I was only kidding. I’m not in the right headspace for that. I’m here to see you and get to know Willow. I’ve got to look for the best future for me. I don’t think that includes the complication of a summer romance.”
Willow runs over to us with two sand cakes, stalling our conversation. The next hour, we play with her, having a tea party and helping her build another castle. I fall more and more in love with her. She’s a sweet, funny little girl with a bright mind. The regret I felt from not being here before melts away. It doesn’t matter what happened. It’s what happens from now on that’s important.
When Willow grumbles about being hungry, I stand. I should leave. I don’t want to get in the way of a family evening. I have friends and colleagues who have young children and know that routine is important.
“I’d better go and let you get on.” I walk into the kitchen as Merrick pulls ingredients out of the fridge.
“It’s a bit of a walk back to your cottage. Let me give Drew a call. He should be on his way back by now. I can run you back once he’s here to look after Willow.” He retrieves his phone just as the front door opens. Willow jumps up and down.
“My Dew.” She rushes from the room, her chunky toddler legs powering her away.
Merrick chuckles. “That solves that problem.”
Drew walks in with Willow on his hip as she talks excitedly about me, but it’s not him I’m looking at. It’s the six-foot-plus sexy guy behind him who smiles broadly.
