Page 14 of Note to Self
“Did you just say dastardly? No one uses that word unless they’re the villain in Scooby Doo!” He’s looking at me shrewdly, as if he’s suddenly realised something. He stays silent, although his eyes are twinkling, and he presses his lips together to hold back his smile.
As much as I want to know what he’s thinking, I turn off the lane and into the field that’s going to be my home and my business. I switch off the engine and stare out the windscreen. “Well, what do you think?”
Trent scans the area. “It’s incredible, or at least it will be. I can see the potential. Are you going for organic veg or focusing on plants? This is a perfect place for beehives. Have you thought about that? It’s a huge thing now. I had a couple at my school.”
Wow. How many other talents has he got? His smile is breathtaking. Even the one tooth that has a tiny crook to it doesn’t take away from it. Unable to hold back, I cup his nape and bring him close, then kiss him.
I pour everything into this one kiss. My back will soon be aching from leaning over the console, but I don’t care.
I want him.
I can’t get close enough to touch him while I’m stuck in this seat. I wriggle around, not letting my lips part from his, and manage to get up on my knees before he breaks the kiss. My rational side is telling me I’m about to do something very stupid, but I can’t find it in me to stop. This may never happen again.
“Move your seat back.” I scramble over the centre console to straddle his thighs. Theoomphhe lets out proves I’m not as nimble as I hoped. But his mouth back on mine shows he doesn’t care.
As I push my fingers through his hair, his rough, calloused hands find their way under my T-shirt and up my back. Our tongues continue to tangle, and I rut against the fly of my jeans, rubbing my dick up to his erection. The scratch of short nails down my spine makes me hungry for more.
We break apart, and I stare into his lust-drunk eyes. A smile breaks out on his beautiful face. “It’s a good job we stopped. I was about to embarrass myself,” he says.
I was close as well, and I shuffle back, trying to extricate myself, but he grabs my bum, holding me in place. “Stay. I like you like this.”
He nuzzles my neck, kissing and nibbling his way to my jaw. A shudder runs through me as he scrapes his teeth over my jawline. “I love how responsive you are.”
“You’re doing something to me. I can’t get you out of my head.”
I’m trying hard not to sound needy, but I’m probably failing miserably. Last night, I spent a lot of time awake working through the date. The way he looks at me and listens is new. Marc never listened. He would talk over me, especially if we were with friends. He would keep his hand on my thigh, but only to pat it to stop me from talking. We had some good times, but they were mainly around sex. After he’d come, he’d be nice. He treated me like crap, but he was all I wanted. And stupid me hadn’t realised he never wanted to make it more serious. It could be because it would’ve come to a head with my parents. Now I don’t give a shit about their opinions. If I were to see them again, I would be proud to hold Merlin’s hand and call him mine.
Which is confusing as hell. Why does it feel so right with Merlin? Yes, he’s inordinately handsome, rugged-looking, with his chiselled jaw, strong cheekbones, and styled yet messy chestnut hair. He has the whole lumberjack look down to a tee. The type that wouldn’t normally ever look at me as anything but a bit of fun. Yet he gazes at me as if I’m the only thing that matters.
“I like that.” He smirks. “I can’t stop thinking about you either. I’m intrigued by you.” He kisses me again. “You’re gorgeous.” Another kiss. “I want to see where this goes. Do you?”
I look down at our position. “I think this says all you want to know.”
I’m doing it again. I’m making this easy for him. This time, when I shift, he releases his grip on my bum and lets me scrabble off him. As he opens his door, I slide reasonably gracefully out of the cab. I move to the side to let him follow, then take his proffered hand. He leads me into the pasture, talking knowledgeably about the land and what he plans to dowith it. Starting with clearing and the heavy machinery he’s bringing in for the job. It’s so exciting.
We make it to the corner where the run-down house still stands. I tap against the cracked brick wall. “I want to help. What can I do? I’m not afraid of hard work or getting dirty. I’m also a quick learner, and d’you know the best part?” I step closer to him. “I’m free.”
“I can’t take advantage of you like that, Trent. It’s great you want to help, but this is your holiday. You’re here to work out what you want to do next, not shovel dirt.”
“Then believe for now, this is what I want to do next. I won’t be here every day, but when I can and you have something for me to do, I’ll be yours.” Maybe he doesn’t want me around him too much. The image of Marc looking at me with derision pops into my head.“You’re a great lay, but quit with all the needy shit. I don’t want to hear it.”Merlin likes me, but isn’t it too soon to help him? He doesn’t need me, surely. He’s just being polite, letting me down gently. Plus, Drew will be here. I don’t want to come across all possessive and bunny boiler. I always do this with someone I like. I jump in too fast.
Note to self—Trent, don’t rush him.
As I’m berating myself, Merlin is watching me, frowning. “What just went on in your head?”
“What? Nothing. I’m good.” I push off the crumbling frame. God, I’m so stupid for hurling myself at him. I should go. I’ve embarrassed myself enough. All the sexy feels I had not long ago have fled, and insecurities have taken their place. “In fact, I’m going to head back. I’ve got a headache starting. Thanks for showing me this place and sharing your dream with me.”
I walk away without a backwards glance, determined not to make even more of an idiot out of myself. We’ve had one date and one hot make-out session. That’s not an invitation to spend hours together. He would have been coming here anyway.
“Trent!” Merlin’s voice is loud and nearer to me than I wanted. Before he can put his hand on me, I turn around.
What I hadn’t expected is the consternation on his face. His eyes bore into me. “What’s going on? Did I do something wrong? Talk to me.”
I let out a long, low sigh. “It’s me. I always push myself onto people too fast. I jump headfirst without thinking. This is your project, your dream. You don’t need an emotionally insecure man going through a premature midlife crisis in your way.”
“What? No, you’re wrong. Jesus, Trent, do you have any idea how much I like you? That I want to spend my time with you. If I hurt your feelings, I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to feel obliged.” He reaches for me, and I let him pull me close. “And as for being emotionally insecure, I can help you with that.”
I shake my head. “It’s okay. I’ve been like this a long time.”
