Page 12 of Note to Self
It seems like he’s going to be busy. His passion for his work and new life is admirable. I’ve never felt that desire for what I’m doing with my life. I like my job, and I’m good at it. I like watching kids get excited about experiments and theories, but I don’t feel it’s the be-all and end-all of my life. It was all I’d focused on since I was sixteen and got encouraged to stick to the sciences for my A levels, and then it was university. My life had been mapped out for me since that one parent-teacher night. Effectively ending the dreams I had for my future. It was okay for Josh to draw because that was a precursor to his dream of being an architect. My art wasn’t taken seriously. A fun hobby,my father called it. And both my parents forced me into science. But now I want to try something new, something I’ve been dabbling with, and this time, I’ve got the chance to put some serious effort into it. If it doesn’t work, if I fail miserably, I can always go back to teaching.
Is this my chance of changing my future, or will I be back in an overcrowded classroom at an underfunded innercity secondary school?
“Hey.” Merlin gives my hand a squeeze, bringing me out of my musings. “You okay?”
“I’m sorry. I got lost in my head.”
“Anything I can help with?” He’s smiling, but a crease of concern lines his forehead.
“No, not tonight anyway.” I’ve got a lot of thinking to do, but not when I’ve got a gorgeous man holding my hand.
Merlin swings our hands, his happiness genuine again. “Okay, it’s quick-fire question time. You have to answer with the first thing that comes into your head.”
“Okaaaay, this sounds scary, but go for it.” I grimace at him, but he shakes his head.
“Favourite colour?”
“Blue.”
“Predictable, but okay. Favourite season?”
“Summer. I love the bright early-morning sunrise, the warmth of the sun still on me as the sun goes down.”
We’ve stopped walking, and we’re looking over the bay.
“Dogs or cats.”
“Dogs. Cats make me sneeze.”
“Tea or coffee?”
“Tea, preferably. Staff room coffee is always foul.”
“Who’s your hero?”
“Josh, my brother. He was stupid yet so brave.” I could say so much more about my brother, but the croak in my throat threatens to break free again.
“What is your biggest fear?”
“Dying. Or more the fear of leaving those I love behind.”
“Shit, this has got heavy. You’re in your car, music or silence?”
“Neither. I like audiobooks.”
“Karaoke, yes or no!”
I let out a groan. “No, unless I’m very drunk.”
“Where do you see yourself in five years’ time?” Merlin has moved in close, his hands on my waist, his eyes locked on mine.
“Three months ago, I would’ve said the head of my department. Now, I have no idea.”
“Do you believe in love at first sight?”
As his breath warms my lips, I close my eyes. I want to say no, to step away from the intensity of my feelings for this virtual stranger. God, I’m so easily swayed by the right words from a pretty face, but my throat is thick, my lips are dry, and my heart is beating too fast.
“Yes,” I croak. With him, yes. Maybe I’ve read and listened to too many romances and insta-love characters. Why shouldn’t it be real? Or is it because I’m the hopeless romantic who wants to be swept off my feet by this handsome man?
