Page 39 of Until Nalia
“Probably.” I smooth my hand down her cheek, and her eyes droop.
“Can we go to Cooper’s game Saturday?”
“I’m not sure, honey. I promised grand… I mean, Sophie and Nico, that we’d get together this weekend.”
“You can call them my grandma and grandpa.”
“I…”
“They said I could make up a name for them like Cooper has for his Gigi and Pops.” She cuts me off then mumbles, “But I can’t think of anything else to call them.”
“I think they would love it if you called them grandma and grandpa.”
“I never had a grandma or grandpa.” Oh god, I’m going to cry.
“You do now.”
“Yeah,” she agrees, sounding like she’s already half asleep.
“I’ll see you in the morning.” I lean down and kiss the top of her head, and she doesn’t move. Getting off the bed, I tuck the blanket up around her shoulders, then lean over to turn on the white noise machine before I start for the door.
“Namalama.”
“Yeah?” I turn towards her with my hand on the door handle.
“I love you.”
“Love you, too,” I whisper through the ache in the back of my throat.
Dragging my eyes off her, I close the door and walk down the hall to the kitchen. After pouring myself a glass of water, I lean back against the counter and stare at the fridge that is covered with photos, magnets from places I’ve visited, some with Zuri, pieces of her art that are all bright and colorful, the A she got on her last spelling test, and our calendar with lots of plans written into the boxes.
Growing up, my fridge at home was always covered the same way with mine and my siblings’ drawings or things Mom thought were important and wanted to show off. Thinking about it, I try to remember Sharon’s fridge. I don’t remember things decorating the front of it, but I do remember the fridge in my apartment back in Colorado always had lots of Zuri’s school art on it. Maybe it’s just an insignificant coincidence, but I can’t help but think about what having our fridge covered with randomness meant to me growing up, and what Javion said, coupled with Zuri telling her friend I was her mom.
It’s difficult to think about in some ways because I can remember all the times over the years I left Zuri behind to go on vacation, to visit my family for the holidays or to just spend time with friends, and I hate thinking about how me leaving her behind might have made her feel. Did she resent me in those moments or doubt that I cared about her?
I hope not. I let out a long breath and turn to rinse out my glass before I place it in the dishwasher.
I guess none of it matters now, from here on out it’s the two of us. I will do the best I can to be someone that she can look up to and count on.
Eleven
NALIA
Staring at Cole on the screen of my phone after spilling my guts, I try to interpret his expression, but he’s always been impossible to read, so I have no idea what he’s thinking.
“Honey, we aren’t together, it’s okay,” he says softly, after dragging out the moment and I blink. I’m sure that’s supposed to make me feel better, but it doesn’t because now I just feel like an idiot. I spent weeks and weeks assuming that we were still in a relationship because I was too ignorant to understand that the night I told him that I was moving, he broke up with me without actually breaking up with me.
“I know,” I lie as I swallow down my annoyance. Getting angry with him isn’t going to do any good, and honestly, it’s not all his fault. I should have ended things with him before I left Colorado. I knew that things wouldn’t work with us being so far away. If I’m honest, they weren’t working when we lived in the same building. But again, he’s the first guy that I’ve been with who wasn’t a jerk. Knowing how rare that is nowadays, I was hanging on, hoping that what we had might turn into something more.
“So, who’s the guy?” he asks, distracted by whatever it is he’s looking at off-screen, probably his computer.
“No one.” The timer I set for the cookies I put in the oven right before he called starts to chime, and I take my phone with me as I leave my office and walk down the hall to the kitchen.
“No one?” He looks at me. “He must be someone if you’re calling to tell me you kissed him.”
Okay, I’m not having this conversation with him. “I’m sorry, I…”
“You know you can talk to me.” He cuts me off. “Things didn’t work out with us, but I still consider you a friend, and I care about you and Zuri.”
