Page 61 of Forbidden Property
“You’re a wonderful mother, Geralynn. I’m really sorry that Nicki forced you to be with me. I wish… I wish everything had been different between us.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not a good person. I might not ever become a good person. But I wish I had been one before… all of this.”
I feel like I should say something, but I don’t – and it makes me feel so confused. I’m standing on business, right? I’m keeping Renzo at arms’ length… even if he’s been the perfect father and I know he’ll never abandon me.
He clears his throat. “I’ve got to go to work.”
“Yeah. Of course.”
He leaves, and I release the breath I didn’t know was trapped in my chest. Not Renzo. He can’t be the one who makes me feel like this.I’m still fighting how I feel…
Chapter Thirty
Renzo
Roman turns 35 weeks old
It must be a little over eight months since I last slipped up and showed any of my true feelings to Geralynn. I can never be so careless again, and I spend as much time as I can withholding my sexual urges and working out that energy at the gym with Gino and Peter, who both made fun of me until I just kicked their asses on our last bench press test last week. I’m fucking shredded now compared to the day he was born and motivated by the absolute torment I have to go through every night sleeping feet away from Geralynn while I help with the baby, yet staying completely incapable of touching her and fucking up our contract.
I can’t risk screwing up and losing her. Or Roman. I love them both so much it hurts. The second I saw Roman, every bit of hatred in my heart melted away. It’s hard to describe the immediate biological change that happened within me when I held my son unless it happens to you. Every amount of sensitivity I’m capable of as a man poured out from me as Iheld Roman. I knew I would die to protect him or his mother – instantly. Thoughtlessly. I never considered my life so flippantly before.
I was never so selfless until Roman. And I wouldn’t have Roman without Geralynn. If the baby was supposed to kill my feelings for Geralynn, the opposite happened. I love them both more than I thought I was capable of before. I feel lucky that Michael Corsini spared me for what I did. If he really did what the rumors say about him, I finally understand.
I need to break out of this rut and do something that I don’t really want to do so I can keep my mind off Geralynn. I need to date another woman. The thought fills me with a deep-seated dread but… it’s for the best. I can’t continue to threaten her with my growing romantic feelings. I need a distraction.
Gino takes me out to the bar but unfortunately, he doesn’t intend to be my wingman.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, bro?”
I glare at Gino, who doesn’t seem bothered at all by the fact that he lied to me and promised me that he had an “easy blonde with huge tits” at this bar waiting for me. I wanted something easy, distracting, and most importantly quick. Instead, this is apparently a goddamn intervention.
“You told me you had a girl for me,” I snarl at Gino threateningly. My arms still ache from that bench workout, but I’m ready to swing on my brother if he keeps messing around like an asshole.
“You fucking dick,” Gino says, sipping on his beer. He didn’t order one for me. “You have a girl at home.”
I want to smack the shit out of this asshole. The whole point of this is that I can’t touch Geralynn. I can’t fuck with her head.I can’t possibly lose custody of my son when I live for coming home to him each night after work.
“I’ve been by her side for the past eight months and… I can’t bring myself to screw up our friendship by kissing her or trying anything.”
My anger with Gino heightens. He told me to just be there for Geralynn, but this hasn’t changed her feelings at all, and I just love her more than ever before. I’m getting ready to tie her to the bed and do something fucked up again.
I mutter under my breath as I dispel those horrific thoughts. “This is your fault.”
“How the fuck is this my fault?” Gino asks, chuckling in the most infuriating manner. My brother is such a fucking asshole.
“It’s your fault because you encouraged me to get closer to a woman who still wants nothing to do with me.”
“She won’t want anything to do with you if you pass your dick around Buffalo.”
“I can do something discreet, can’t I?”
“You have a fucking problem.”
“Yes. I have a twin brother that I should have eaten in the womb.”
He doesn’t realize that he’s a fucking menace.
