Page 37 of Until Tomorrow Comes
“Wanna talk about it?” She asks, holding my gaze. While my gut reaction is to say no, I find myself pausing. Her piercing blue eyes watch me, not with pity or sadness, but with curiosity and understanding.
With a nod, I take the mug from her outstretched hand, our fingers graze against each other, the simple contact soothing the ache in my chest.
She steps through the back door, and without hesitation I follow, letting her lead the way. When we reach the wicker loveseat, she sits, before patting the spot next to her. Dropping down beside her, I lean my head back, grateful that she doesn’t immediately start asking questions.
Instead, we sit in silence until I inhale deeply.
“Clearly, I used to be married.” I start off, taking a sip of my coffee, mulling over what to say. “I guess you could say that we were high school sweethearts. We grew up next door to each other and as we got older… Things just fell in place. We got a place together after graduation, deciding to go to the same community college. Then I enlisted.”
I shake my head, fingers tapping on the side of my mug and continue.
“While she was super supportive and encouraging, that’s when things went south for us. The first couple deployments were the toughest. Apparently, she didn’t fully think it through, and she didn’t realize how long I’d be gone. Since most of her friends left town to go to colleges in other states… she really only had her parents. When I left on my third assignment, I suggested she call my mom up. So Molly, my ex, started hanging out with my family.”
I let out a sarcastic laugh. “I guess everything that happened is kind of my fault.”
Kat shakes her head, but doesn’t say anything. She never looks away, listening to everything I’m telling her without faltering.
“We stopped fighting while I was gone and when I came home, everything was really good. She was attentive and wanted to do things together, even found a house for us to buy.” I pause, needing a moment before letting Kat in on the shittiest part of my life.
She reaches out, placing her hand on top of my knee and squeezing gently. Covering her hand with mine, I clutch her like a lifeline.
“I had been back from overseas for about two months when I found a positive pregnancy test in our bathroom garbage. We hadn’t been trying, but we also hadn’t been doing anything to prevent one. I didn’t even think to wait for her to tell me, I left that bathroom, test in hand, and asked her outright if she was pregnant.” I sip my coffee again, not really wanting it, but needing another second to calm my racing heart. Staring at our intertwined fingers, I can’t resist rubbing my thumb in small circles on the top of her hand.
Sighing, I continue.
“She said yes without hesitating, and told me outright I was gonna be a dad.” My voice cracks. “I had no idea how to raise a kid, so I started reading books about babies, and pregnancy. I wanted to be the best for her and the baby. We cleared space for a nursery and picked the colors for the walls. We even brought a crib…” Taking a deep breath, I try to keep a grip on my emotions.
“I didn’t want to miss a single thing. I cleared my schedule so I could make it to the first appointment. I even bragged to my staff sergeant about seeing my baby for the first time, while the rest of my squad placed bets on if it was gonna be a boy or a girl.”
I gently squeeze her hand once more before releasing it to lean forward, setting my mug on the deck in front of me and resting my elbows on my knees.
“Everything was… surreal. The doctor pulled up the ultrasound on the screen, letting us hear the baby’s heartbeat and going over measurements. I was the happiest and proudest I have ever been. Until the doc told us the estimated due date.” I glance sidelong at Kat. “I might not know much about pregnancy, but I read a couple books at that point… There was no way she could be in her second trimester already. I had only been back for eight weeks, two of those weeks we didn’t…” I clear my throat, “ya know.” I shrug, not wanting to focus on that. “At most sheshouldhave only been six weeks along.”
Kat reaches back out, resting her hand on my shoulder and rubbing it in small circles. Normally when I think about the past, everything hurts so much that I can’t stand the idea of being touched.
But right now, I feel oddly… calm. I’ve only ever talked about this with Doctor Davis and no matter how we tried to work through it, I never feltbetter.
I tilt my head to the side, wanting to have her in my sights, but still refusing to actually make eye contact.
“Molly knew the moment I put the pieces together. I shut down, let them finish the appointment and print out ultrasounds. Neither of us said a word until we made it back to the house. All I had to say was “who” and she spilled everything. How she and my brother had been sleeping together for eight years, just after I left for my third deployment. She was pregnant with my brother’s baby and let me believe it was mine. Got my hopes up, planning and preparing for the fact that I was going to be a dad.”
“What a twatwaffle.” Kat says, slapping a hand over her mouth and staring at me with wide eyes. “Oh my gosh, Jackson, I’m sorry. I didnotmean to say that out loud. It just—”
I can’t help but laugh, cutting her off and sitting back to place my hand on her knee.
“You’re not wrong. Twatwaffle is the perfect word to describe her with.” I chuckle. She shakes her head, smiling lightly while dropping her hand from her mouth.
“Still, that was inappropriate of me.” She says before looking away and sipping her coffee.
“You can be as inappropriate with me as you want.” I retort before I’m able to stop myself. Kat chokes on her drink, spitting some out as she coughs.
When she finally catches her breath, she’s blushing, but the smile that is spread across her face causes my breath to catch. Her laughter eases away a bit of the tension that hangs in the air, making me smile at a moment I wouldn’t have thought possible.
Our laughter trails off while we sit back, falling into a comfortable silence and thinking over everything I just told her. I’ve already told her this much, I may as well tell her the rest.
“My brother tried apologizing, but I couldn’t forgive him. I left and moved out here, closer to Ma. Which on days like today, I regret.” I run a hand through my hair and suck in a breath. “Mom keeps trying to update me on things, thinking she’s being subtle but when the baby was born, I reached my limit.”
“What happened?” Kat whispers.
