Page 59 of Cross Check My Heart
“There’s wine, or something stronger, in the cupboard next to the fridge if you wanna pull something out while I walk Dominik out.” It’s a small hallway and not much of an actual reason to walk someone out, but I’m hoping my dad just takes it as me being overly polite. He claps Dominik on the shoulder and gives him one of those silent nods before making his way into the kitchen.
Dominik walks next to me toward my front door, which they had left open when they came in. Stepping out to the hall, I closethe door behind us, leaving it open just a crack before turning to face Dom.
“Well, that was a shit show.” I joke, keeping my voice low. Dominik reaches out to push a bit of my hair out of my face before he leans down to place a gentle kiss on my forehead.
“Why don’t you go talk to your dad and text me when he leaves? I’ll start making something to eat.” I sigh, leaning into his chest and wrapping my arms around his waist.
“I’ll come over once he leaves and fill you in.” He hugs me back, squeezing me tightly before pulling back to peer down at me.
“If you wanna talk more once he leaves, we can. Or if you wanna just curl up, eat some food, and watch some moreNew Girl,we can do that. If you’re emotionally exhausted, don’t push yourself because you feel like youhaveto fill me in right away.” He kisses my forehead before starting to pull away. “I’m here for you, however you need me to be.”
If hearts could melt, mine would be in a puddle on the floor. Dominik has the tendency to see the messy, chaotic parts of me and somehow know exactly what I need. He doesn’t push me to open up before I’m ready to, but when I do, he’s never judged me. Dominik is someone who I could tell anything to and he would welcome every bit with open arms. My heart skips a beat at the thought that he has become someone important in my life. I know that we need to have a talk about what this is becoming, because somewhere over the past month, it’s turned into something more than just sex.
Swallowing thickly, I nod. After kissing him on the cheek, I square my shoulders and head back into my condo.
When I walk into the kitchen, my dad turns toward me and holds up a bottle of wine in one hand and the whiskey in the other. Laughing, I head over to my liquor cabinet and pull outthe bottle ofCrown Royal Applethat I keep hidden from Paige. Holding it up, I head toward the fridge.
“If I’m drinking whiskey, it’s gonna be this.” Pulling out the cranberry juice, I mix them together in two glasses and offer him one with a shrug.
“I’m sorry.” My dad doesn’t even give me a chance to ask him what he’s apologizing for as he continues. “I should have tried harder, fought for time with you and your brothers. Every time I talked to someone about the divorce and you guys, they all pointed out how hard it would be to win against your mother. Or that you guys would hate me if you were forced to come down here because of some court order. I thought paying the child support would be enough to show you that I was here for you three.”
He finally looks up at me from across the counter.
“I let others scare me into not fighting harder for my kids and, for that, I’m sorry.”
Swallowing thickly, I blink back tears. I’m so tired of crying, but lately I can’t help it. My dad is standing here, apologizing for something that wasn’t fully his fault. It’s understandable to see where he’s coming from, and I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a part of me that wished he would have tried harder. But the blame doesn’t solely rest on his shoulders.
Moving back around the island, I sit back down and think over what to say.
“When you first left, it wasn’t so bad. I can’t speak for Ian and Blake, but for me, at least, I didn’t notice anything different. I was busy with Paige.” I watch him with a smirk. “If anything, be grateful you missed the boy crazy teenage girl phase.”
That at least earns me a short laugh before I continue.
“Around the time of my first High School dance was the first time I remember you not being around. I had asked Mom if there was any way for you to make it to take pictures, but shesaid you couldn’t get the time off. When Christmas that year rolled around and once again, she said that you couldn’t get time… that’s when I remember being mad at you.”
Glancing at him, I wonder for a moment if I should stop talking. But then he turns to me with a sad smile and nods. After taking a sip of my drink, I continue.
“That following year, we all slowly stopped asking. When I asked if you were going to make it to my sixteenth birthday party, Mom had this huge breakdown about hockey being more important and how you made your choice. By the next Christmas, we all started to believe that you didn’t want us.” I motion to the seat next to me, offering him a place to sit.
“Add in the fact that we were angsty teenagers, it didn’t take much to upset us. So, as we got older, and you missed more birthdays, dances, and graduations… All we knew was what Mom told us. I think all three of us had just accepted you being gone.”
“But you called me.” He states, sitting next to me and I offer him a genuine smile.
“Everything was literally a shit show. Mom was begging me to get back with Cam. The boys had a really good friendship with him as well, so they were mad at me for hurting him. Paige was down here. I felt like there was nowhere else to go. So, I figured what’s the worst that could happen by calling you?” I take another sip to help clear the tightness in my throat.
“And, well, you heard the rest.” Nudging him with my shoulder, trying to joke about that so he knows I’m not upset. He stares at his drink as he finally talks.
“For the past nine years, my biggest regret has been the fact that I left you guys.” His voice is quiet as he toys with his watch.
“But you never came back.” I state sadly. He shakes his head as he stares blankly across the kitchen.
“When I took the job with the Bobcats, I signed a three-year contract. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be close to you guys, there was just no way to back out or change my agreement with the team.” Clearing his throat, he turns to me.
“Six years ago, when that contract was about to expire, I called your mother. I told her that I was considering transferring to a team closer, that I wanted to have a relationship with you and your brothers. She told me it would be a waste of my time, that you guys wanted nothing to do with me. I had made my own bed, I had to lay in it.” I close my eyes, but that does nothing to stop the tear from escaping.
“I assumed the bridges had been burned, and that she was right, you three were better without me.”
Biting my lip, I tilt my head back and blink rapidly, the ceiling blurring as I fight back tears. A part of me is upset about the decisions my mom made about him not being in our lives without telling us. He could have been in my life, but she chose to exile him for all of us.
