Page 33 of Cross Check My Heart
Then he started asking about how I played. He asked for a couple things that I was proud of from the game, then if there was anything I could have done better to improve the outcome of the game. By the time we finished our milkshakes, we had recapped the whole game. Though the team and I could have done better on a couple things, he helped me see that the otherteam was simply better that night. As he pulled out his wallet to pay, he waited until he had my full attention to speak.
“Even if you win, it doesn’t mean there’s nothing to learn. When you win, it means you have something to look back on and learn what works best. On the other hand, losing doesn’t mean you suck. And while it’s okay to be upset over not doing your best, it’s not okay to use that negativity as a reason to quit. When you’re full of negative emotions, that’s when you need to step away and process what you’re feeling. Once you can think with a clear head, that’s when you make your decisions.”
From that day on, that’s what I’ve played on repeat after every game. If my team loses, I step away for ten minutes, typically heading right for the shower. In that time, I do as dad said and process my emotions. Once I can think clearly, I usually find someone to go over the game with. Now if the team wins? There’s always adrenaline pumping through my veins and everyone gets caught in the high of the win. We still go over how the game was played, finding where we could improve, but that’s usually done the day after we’re done celebrating.
My attention is pulled back to the locker room as Landon claps me on the shoulder, pulling me with him. We round the corner and I brace myself as nerves finally take root in the pit of my stomach. Landon drops his hand, motioning for me to keep following him as he starts greeting a few players.
The room is a wide-open space with benches and lockers along three of the walls. Although the lockers are better described as wide cubicles. Each player gets a four-foot space with a couple hooks on the back and a single shelved cubby above that. On the remaining wall, that isn’t lined with lockers, is a giant mural painted for the team. At the center of the dark red wall is a bobcat looking like it’s tearing through the wall, painted with tans, whites and blacks. The blocked golden letters that read “TAMPA BAY” are painted above it, while “BOBCAT” is below.
I follow Landon straight back toward the far wall, where he sets his gym bag on the bench before turning back to me.
“You’re gonna be right here.” He motions to the space next to him that has two jerseys already hanging. A helmet and two gloves are in the cubby above while a brown box sits on the bench in front of it. I suck in a breath as I run my fingers along the jerseys. The one meant for home games is primarily darker red with a detailed bobcat in the center of the chest. From the shoulders down, the arms are the same red, while the cuff of the sleeve is golden yellow with thin black stripes framing it. The end of the torso is similar to the cuff, bringing the design together. My number, thirty-three, and Mikelson, are white on the back with thin black and gold stripes framing them. The jersey meant for away games is primarily white with the main stripes being red and the framing stripes are golden yellow. My number and last name on this jersey is black with a thin red stripe framing them.
“The box should be filled with merch for ya to either hand out or keep for yourself. There should also be some practice jerseys in there too.” I spare a glance at him as I set my bag on the ground while giving a slow nod. Sarah used to love it whenever I got goody boxes and would raid through them, taking what she wanted before I ever had a chance to see.
Forcing my thoughts away from my sister again, I move the unopened box to the ground. Coach had told me earlier that he wanted me to do some warmups with the team before they hit the ice. While they’re doing actual practice, I’m to stand on the sidelines with him to observe. Tomorrow is when they’ll throw me out there with them.
The thump of a gym bag landing on the bench has me turning to meet another teammate. His black hair is shaved close on the sides of his head and slightly longer on the top, looking ruffled like he’s been running his hand through it. His bright brown eyesare wide with excitement as he bounces on his toes next to me. Glancing at the gear in front of him, it’s safe to bet that this is the goalie.
“You must be Dominik!” He greets.
I laugh as I twist to offer a hand to shake. “That’s me, you the goalie?” His head bobs up and down as he continues to bounce in place.
“Yeah, man, I’m Dean. Good to have ya here. You all settled into your place? Did they put you up or did you find your own place?” He doesn’t even give me time to answer as he keeps talking. “I watched a couple of your games from last season, the few times we played against you were really fuckin’ close games. It’ll be cool to see how you fit in. You hittin’ the ice with us today?”
“Yo Squirrel, take a breath.” Landon laughs behind me, as I watch with an amused chuckle. I also make a note to never give the guy coffee.
“Shit. Sorry, man.” He pauses as he looks over my shoulder. “Morning Cap! How’s it going? How was dinner with your family last night?” Dean finally stops bouncing and turns to open his bag as Landon answers.
“It was good. Ma’ made stuffed peppers and my sister made rhubarb pie.” Dean groans as he sits next to me and starts pulling some gym clothes out of his bag.
“Dude. Please tell me you brought me a piece.” Landon chuckles as he reaches into his bag and pulls out a plastic Tupperware container. Dean jumps up from his seat, throwing a fist dramatically in the air before reaching around me to take the container from Landon. “I could kiss you man.”
“Please refrain from kissing anyone while in the locker room Dean.” Coach says by way of greeting as he enters. Everyone starts quieting down as he stands in front of the mural.
“Alright, couple things before we head to the gym.” Coach looks across the room at me. “First things first. As y’all saw yesterday, we signed Dominik Mikelson. He’ll be stepping right in as one of our defensemen and will be on the starting line.”
A couple of the guy’s murmur, but no one seems to be upset or shocked by my placement. I glance around the room, sharing slight head nods and smiles with a couple of the guys who make eye contact with me. My nerves begin to slowly ebb away.
Coach gives the team a moment to quiet down before talking again, congratulating the team on the win Friday night, he then goes over his goals for today’s practice. Every now and then, when he talks about specific players, Landon will lean in to point at who was mentioned. As Coach wraps up, one of the guys on the other side of Landon speaks up.
“Is new guy hittin’ the ice with us today?”
Coach answers as I’m shaking my head. “Not today. I want him on the sidelines observing alongside me.” I peer around Landon and am met with an impassive stare. He doesn’t seem pissed or upset, but he also isn’t oozing joy, like Dean and Landon. I watch Landon from the corner of my eye, but he doesn’t even seem to bat an eye as he smiles and nudges the statue next to him.
“Play nice, Grey.” Without breaking eye contact with me, Grey elbows Landon back.
“I’m always nice.” His flat tone suggests otherwise.
Coach wraps up a few more details before dismissing the team. As they leave, Dean and Landon squeeze my shoulder. Grey seems to watch me closely as he finishes getting his gear laced up. As a couple of guys introduce themselves on the way out, I don’t remember everyone’s names, aside from Reid and Carter who are both Forwards in the starting line.
When it’s down to a few guys across the room with Coach, Grey finally stands up next to me with his arms folded on his chest.
“I’m Greyson. The final Forward on the line you’re jumpin’ onto.” I nod in greeting, sneaking a glance at Coach before turning back to Greyson.
“Dominik.” He studies me for a moment longer before dropping his arms to grab his gloves and turns to walk toward the rink. Coach James stares at Grey as he walks away before turning back to me.
“Ready to go watch and learn?”
