Page 9 of Up In Flames
“Tay, you realize you basically just assaulted that guy, right?” she asks, concern filling her voice.
No. That’s not what that was. Iknowwhat I saw in that bathroom, andIknowhe kissed me back. I wouldneverforce myself on someone, and the fact that my sister is still taking Patrick’s side pisses me right the fuck off.
“Liv, drop it. It was a kiss…that he returned, I might add. But I’m ready to call it a night. I fly out at nine tomorrow morning,” I tell my siblings.
“Oh, where are you headed this time?” Ashton asks.
“Doing a multi-stop. Raleigh to Chicago to Dallas and then back home. I only have one more trip after that before I’m stuck here for a while.”
“That’s right,” Francesca says as we make our way to the parking lot after Ash pays. “I forgot you’re house sitting for Mom and Dad in a couple weeks. Do you need anything?”
Yeah, I think to myself,to not have to house sit because I’m going to go fucking crazy with nothing to do for ten days.I love my job as a flight attendant. New cities and new people every day. It never gets old. Sure, not all the cities and people are nice, but at least the shitty ones make good stories.
Another bonus of my job is that it allows me to physically escape and run from my problems, which is probably the only reason I’ve survived the last several months. Maybe not the healthiest, but sometimes it’s nice to look around and have no reminders of the painful shit.
“Nah, I’ll be fine,” I say out loud, knowing I haven’t beenfinein months.
Chapter 5
Knox
Idon’t go straight home. I drive around and around and around, trying to process the night, but it’s no use.
I’m not gay. Or bi. Or into guys at all.
Not to mention, he’s sofucking young that even if Iwereinto guys, I’d at least go after someone born in the same decade as me.
I try chalking it up to the alcohol, but in reality, I didn’t drink nearly enough to make myself think kissing him back was a good idea.
Next, I try blaming it on the environment.
Everyone in that bar wanted to touch him. The way his smooth, cut body glistened with sweat under the lights. It was enough to make anyone crazy with lust. His voice surrounded us while his energy lit us up from the inside.
It wasn’t just me.
But that kiss was just for me, my brain supplies unhelpfully.
I didn’t see it coming until his lips were already plastered against mine. Buttery soft, warm, and wet, I’ve never been kissed with so much heat. Not wanting him to feel rejected or made a fool of, I kissed him back.
Yeah, that’s it.
I did it forhim.To have not kissed him back could’ve ruined his night or hurt his feelings, and I know what I saw in his eyes. He was already hurting enough.
Satisfied with that justification, I finally turn toward home, feeling lighter. Now that the mystery is solved, I can let it go.
Except two weeks later,I still haven’t let it go.
The few times Phoenix and the guys have been available to hang out, I can’t help but watch them more intently. Where their hands go. How they kiss. Specifically, the all-male couples. They’re interesting to me in a way they never were before.
And it pisses me off.
They constantly touch each other, share looks, crowd each other’s space. And every time it happens, I’m transported back to that night at the bar.
Pulling up to Phoenix’s now, I steel myself for another night of fake smiles, guarded answers, and being the seventh wheel. Always the odd man out.
My self-loathing is at an all-time high these days. I’ve completely lost myself in my pain, grief, guilt, and isolation. Every situation I find myself in only seems to make it worse, and my mandatory hiatus from the fire station hasn’t helped anything either.
“I didn’t say it wasbetter,” Jake argues with Hudson, taking a long pull from his beer bottle as I approach the group, most of whom are already seated around the bonfire.“I just said it’s different and what I prefer, obviously, and since we’re both guys, I thinkwedo it more often.”
