Page 70 of Up In Flames
Knox
My phone rings, so I put it on silent mode only for it to begin buzzing a minute later. It’s the weekend. I’m not working today, and I don’t have plans with the guys. It’s the first time in a long time that I’m exactly where I want to be and I’m not concerned with trying to stay busy to fight my loneliness. For once, I don’t care what the guys are doing or what’s happening at the fire station.
With Taylor in my arms, nothing is more important right now so I reach over and turn the damn thing off.
I drift back to sleep, warm and happy, pulling Taylor close and loving how he burrows into me, his fingers threading through my chest hair even in his sleep.
Sometime later, I’m woken up by someone beating on my front door. Begrudgingly, I slide away from Taylor’s warm body, slip into my discarded pants from the night before, and head toward the obnoxious pounding.
I swear to God, if Phoenix is on the other side of…
“Oh, shit.”
If I’d thought my world had tilted on its axis the night Karen called, it hasnothingon seeing her standing on my doorstep.
Subconsciously, I rub a hand over my bare chest, feeling a little smug that she follows the movement across my pecs until her eyes land on the tender spot under my fingers.
Taylor’s hickey and bite mark.
Her eyes coast back up to mine, and I feel the need to apologize.
Not for the mark.
For missing coffee.
“Karen, hi. I’m sorry, I completely forgot about our meeting.” I almost addit’s nice to see youbecause manners are sort of my thing, but I stop myself. I may have forgotten about coffee, but she forgot our wedding vows, so I let the nicety die on my tongue.
She looks…unchanged. Actually, she looks less happy than I remember. She used to have beautiful, silky brown hair, and it’s now dull, no doubt damaged from numerous flat irons over the years. Her makeup is thicker, obviously trying to hide the signs of aging. And her mouth is set in a scowl, making her look even older.
“Obviously,” she says with a tight smile, thrusting a paper coffee cup at me. “Still take it black?”
Apparently, these days, I like a little cream with things.
The humorous thought is so unexpected, I cough to hide my grin.
“Hmhm.Uh, yeah. Thanks.”
This is one of the strangest moments I’ve ever had in my life. It feels like the sky should split open. Lightning should strike the doorstep where she’s standing. The ground should shake.
Something.
But as she and I face off, the moment is lacking. Looking down at her now, this woman I once loved…this woman I’d convinced myself was my everything and whose absence I’vebeen paralyzed by for years…I find myself simply wondering whyI’d been so devastated.
Why did I allow it to break me?
Why have I missed her?
Why did I never notice the lack of a spark, passion, and desire?
Karen stands there, unblinking, looking at me expectantly, and that’s when I realize she wants me to invite her in.
I meant what I told Taylor. I would never hide him. If I’m embarrassed by him, then I don’t need to be going down this road at all. But there’s a big difference in accepting myself in private, accepting myself in the safety-net of my friends, then strangers, and finally, at the tippy-top of the pyramid—like so far up, I never expected to have to do it—is accepting this part of myself in front of my ex-wife.
I’ve barely made it through the first phase, let alone rushing into the fourth.
Although, I must admit, the crisis of being face-to-face with Karen is not as overwhelming as it could’ve been, while the prospect of my…boyfriend? Fuck buddy? Friend with benefits?...walking in on this meeting looms overhead.
My silence must clue Karen in to my discomfort because she says, “I’ll only be here a minute.” Her eyes travel to the bite mark on my chest before coming back up to my eyes. “I’d hate to keep you from your company.”
