Page 40 of Up In Flames
The rest of the guys don’t talk to me like that. They all have some level of respect for me as the oldest member of our group, but Phoe doesn’t give two shits about my age. It’s because of this that I do as he says.
God, he reminds me of Taylor.
I grab the remote to turn the game up a little because I’m going to need some background noise as five pairs of eyes try boring into my soul. Now that it’s time to open up, I find myself shutting down.
I stall, focusing on the TV until Phoenix walks up to the electronic device mounted on my wall and turns it off before taking the remote from my hands.
I don’t fight him.
I’m fucking drowning, and if I don’t start processing my shit, I fear the outcome.
“Out with it,” he says gently.
Planting my elbows on my knees, I dip my head to rake my fingers through my hair as I try to figure out how to ask my question.
“Knoxy, whatever it is, you know we’ve got you, right?” Hudson asks.
I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat.
Sentimental assholes.
Taking a deep breath, I force the exhale.Here goes nothing.
“Can…is…fuck,” I sigh before finally biting the bullet. “Do you think being bisexual or homosexual or whatever is like, contagious?” Five pairs of eyes widen, and Jake hides his smile behind his fist, but to their credit, no one laughs at the ridiculous question, which encourages me to elaborate. “I mean, it’s not really something I’ve ever considered, but I don’t know, there’s this guy on a jobsite and…” I trail off, getting frustrated, not really knowing how to explain Taylor or my reaction to him. “Our interactions are…intense.”
“Knox,” Jake interrupts gently. “Take a breath, man. We’re here to help, not judge. Just relax and get it out as best as you can.”
I nod, but keep my eyes firmly on the ottoman in front of me.
“I’ve watched you two,”—I wave my finger ambiguously in Phoenix and Jake’s direction—“end up with guys, and the more I’m around you, the less weird or unnatural it seems. Not like I was ever against it to begin with,” I add, quickly realizing I’m totally fucking this up. “But it never occurred to me that maybeI’dbe attracted to a guy someday.”
There, I said it…sort of.
Unsurprisingly, Phoenix is the one who clarifies. “So, are you trying to tell us you’re attracted to this guy on your jobsite?”
I scrub my hands down my face. “I don’t know. Maybe?”
Hudson chuckles. “Maybelike youareand you’re having a hard time coming to terms with that, ormaybelike you legitimately don’t know?”
“I legitimately don’t know, but I get all fuckin’ flustered around him and do dumb shit that could get me fired from this job,” I admit, the words coming a little easier now, like I’ve crested the top of the hill and am starting to gain speed as I come down the other side.
“Like what?” Dylan asks from his spot on the couch.
“Texting him?” I’m unsure why it comes out as a question.
“Since when is texting a fireable offense?” Walker asks. “Unless you’re texting dick pi—ohmygod, are you textingdick pics?”
“No!” I shout emphatically, whipping my head toward Walker.
“Then what’s been going on?” Jake presses.
“We…”God, this is awkward.“…uh, keep finding ourselves alone. Like we’re looking for ways to see each other.”
“Is he hot?” Phoenix asks, like that’s the most natural question in the world.
I shock the hell out of myself when I answer just as easily. “Yeah.”
Phoenix’s eyes widen as a smile creeps across his face. “Like, Dylan-level hot?”
