Page 36 of Up In Flames
“The problem,” I continue, “was that Patrick had never been open about his bisexuality with Liam, or his wife, Emilia. He confessed to hiding that part of himself once he and Emilia started dating. He also confessed that being with me was easy because it didn’t feel like cheating on Emilia or her memory. For six months, we snuck around. It was intense, passionate. I let him use me to get through his grief, and in return, I was falling for him hard and fast. We’d made plans to tell our families over the holidays last year if things continued to grow serious, but before we had the chance, Liam and Damon came home to surprise Patrick for his birthday. A birthday we were already in the full swing of celebrating…naked…in his living room.”
At this point in the story, I’m pretty sure Knox’s fingers are inside my muscles for how hard he’s gripping me, and I’m afraid his teeth are going to break. But I decide to finish anyway.
“Patrick was mortified, but instead of explaining what we’d become to each other, he pushed me away. He accused me of using his grief to seduce him. He spoke to my parents, apologized for what happened between us as if we’d done something wrong, and blocked my number. He conveniently forgot to mention thathewas the one who saidI love youfirst.Hewas the one who begged me to give an actual relationship with him a try.Hewas the one who saidheneededme. And then he threw me under the bus. My parents were furious with me for sleeping with him, and Damon lost his shit. He accused me of being selfish and blamed me for jeopardizing his friendship with Liam.” I huff out a sad laugh. “My own twin was more upset over thepossibilityof losing his best friend than he was over therealityof losing me. In the end, I lost them all to some degree.”
When Knox’s teeth start grinding together, I reach up and gently massage his jaw on both sides.
“The point I’m trying to make is that it’s okay to hurt…to be mad…to be sad. It doesn’t make you weak, and even if it did, it’s okay to let someone else be the strong one now and then.”
His jaw finally relaxes under my touch as his eyes close and his head falls back against the couch as he begins to speak.
“I’m not sure who I’m angrier with; Karen for leaving, or myself for being unable to get over it,” he admits.
“I know that feeling all too well. But have some grace for yourself. You were together a long time,” I say gently.
“I thought I was doing better, but then all my friends started dating their spouses within a year of each other, leaving me alone once again, so I’ve been in my head more than usual…” he trails off, and I stay quiet, anticipating that he has more to say. I’m rewarded a few short seconds later. “She called me a couple nights ago out of the blue and again last night. It’s the first I’ve heard from her in five years. Left a voicemail that I haven’t worked up the courage to listen to yet.”
I startle at this news.
How would I feel if Patrick contacted me? It’s only been six months since his silence began and already, I know it would cripple me forweeksto see his name on my phone again. I can’t imagine what seeing it after fiveyearswould do to me. No wonder Knox is so fucked up tonight.
“Do you want me to listen to it and give you a summary?” I offer.
He hesitates for a second and then nods. “Okay.”
Handing me his phone, I turn the volume all the way down and slide off his lap. I don’t want there to be any chance of him hearing her voice until he’s ready.
Once I’m a safe distance away, I hold the phone up to my ear and the voicemail begins to play.
“Hi, Knox. It’s um, it’s Karen. Something’s come up that I need to discuss with you in person. I’m in town for a few days, so give me a call when you get this.
Her voice makes me want to punch something. I don’t even know the woman, but her tone rubs me the wrong way. Like it’s somehow submissive and condescending at the same time. Too sweet, like poison disguised as the apple.
“Well?” Knox asks as I pull the phone away from my ear.
“She has something she needs to talk to you about and wants to meet in person. Asked that you call her back,” I tell him, trying to keep the skepticism out of my voice. I came over here to help him process his shit, not to add fuel to the fire of hatred.
I watch as sobriety slowly overtakes his buzz.
“What do I do?” he asks.
Making my way back to him, I sit on the ottoman in front of him. “Do you think there’s any chance that seeing her again could bring you the closure you were denied five years ago?”
He sighs. “Maybe. Depends on what she wants, I guess.”
“You could always text that number back instead of talking to her directly. Find out more information before committing,” I suggest.
He nods at his phone, still in my hands. “Will you do it?”
“Sure.”
I type out a quick message and let him read it before hitting send. We both wait in the heavy silence for a response that may or may not come.
“Why are you more comfortable talking about this to me than to Phil, or Javi, or your other friends?” I ask as a way to keep my dick in check. Apparently, dealing with Knox’s ex-wife isn’t enough to make it mind its own damn business.
“I don’t know. That night at the bar, when you were literallyon the bar, and we made eye contact, I swore my own pain was reflected in your eyes, and it sounds dumb as hell, but I felt this weird connection to you even then…it’s why I had to leave.”
His eyes continue darting to my lips and I’m about to ask if I can kiss him when his phone rings.
