Page 23 of Up In Flames
“I’ve got it,” Phoenix interjects.
Dylan heads outside behind Cassie and Miguel. As Jake leaves the kitchen to follow Hud, he gives me an apology and pulls me in for a hug. “I just hate seeing you so torn up over her. She isn’t worth it, Knox.”
I nod and clap him on the back, but remain silent.
Finally, when just Phoenix and I remain, I busy myself with cleaning up the table, suddenly too jittery and anxious to stay seated.
“You want to talk about it?” he asks.
Immediately, I shake my head.No.
“When are you going to start letting us in, Knox?” I stay quiet until his hand lands on my arm, stilling my movements. “You once told me to stop running from my demons and talk to them, or they’d end up being the only company I kept. I’m telling youto do the same. What’s going on? I’m sure Karen’s call is jarring, but you’ve been acting weird for a couple weeks now.”
Refusing to open up to Phoenix would make me a giant hypocrite, and that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
But where do I start?
Taking a deep breath, I admit as much as I can. “Look, Phoe.” I pause and lick my lips,hatinghow vulnerable I am right now. “I’m just going through a rough patch, you know?”
I was a fool to think he’d let me leave it there.
“Rough how?” he prods, moving about my kitchen and mercifully keeping his eyes off me.
I scrub a hand down my face, deciding how much to tell him, or evenwhatto tell him. I don’t want him to feel bad for finding happiness and love with Walker.
“It’s been challenging as much as it’s been rewarding to watch you, Jake, and Hud find Walker, Dylan, and Shannon,” I start. “But I was already the odd man out, being almost fifteen years older than all of you.”
Before I can continue, Phoenix turns to face me, ready to argue. “No one’s age has ever mattered in our circle, and you know it. Now tell me what’s really going on.”
“I’m tired of being alone.”
There. I said it.
“Knox,” Phoe starts, but I already know where it’s going. “You’re not?—”
“Alone?” I finish for him. “Yeah, Phoe. I am. Every night when I climb into bed and every day when I climb out of it. It’s just me. Watching after you guys and hanging out the past few years has been great, but you’re all moving on with your own families, and I’m still in the same place I was.”
“Then you’ve gotta change it up, Knoxy,” Phoe says. “You know the saying.If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got. Maybe it’s time tostart branching out. Try a new dating app. Talk to someone at your gym. Get your bike out. Hell, I haven’t seen you ride in almost two years.”
Probably because I haven’t. I love my old Triumph, but so did Karen. The last time I took it out, the memory of her behind me was so strong it was like she was actually there, and I couldn’t bear the memory.
And now she’s fucking calling me.
“You want me to call her back? See what’s going on?” Phoenix asks.
I shake my head. This ismyshit to deal with. As is Taylor. I retreat into myself, dismissing Phoenix.
“Nah, man. It’s all good. I’ll handle it. Why don’t you get out of here? I’m sure Walker’s home by now. He’s probably waiting for you.”
“I hate leaving you like this, Knox. I wish you’d open all the way up for once.”
I crack a smile and make a terrible joke. “I’m sure Walker is all the way open for you right now, so get the hell out of my kitchen.”
Phoenix huffs a laugh. “Did you just make a joke about my fiancé’s asshole?”
I shrug. “Guess I did.”
“I’m going to give you time to process, but we aren’t done talking about this. I’m going to do to you what you and Cassie did to me, so don’t think you’re off the hook,” Phoenix says, moving toward my front door.
