Page 62 of The Goblin Twins
“No!” A’bbni said, much too quickly and a little too loudly, making Lai jump. “No,” he said, dropping his voice down and clutching the pillow tighter. “I… I’ll be all right.”
“You don’t look all right,” Lai said softly, grabbing the sheets and gently pulling them over him to cover him up.
A’bbni shook his head, aware his ears had dropped back. He felt like a child being afraid of the dark. There was nothing to be afraid of, nothing that would hurt him, but his heart still raced in his chest much too quickly.
“You… you haven’t done that since… since that Captain…?” Lai ventured.
A’bbni shook his head. “No…”
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Lai said again. “I shouldn’t have…”
“You couldn’t have known. I didn’t know,” A’bbni replied, feeling guilt tug at his heart. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” Lai said again. “Just breathe, please?”
A’bbni took a deep breath in and let it out, forcing his body to release some of the tension he didn’t realize he had been holding. He uncurled his legs and stretched them out just a bit. “Hold me?” he asked softly.
Lai nodded and laid down next to him, wrapping his arms around him. A’bbni curled into them, still clutching the pillow to his chest. He tucked his head under Lai’s chin as strong fingers stroked over the skin on his arms and shoulders lightly. “I… You didn’t hurt me,” A’bbni said softly against Lai’s neck. “I promise.”
“Good,” Lai said softly, cuddling him close and just holding still.
A’bbni closed his eyes, letting the warmth and the scent that was Lai wash over him. “I… I didn’t think that I… I would panic…”
“You’re allowed to panic,” Lai said, pressing a kiss to his head. “He hurt you. Your body remembers that, even if you know I wouldn’t.”
A’bbni pressed closer to him. “I… It’s not like I haven’t done that before.”
“You don’t have to justify it,” Lai said softly, stroking his fingers up A’bbni’s ear lightly. “I’m not mad, I’m just worried.”
“I’m sorry to make you worry.”
“A’bbni, stop apologizing,” Lai said, shifting so he could look down into the goblin’s face. “You don’t ever have to apologize to me. Especially not for how you feel.”
A’bbni leaned up and pressed his lips to Lai’s. Lai held him close and let him control the kiss, stroking his thumb over his ear gently. A’bbni finally pulled away from the kiss as tears began to glide silently down his cheeks. “I hate him,” he said softly. “I hate that he did this to me and that you have to be a part of it.” Lai was silent, wiping away the tears before they could fall off his jaw. A’bbni curled against him again. “I… I don’t want to think about him when I’m with you. I don’t want to be afraid.” Lai’s heart was steady under his ear, a reassuring sound that seemed to thrum in his head. “I don’t… want any of this. I want to just be with you, and Shi’chen. Just the three of us.”
Lai pressed another kiss to A’bbni’s hair. “It will always be us,” he soothed gently. “You, and me, and Shi’chen together.”
“And the entire country,” A’bbni said, hearing the bitterness in his tone.
“Fuck the country, they don’t matter right now. You and Shi’chen are the only things that matter to me,” Lai replied, stroking A’bbni’s hair. “The rest can wait.”
A’bbni reached up to run his fingertips lightly over the point of one of Lai’s short ears, and Lai held still for him. “I would go away. With you, and Shi’chen. The three of us could run away, together.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” Lai said softly, reaching to stroke A’bbni’s cheek. “You have honor, and compassion, and a good heart. You came back here to challenge your Cousin because it’s the right thing to do, for your people.”
A’bbni curled tighter into his arms. “I… I want to… to be able to be with you, Lai. I want to be able to give all of myself to you.”
“Hey.” Lai shifted so he could look down into A’bbni’s eyes, and A’bbni felt his heart quiver at the softness in the gorgeous, green depths. “We take it at your pace. You’re the one in control. And if you never want to do it, we don’t have to. It’s not about sex. I want you for you.”
A’bbni slid his arms around Lai’s neck, sitting up on his knees so he could kiss the blond firmly. Lai held him close, kissing him back. A’bbni tangled his fingers into Lai’s hair to hold him tighter before pulling back to look at him. “I’m in control?”
“Yes,” Lai said firmly.
A’bbni hesitated for a moment. Lai frowned, catching his eye. “What is it?”
A’bbni flushed a little, his ears dipping. “Nothing.”
Lai raised a brow. “You know you can say anything to me.”
