Page 48 of The Goblin Twins
Shi’chen cringed, squeezing A’bbni’s hands with his own that were suddenly trembling. “It is easier for me to do something if I do not have to protect you at the same time.” His words came out soft, but A’bbni’s eyes still went wide with hurt, and Shi’chen instantly regretted them. “I-sha, I…”
“I did not ask you to protect me, Shi’chen.” A’bbni’s voice was low and flat. “I have never asked that of you. I have never asked you to defend me, or make excuses for me, or shelter me.”
“No, you have not,” Shi’chen admitted. He dropped to his knees, pressing the back of A’bbni’s hands to his forehead. “I’m sorry. I should not have said that.” He could feel A’bbni’s eyes boring into him, and he pressed his forehead more firmly to his brother’s hands in apology.
“You should not have, but you did,” A’bbni said, pulling his hands back, and Shi’chen let them go, gazing up at his brother from the floor. “It is not your fault what happened. I do not blame you for it, and I will not. But you do not get to place your own feelings of guilt onto me.”
Shi’chen cringed, his ears flat, dropping his eyes to the carpet as he nodded. A’bbni’s words were true, but they still stung like a hoard of bees. He took a deep, shaky breath. He didn’t know what he was going to say, he just knew he had to say something. But before he could get any sound out, A’bbni suddenly stood and brushed past him. “I need some air.” Shi’chen could feel the unspoken ‘do not follow me’ in his twin’s words, so he just stayed where he was on his knees, feeling hot tears in his eyes that he refused to let fall until the door had shut firmly behind A’bbni.
Chapter sixteen
A'bbni
Hewasn’tevensurewhere his feet were carrying him as Shi’chen’s words tumbled around in his mind. A’bbni made his way down the stairs and outside into the back garden without stopping. When he became aware of his surroundings, he found he was sitting on one of the cold, stone benches amongst the trimmed hedges, the stone cat eyeing him playfully from its frozen crouch. He curled his legs up under him, taking a deep breath of icy air that cleared a little of the fog in his mind. He knew his brother meant well. But just because he cried easily did not mean that he needed Shi’chen to protect him from the world. And he couldn’t. Hi’jan had proved that. Thinking about that night hurt enough without having to see his pain reflected in his brother’s eyes. And knowing that Shi’chen’s guilt was tearing his brother apart only made it worse.
A’bbni lifted his head as the soft crunch of footsteps approached him, preparing himself to have to talk to his twin. Instead, when he turned, Lai was standing a few paces away, watching him with a concerned look in his grass-green eyes. A’bbni quickly took a deep breath and sat up, giving the blond half-elf a small smile. “Hi.”
“Hey.” Lai closed the distance between them. “Can I sit with you?”
A’bbni nodded, shifting a little on the bench to make room for Lai. The half-elf sat down next to him, and A’bbni flushed just a bit at the close warmth, suddenly realizing he had walked outside without grabbing a cloak. He swallowed, finding his mouth dry as he tried to come up with something to say that did not sound completely besotted. Instead, Lai broke the silence. “Your brother sent me to find you because he was worried.”
The thought that Shi’chen sent Lai to seek him out instead of coming after him himself made A’bbni’s heart flutter just a bit. “Did… did you hear us fighting?”
Lai shrugged. “No. What did you fight about?”
A’bbni dropped his eyes to the ground, scuffing at the dirt with the toe of his shoe. “Shi’chen wants to go back to Er’hadin without me.”
Lai raised a brow. “He spent the whole time away from you pining for you, and now he wants to leave you alone again?”
“Was he pining?” A’bbni asked with a soft laugh, lifting his head to meet Lai’s eyes.
Lai gave him a grin. “Sure was.”
A’bbni smiled back at him before lowering his eyes again. “We never fight. He… he said that he didn’t want to have to worry about protecting me. But that is a burden he placed upon himself, not something I asked of him.”
“I’m pretty sure you are capable of protecting yourself just fine,” Lai offered.
A’bbni shrugged a little, scuffing his toe into the ground again. “I wasn’t strong enough to… to stop what my Cousin and Captain Hin-Ve’ssa did to me, and Shi’chen blames himself for it.”
Lai was silent, and A’bbni looked into his face to realize that Lai didn’t know what he was talking about. Part of him felt grateful that Shi’chen had not told Lai about what happened, but then his stomach dropped like lead when he realized that meant he would have to tell Lai himself.
“En’shea was going to make me a slave,” he admitted softly. “To… to a rival Captain who hates us.” A’bbni couldn’t meet Lai’s eyes as the shame flooded back to him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered if Lai would not like him after his admission, but he couldn’t stop now, and the words tumbled out in a rush. “He was going to have Shi’chen executed and let Captain Hin-Ve’ssa have me as a slave in his bed. Hi’jan has hated us for a long time, and our Cousin knew it. So, he let Hi’jan torture me, and when he was trying to get us to… to confess to treason, he…” He took a deep breath, then lifted his eyes to meet Lai’s, forcing down a wave of nausea as he finished, “He raped me.”
“Shit,” Lai breathed, his arms moving to gently wrap around the prince, slow and light enough to let A’bbni pull away if he wanted to. A’bbni blinked at the sudden closeness of the young man, then slowly nestled into his arms, the way he would into his brother’s. “I’m so sorry you had to endure that.”
A’bbni shook his head, his fingers tangling lightly in the front of Lai’s shirt to grip it tightly. “I’m all right.”
“Are you?” Lai asked gently, and his words made tears well in A’bbni’s eyes. “It’s all right if you’re not.”
A’bbni shook his head slowly. “I have to be strong, for my brother and my people.”
“You are strong,” Lai said pointedly, reaching down to take A’bbni’s chin gently in his hand. “You and your brother are the strongest people I know. But just because you’re strong doesn’t mean you can’t be hurt, or that you’re not allowed to feel.”
A’bbni took a shuddery breath, glancing around quickly. Lai read the look and pulled him in closer, shifting to shield A’bbni from the view of anyone who might be looking out the windows. And then it all came to a head inside of him. The murder of their Father, the torture at the hands of Hi’jan and En’shea, running from their home, the weeks spent not knowing if his brother was alive or dead, the audacity of the Council, and his fight with Shi’chen all converged on him at once, and he started to sob. The next moment, Lai was gently stroking his hair as he held him. A’bbni wrapped his arms tightly around the half-elf’s chest, burying his face in Lai’s shoulder as he cried. Together, they sat there for he didn’t know how long, Lai not saying a word, just letting the prince cry until the tears finally abated, and A’bbni went still in his arms.
In the silence that followed, all they could hear was the rustle of leaves blowing over the stone paths and A’bbni’s deep breaths before he slowly pulled himself out of Lai’s arms, his face and ears red as he ducked his head. “I… I apologize,” he said softly.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Lai said, shaking his head, making the sunlight catch his blond ponytail.
