Page 94 of Lighting the Lamp
I bury my face in the pillow, his words looping in my head, louder than every doubt I’ve ever carried.You are it for me. The start, the middle, the end.For the first time in forever, I don’t feel like I’m bracing for someone to leave. I feel like I’m standing on the edge of something terrifyingly beautiful, and instead of pulling back, I lean into it.
Tears soak into the fabric beneath my cheek, and I let them because beneath every scar carved by people who didn’t stay, there’s something else sparking alive in my chest.
Hope.
And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough to carry me into tomorrow.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Beau
The locker room smells like sweat, tape glue, and whatever Jace spilled in his gym bag three days ago. Someone’s blasting emo from a beat-up Bluetooth speaker in the corner—Dashboard Confessional and wailing heartbreak—and instead of rolling my eyes like usual, I hum along under my breath. Because today, everything feels good. No, better than good. Everything feels like possibility, and nothing can dampen my mood, except the second I step inside, a half-eaten protein bar hits me in the shoulder, and the chirping starts.
“Look who has graced us with his presence!” Crosby crows, standing at his stall like he’s announcing a miracle.
“Is that Beau Hendrix,” Cooper calls out without even looking up from where he’s taping his stick, “or the ghost of a man who got kissed so hard he left his body?”
“You’re all so invested. Am I supposed to feel flattered, or should I file restraining orders?” I drop my gear bag with a thud and shake my head, a grin already tugging at the corners of my mouth.
“It just seems unnatural.” Jace groans, flopping onto the bench like someone canceled his birthday. “It’s been, what, fiveweeks? People don’t stay this happy. It’s abnormal. It’s—wait, are you glowing?”
“New skincare routine,” I deadpan. “Witch hazel and the love of a good woman.”
“Gross,” Mackenzie mutters, grabbing his stick like he might need to use it defensively. “I liked you better when you were broody and borderline feral.”
“Yeah,” Jace says. “At least that guy didn’t hum his way into the locker room.”
“I caught him hummingtwiceon the way in,” Crosby says. “I’m talking full verses. This guy’s got the whole emo soundtrack going like it’s 2005 and he’s in love for the first time.”
I laugh because they’re right. I haven’t stopped smiling since Alise kissed me back like she meant it. Like maybe, just maybe, she won’t push me away this time. I should care that my brother has no problem spreading my business around the entire locker room, but I don’t. At least not about this. I want the entire world to know that Alise Moore is mine, or at least is on her way to being mine. It’ll be nice not to have to threaten to knock someone’s teeth out the minute they look at her like she is a prize to be won. Alise is a prize for sure, but the only person who is winning her is me.
“You make out with one girl and suddenly you’re Buddha with a blocker?” Cole strolls in like he owns the place, and smugness oozes from him with every step. He must be here for a check-in with Parker.
“One girl who is smarter than all of us and still somehow likes me,” I reply, pulling on my pads. “I’m allowed to be smug.”
“Did you sleep last night?” Parker follows him in, clipboard in hand, expression already tight with concern. “And are you still doing your hydration checks?”
“Let him be,” someone says. “He’s in his simp era. Let the man enjoy it.”
“Simp? My guy is one sappy playlist away from getting down on one knee.”
“I’d love nothing more than to let you continue to spend your time rewriting your entire love life as a Taylor Swift album in your Notes app, but if you want to get on the ice today, answer the question.” Parker levels me with a no-nonsense glare, and I sigh.
“Yes, Dad.”
“Oh, so Parker is your daddy now. What does that make Cooper?” Cole slaps my back with a smirk.
“You’re not helping.” I groan.
“That’s what little brothers are for.” He grins before disappearing around the corner.
“I’m still waiting for that answer.”
“Uh. I drank a smoothie?”
“That’s not hydration. It’s a dessert with protein powder. Water, Beau. Have you had actual water?”
I reach for the bottle on the bench like I’ve been drinking it all morning. “Absolutely.”
