Page 82 of Lighting the Lamp
Who am I kidding? Things haven’t been the same in the locker room since Cole and Michele got together. Mercer has been cold, distant, and has made it his life’s mission to tear anyone and everyone down, one cutting comment at a time. Not to mention how he has constantly gaslit me at every turn, pretending he had my back, whispering that he only wanted what was best for me, while working overtime to isolate me from the team during this whole health scare. He made me doubt my instincts, my place in the net—hell, even my sanity. Every bruise, mental or physical, he twisted into proof that I didn’t belong here anymore.
And now, after walking out mid-game and getting himself suspended, he suddenly reappears at practice. Management no doubt forced him back to practice, even though the suspension still stands. I can’t figure out if they’re biding their time or if Cooper’s already cooking up his own endgame. Either way,Mercer slithering back in the day I’m finally off the injured reserve and cleared to skate isn’t a coincidence. That’s a strategy. I can feel it like a shift in the air before a storm. It’s time to circle the wagons and get a plan together.
I jab my thumb into the call button on the steering wheel. “Call Cole.”
“What’s up, old man?” Cole answers, voice still hoarse from sleep or laziness, but knowing him, it’s probably both.
“You busy?”
“Just inhaling a breakfast burrito the size of my forearm and watching reruns ofHouse Hunters. Why?”
“Cole, it’s one in the afternoon,” I respond after a quick glance at the clock on my dash.
“And? Not all of us are up doing wind sprints before sunrise. Some of us wake up when our bodies let us.”
There’s a bite to his words, something brittle beneath the sarcasm. A bitterness he’s not bothering to hide today.
“You’re just jealous.”
It slips out before I can stop it—instinctive and familiar. Teasing used to mean we were okay, but this time, the silence hits differently.
“Yeah. Yeah, maybe I am.” Cole scoffs, his tone flat and void of all emotion. “It must be nice to still be out there. To stillbesomeone.”
“Cole,” I say, voice low, the sudden guilt punching through my chest, “I didn’t mean it like that?—”
“I know.” He exhales hard, like the weight of it all just cracked a rib. “That wasn’t fair to say.”
I swallow, throat suddenly tight. I want to reach through the phone and shake the grief off him. I want to fix it. I want a version of us that doesn’t carry this damn ache under every word.
“Sorry, had a rough therapy session this morning. One of the digging days. All guts, no answers.”
“I get it,” I say, nodding even though he can’t see me. “Those are the worst.”
A beat stretches between us, and for a second, I wonder if I should go back to therapy. Momma made all of us go after Dad died, and I lied through my teeth the entire time. Anything to get me out of that tiny office with the woman who forced me to think about one of the worst days of my entire life. But now that I’m older, maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing to talk to someone who doesn’t wear my jersey. Cooper and Cole both go and seem to be better for it, but do I need it? I mean, where would I find the time between doctor’s appointments and pretending everything’s fine? Besides, everything’sperfect, remember? The thought disappears before it can form fully, and I go back to what I always do when things get too close to the bone… I crack a joke.
“House Hunters, though?” I scoff, dragging us both out of the deep end. “Jesus, you’re one early bird special away from a senior discount.”
“It’s educational,” Cole says defensively. “Also, the couple picked the cookie-cutter ranch without the open concept, and honestly? Bold move.”
“God help me. I need you to meet me at my place in thirty. I need to shower first.”
“Coop has news about Mercer?”
“Yup, but he didn’t want to elaborate. The only thing he said was management didn’t know what to do with him yet.”
“Beau, I’m sorry, man. If I hadn’t been using… hadn’t dragged Michele into all this… he wouldn’t be… whatever this is. He used to be a good man and coach, and I ruined all that.” Cole sighs, and guilt drips through the line like oil in water.
“Stop.” My voice slices through the quiet like a slap. It’s sharper than I meant it to be, but maybe that’s the only way he’ll hear it. “Don’t do that. Don’t take all that on.”
“But it’s true.”
“No,” I say again, firmer now, my chest tightening with every word. “It was always gonna happen. Mercer couldn’t control her, and that scared the hell out of him. You’re just the bastard who fell in love with her.”
“Lucky bastard,” Cole murmurs.
“Yeah, lucky.” I blink, jaw clenched, throat thick. “And she’s lucky, too. You didn’t make her choose, Cole. He did, and that’s on him.”
“You sure you’re okay?”
