Page 36 of Lighting the Lamp
Everyone cheers except me, but I’ve got a bright smile plastered on my face. I high-five everyone, pretending like this changes everything. Like we didn’t just squeak by on borrowed adrenaline and a lucky bounce. I don’t want to be here. I want to lie down somewhere dark and quiet and not move for an hour or a week. I need time to figure out how to deal with the dread that now lives in my bones and whispers that this might be it.
“Hey, you heading out with us?” Browers’s voice is distant, like I’m hearing it through water.
“Nah, gonna hang back.”
“Are you sure you’re good?” Mackenzie frowns, his eyes scanning my face.
“Just tired.” The lie tastes sour in my mouth, but it works.
They accept it like they always do, with a nod or a soft pat on the back. A few more jokes are tossed over shoulders as thelocker room thins out, steam rising from the showers and gear bags slung over tired arms. One by one, they drift out toward their nights, their people, their lives still intact.
I stay planted on the bench, jaw tight and every breath like dragging air through molasses. The pain is spreading slowly and cruelly through my body. A coil behind my knee, fire licking up my spine, and that awful flutter in my chest that’s not adrenaline and not effort but something darker. Something I can’t name. I focus on keeping my hands still and my face blank. On not curling in on myself when every cell in my body is screaming to lie down and disappear.
Then Cooper steps around the corner, already showered and in a pair of gray sweatpants and a Timberwolves hoodie, his expression tight as his eyes land on me. He sinks onto the bench beside me with a low grunt, rubbing a hand over his jaw.
“You good?”
“Yeah.” I keep my voice even. “Hell of a third period there, Cap.”
“Someone had to do something. Mercer was tanking the entire game with his attitude.”
I nod slowly and carefully. My whole left side is on fire, a grinding pain like something’s tearing loose every time I breathe. “Think that was the final nail?”
“Oh, it was the whole damn coffin.” Cooper leans forward, elbows on his knees. “I’m talking to the front office first thing tomorrow. He’s done.”
I want to say good riddance. I want to agree to join him in that righteous fire, but my voice is stuck somewhere between my throat and the dull, persistent ache pulsing through my chest because I can still hear Mercer’s voice, low and venomous in my ear.
Cooper glances at me like he already knows. “What did he say to you?”
I hesitate because I don’t want to give the words echoing through my head anything more power, but I tell him anyway. “He leaned in and said, ‘If you’re gonna ride IR like a glorified mascot, at least stay the hell out of the way.’”
Cooper’s head snaps toward me, his hand flexing on his knee. “He said that?”
“Yeah.”
“Jesus.” His entire frame goes rigid. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“So you could punch him in front of a packed arena?” I try for lightness, but it comes out strained.
“You’ve been playing through whatever is going on for a while now. And that asshole—” Cooper rubs a hand over his face. “He’s not just out of line. He’s dangerous.”
I don’t have the strength to argue with him or defend Mercer or myself or even pretend I’m okay anymore. Not really, but I’m not about to tell anyone else that.
“I’m fine, Cooper.”
“Stop saying you are fine because we both know you’re full of shit. You’ve been playing for months, feeling like shit, haven’t you?”
“You’d have done the same.” My chest tightens, but I make myself grin. “I’ve just got a better poker face than you.”
He huffs a laugh, then glances toward the door. “Heads up, Alise is here with Momma.”
“She is?”
“Yeah. Ramona said she was buried in wedding stuff because she accidentally booked appointments on a game day, but maybe she just missed you.” He shrugs, his eyes full of mischief.
That lands hard, but I keep my expression neutral. “I saw her earlier today, but I guess I’m just that charming.”
“We both know your charm has nothing to do with it.” Cooper pushes to his feet before clapping me on the shoulder.“Don’t stay back here hiding for too long or Momma is liable to come in here and get you.”
