Page 100 of Elanie & the Empath
While I buried my face in my hands, fighting the burn of hot tears, Freddie rushed to my side. Ushering me onto my own examination table, he rubbed my back, and once I could finally breathe again, asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”
Whether I did or not, the words came out anyway. Elanie’s voice, the pod, our cave, our love. I told him everything, our entire story. Which was only my story now.
“Oh, Sem,” he said once I was finished, his gray eyes misting over. “It’s all just so…tragic.”
Hanging my head, I gave it a weak nod.
The way only someone as polite as Freddie would, he asked the perfect follow-up question. “Would it help to know how she’s getting along? Or would that only make things worse?”
My head whipped up. Yes, it would help, because it wasall I wanted to know. Every day, every night, I wondered if she was okay. If she was happy. Because every time I saw her, she seemed so dim. Like some light I’d gotten used to seeing inside her was missing in a way I couldn’t describe. Certainly not enough to ask anyone about it. Not to mention that every time I even thought about asking, my chin wobbled.
“Is she okay?” I asked—andtherewas the chin wobble.
“She’s doing well,” he said, his vibe shifting from a heavyhearted tug to an encouraging lift. “It was hard for her at first, I think. Lots of staring off into space and getting upset when anyone asked her about it. But she’s back to her old self now. She’s the same Elanie, just with some time missing.”
Some time missing.What a tidy box to pack my entire beautiful life with her inside.
“That’s good.” I forced a swallow past the tightness in my throat. “I’m glad she’s who she used to be. I’m glad it’s all behind her now.”
“Ooch.” Freddie winced. “That came out wrong. I only meant to say that she’s still the same woman you met right here, in this office. Not so long ago.”
I knew what he was getting at. If I wanted to, I could meet her again. Get to know her again and see where things might lead. It made sense. A romantic notion, even. What he didn’t know, however, was that I’d already I tried.
I’d approached her a week after we got back. I’d even brought Grover with me, filled with a futile hope that he might jog the memories she no longer had. But the second the grint saw her, it was love-at-first-sight all over again, and he tried to leap onto her shoulder. She’d flinched away from him, from me, pale and terrified. Then she said she had to help Sunny fold towel cats for a group of Vorpols about toboard and practically ran away down the hall. I let Grover sleep in the bed with me that night as I cried until my chest felt like it would burst into flames.
“I think she’s scared of me,” I admitted. “She doesn’t remember me or what happened, and it scares her. It’s better for her if I keep my distance.”
“I see.” Freddie’s brows slid together. “If that’s what she wants, I understand.”
“Yeah,” I said miserably.
“Well, if I can’t help with Elanie, maybe I can at least provide a distraction. Want to get a drink after work?”
A valiant corner of my mouth tilted. “I’d love to.”
After finishingup with my last patient of the day—a Ulaperian with eye strain after dancing at the Voyager Club all night without their tinted goggles—I wiped a sanicloth over my exam table and did what I always did. I thought.
Aside from my after-hours apprenticeship with Maximus, who was as healthy as a kurot after a round of antibiotics and some tissue regenerators, I spent most of my evenings alone. Alone with my thoughts, my memories, my endless, self-inflicted torment.
Why hadn’t I paid more attention in Thura? Why hadn’t I realized how precious our time together was? Why had I ever fallen asleep before she did or let myself stay asleep after she woke? Why had I taken a single walk without her by my side? Why had I waited so long to kiss her?
If I’d known she was going to be taken from me the way she was, I would have made sure to savor every moment with her. Every word, every laugh, every touch. I wouldn’t have even blinked, ensuring I wouldn’t miss anything. Iwould have done better. I would have been better. I would have tried harder.
Or maybe I wouldn’t have. Because how hard was I trying now? She was here. She was right here on this ship, and I was doing everything I could to avoid her. I wasn’t trying. I was hiding. I’d given up?—
The sanicloth slipped from my hand and floated to the floor.
I’m not leaving, I’ll just be lost. But you can find me.
That’s what she’d said to me, her final words as the Elanie I knew.
Don’t lose hope. Don’t give up on us.
I’d lost hope before we’d even left Thura’s atmosphere. One awkward encounter—and a few growls from Rax when I tried to get close to her—and I’d given up on her, on us. I promised her I’d come find her, that I’d help her remember. I’d promised, and I’d barely even tried.
I spun toward my door with a fire in my belly. It wasn’t too late. It was never too late. I just had to stop being such a coward. I just had to be brave. I had to try. It was time to keep my promise. It was time for me to meet Elanie again, for the first time.
Swiping my handheld mirror off my counter, the same mirror she’d borrowed what felt like a lifetime ago, I ruffled my shaggy hair. Then I smoothed the front of my shirt, took a deep breath, and smashed the button to open the door.
