Page 54 of Sunastara & the Venusian
When my eyes cracked open,it was late, past midnight. My head pounded and my throat burned. I vowed never to go drinking with Rax and Morgath again. But despite it all, I smiled.
I commed him.
he commed back.
After a moment, he said,
I laughed.
Pulling my covers up to my grinning lips, I asked,
I rolled onto my belly, immediately regretting the motion as the dull throbbing behind my temples sharpened.
He’d hesitated, sounded nervous. And I realized it might have been the first personal question he’d ever asked me. Because he was being careful with me, cautious, respecting my barriers even though he didn’t know why they were there. Which had the effect of making the wallssurrounding me softer, thinner, becoming so transparent I could almost see what life might be like on the other side.
It felt heavy, saying their names, thinking of them. Because I loved them, but I’d hardly spoken to them since the accident. The accident whose anniversary loomed. The walls hardened, closing in again.
Until he said,
I rolled onto my back again, grinning up at the ceiling.
His laughter was a warm breath between my ears.
Reaching blindly for the cup of water he’d left by my bed, I took a tentative sip.
After a pause, he said,
After an even lengthier pause—one in which the soft brush of his words tried to prickle my skin and curl my toes—my smile fell, and I sighed.
He was Freddie right now, not Joshua. I was Sunny, not Phoebe. And Freddie and Sunny shouldn’t do this sort of thing. They shouldn’t have late-night VC conversations while lying in bed, no matter how good they felt. No matter how many more questions I wanted to ask him, how much of his life I wanted to know. Because he’d want to know more of my life too, and I’d end up pulling back or shutting down. Or worse, lying to him. Not wanting to do any of those things, I commed,
Maybe the most thoughtful being I had ever met.
