Page 173 of Grounded
"Gut reaction is no, but realistically, with time, I think my heart knows it's possible to forgive."
"We don't have to forget entirely. I'm trying to find some insight and meaning throughout this. Maybe I can be a little grateful this happened because it brought you into my life."
"I've been ignoring a lot of feelings I've had for you. I figured it would be a fun little fling and one of us would push the other over the edge and we'd end it. But I'm so glad you're here with me now."
He kisses the top of my head, and the clashing of emotions is a lot to take in.
"I'm emotionally exhausted," I admit. "Can we go get some food and hang out on the balcony and watch the sunset?"
"Amelia, are you asking me out on a date?" Theo squeezes me and pokes at my sides.
It's the playfulness I desperately need at this moment.
"Yes, yes!" I yelp and wiggle around. "It's a freaking date."
Weorderroomservice—aluxury I indulge in anytime I stay in a hotel—and eat on our balcony. The sun dips below the horizon, and we wait for a new day to begin.
It's a surreal moment, being in Theo's embrace without having to hide our feelings from each other, and I cherish this calming moment.
We are a flawed, blended family. And I know it's not typical, the way Theo and I feel about each other, but sounds like no relationship is perfect. It's impossible for a couple to never make a mistake, and I carry that in my heart when we go to bed.
ForthetwonightsAmelia and I stay at the hotel, we barely leave the room. We guard our time here and relish the stolen moments we're alone.
Neither of our parents check in on us with a simple text, as they are no doubt coming to terms with the news that their adult children are intimate with each other.
My mom always wanted me and Amelia to get along—maybe not to this degree, but it was difficult resisting the attraction. I'd like to think this was inevitable, but who knows what would have become of us if we continued to avoid the other.
As Amelia processes the news I've been withholding for years, I know the distraction will come to an end, and I'll have to confront my mom with what I've been suppressing.
Therapy won't solve all my problems, but it's shown me how to address the pain and how to forgive myself for wasting time being so hateful.
Being around Amelia and seeing how she lights me up, in all the best ways, and in ways that irritate me, it's a reminder that I can feel multiple emotions at once. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
But I do wonder what this revelation will mean for us.
We might be on the same page, but that doesn't mean our story continues. She might talk to Bruce and realize we wouldn't last anyway. And while Amelia was sleeping beside me in the hotel, I was up all night wondering what the hell is in store for us when we go home.
I tried to use some of the tactics my therapist gave me. Like organizing my thoughts and preparing myself in the ways I can. I haven't decided on taking medication yet to treat the sleep issues, but I'm open to it if this worsens.
We can't avoid home forever, and we decide we each need to have a conversation with our parent, one-on-one.
This has been a long time coming for me. Even if my mom is upset I caught feelings for my stepsister behind her back, I think she will be more supportive of us than Bruce will.
At least I'm hopeful for that.
"I'm going to be sick," Amelia declares once she parks her car in the driveway.
"Out which end?"
"Oh my God, can you please not talk about diarrhea with me right now."
She's fighting a smile, but I can see the panic in her eyes, the way her hands shake when she grabs her phone in the cup holder.
"It'll be okay, I promise." My hand is on her shoulder, and we each take a deep breath as we exit the car and enter the house.
Ifindmydadat the kitchen table, and the look on his face makes me want to run into his arms sobbing like I did when I was a toddler who fell off her bike.
"Hi, honey. I'm glad you're home."
