Page 172 of Grounded
"I'm sorry I said those mean things about your mom."
"It's okay, I've had more time to work on forgiving her."
"Have you?"
"It's a process. I knew I wouldn't be able to make any strides unless I was seeing her consistently."
"It all makes sense. Why you left. Why you hated my dad. Why you hated me."
"I didn't hate you. I didn't know how to process the betrayal I felt. I was a stupid kid who thought ignoring my issues would make them go away."
"You mean we can't do that now? Pretend we never knew our parents were unfaithful?"
"Believe me, I tried. It didn't help. Why do you think I'm seeing a therapist?"
"Does he take two for one?" I halfway joke, knowing I'll need someone to talk to as well to find a semblance of hope in all of this.
"I hope my mom didn't know before she got sick. It'll kill me."
"Will you ask your dad?"
"I don't think I will. I would rather not know. Gosh, I can't even choose her side in all this, be there for her, show her support. She's not around, and it's a strange awareness I'm grappling with."
"How so?"
"It's going to sound heartless."
"Say it. I'm sure I thought it at one point."
"Regardless if my dad was having an affair, she would have died either way. What happened after was out of my control, but that doesn't mean I can't feel betrayed."
"I've wrestled with that thought many times. My dad didn't have the same fate. Their affair is what put him in danger. He never would have stayed over there an extra day if he knew he was coming home to a faithful wife."
"Oh my gosh, Theo. I'm so sorry."
He rubs my arm with his thumb, and I sink deeper into him. I don't know what I would do if we weren't at the place we are in, me being able to confide in him, rely on him, be a friend.
"I hate my dad, but I still love him. He's my dad. And your mom—I mean, we were never super close, but I like her. How were they able to pretend the way they met wasn't a complete lie?"
"My mom adores you, if that means anything. You're the exact woman she wishes I'd end up with."
"Don't tell me this." I begin to cry again, an internal tug of rope pulling me into different sides of darkness and light.
How will I ever be able to forgive my dad? The timing is what's killing me. This happened so long ago, way before my mom was diagnosed, way before I even knew who the hell Theo was. Nothing changes, knowing this information. He reconnected with Molly at the support group I suggested he go to. He didn't know she was there.
But the deception is at the forefront of my thoughts.
It feels good knowing Theo and I are together through this, that I'm not handling the news alone. We're a team, us against the issue, and I'm thankful he's by my side. I just wish the issue wasn't with our parents.
"Do you hate me for telling you?"
"No," I answer. "I wish it didn't come from you, but I don't hate you. My dad should have sat me down and come clean."
"Wish you knew sooner?"
"I don't know. If you would have told me at seventeen, I have no idea how I would have reacted. Maybe it's better I found out now because we might have a chance at moving on. I don't think I could have in those days."
"You think you and I can move on from this?"
