Page 42 of Hush Money
It feels good to see him smile. His laugh does something to me.
And I know in this moment that I would do anything to keep that smile on my best friend’s face. The worst part is that he doesn’t even know how much joy he brings me. That, on some days, especially when I don’t get to see Nan, he is the only source of joy in my life. He’s the only person who I can count on. Who makes me feel seen.
And I want to be that for him.
I can’t get seven thousand jobs back. I can’t help him pay for thousands of holiday gifts. I can’t help him with any of that.
But I can remind him that he’s not alone in it. And maybe that’s worth something too.
He and I are so similar in that way. Both so alone, despite how different our backgrounds are and our journeys to each other were. And yet, when we are together, it doesn’t feel lonely. It feels like the missing piece. Like, when nothing else makes sense, he does.
Russ checks in with us every hour.
Cato has apparently been asking for Keat’s whereabouts.
Russ has given him our location and has ensured him that we are safe.
That seems to be enough to appease Cato. He is having himself a busy day.
Or, at least, one would think.
Unfortunately, though, according to the news that Nan very quickly turned off, Cato was spotted at one of his golf courses in Florida today. While seven thousand people here are being delivered life-altering news, he’s fucking golfing.
Seven thousand people now have to figure out how to make ends meet, how to cultivate the holiday spirit while trying to pay the rent, how to afford healthcare for their loved ones.
But Cato is golfing.
Meanwhile, his kids are still here in the city, bearing the brunt of the anger, bearing the shame of their father, feeling all the feelings that Cato should feel but doesn’t.
And I’m going to sit right here with him, feeling it too.
Finally, it’s after ten at night, and he sighs.
“I guess I need to go face the music,” he says, swiping a hand over his face. Nan stands to give him a hug.
“You can come here anytime, honey. This place is your place too, even if she doesn’t come with you. We don’t need her,” Nan says with a playful wink. He smiles back then looks down at me.
“Yeah, we do.”
EVIE
Ifinally get to the part of the story where Keaton came to the diner. I get to the part where seeing him for that one moment gave me the strength to ask for help. Where I finally realized that I deserved so much more. And that I didn’t have to live like that. When I look at her, sweet Sawyer is crying. She sniffs and wipes her eyes, and I reach out to grab her hand.
“Wow,” she says. “I can’t imagine being stuck like that,” she says. “And of being afraid in your own home.”
I swallow.
The fear I let myself live in is something I’ve felt deeply ashamed of for a very, very long time.
“I hope you’re proud of yourself, Evie,” Sawyer says. I look up at her. Her big brown eyes are full of hope and wonder. My eyebrows knit together. “You knew you deserved better, and you are finally giving it to yourself.”
I give her a nervous chuckle and shrug.
“I don’t know about that,” I say. “I saw a way out, which ended up being Keaton, and I took it. Not sure that counts as being brave.”
She scoots closer to me, putting her hand on mine. And I’m wondering how this woman, who is more than ten years my junior, is making me feel so safe right now. Her eyes bore into mine as she looks at me intently.
“It doesn’t matter what finally made you feel safe enough to leave. It just matters that you left. And in that, if you happen to realize what real love looks like, then even better. And if not, then maybe you at least get your new-found-ex-best friend back.”
