Page 65 of Roommate Wars
Sophia was leaning into Lizzie too, so they looked like a pitched tent, holding each other up.
Max had his back to the couch, one knee propped up. “We learned a lot from Lizzie,” he said thoughtfully. “All about feminine products and how to not say anything annoying when she was having her…” He waved his hand.
“Period?” I offered.
“That,” Max said.
I chuckled silently. “Lizzie, you performed a debt of service to womankind by educating these two.”
She nodded, still grinning. “It wasn’t easy.” Her mouth puckered as though she was straining for thought. “They taught me stuff too. Like how men are most dangerous when they’re silent.” She wagged her finger. “Beware of the silent ones.”
The more food Lizzie shoved in her mouth, the clearer her speech, which was good, because I was getting a college degree on Jack. “What happens when they’re silent?”
“They’re plotting.” Her face scrunched. “Or angry—it’s a toss-up. Gotta shove ’em around a little.” She pushed Max’s knee as an example. “Get them to snap out of it.”
“Does it work?” I asked.
“Don’t encourage her,” Jack said, but I wasn’t sure if he was saying it to me about Lizzie or to Lizzie about me.
“For the most part.” She sighed. “They need encouragement to talk. They have feelings. Buried deep in their testosterone-pickled man-brains, but they’re in there.”
I tilted my head. “Lizzie, why did you never date one of them?” Both Jack and Max were top tier in the San Francisco dating market, with looks and charm. Once you factored in wealth, women probably threw their panties at them from a block away.
Scratch that—womendidthrow themselves at Max and Jack. Take Thalia, for instance. She was the reason Jack set up our fake-dating arrangement to begin with, which had migrated to real dating—but only for another week or so…
I glanced at the man in question. I didn’t want to leave Jack, if I was being honest. But I couldn’t hold on to him forever. He was a commitment-phobe and so was I. Plus, I had a life to establish, and I couldn’t do that while mooching off a boyfriend. It defied my need to prove myself.
Lizzie’s face comically contorted in horror. “You might as well ask me why I don’t date my brother.”
“Do you have a brother?”
“No,” she said. “But that’s because our rich parents are a one-and-done sort of lot.”
Jack tossed corn chips in his mouth from the bowl he’d slid closer to himself when I wasn’t looking.
“Is that true?” I said and moved the bowl of lovelies back in front of me.
“I wasn’t in high society.” He frowned at where I’d repositioned the bowl. “Only these two were. But I guess from their perspective, it’s true. They grew up with butlers and nannies and drivers.” He snapped his fingers. “What’s the other one? The one I always teased you about?”
“The laundress?” Lizzie suggested.
“No, that one’s extravagant, but practical. The other one.”
“Christmas tree stylist,” Max said.
Jack pointed at him. “That’s it! I grew up decorating the Christmas tree like a normal American. Sometimes the lights were symmetrical, but most of the time they weren’t. And the ornaments were always scattered willy-nilly. The first time Max came over for Christmas to help me decorate the tree, he was so confused.” Jack started laughing, and Max was smiling too.
Lizzie reached for the glass of wine Jack had moved away from her, and Max shoved a bottled water in her hand instead. She shrugged and drank the water.
“Ugliest tree I’d ever seen,” Max said. “You had to pick through the broken ornaments just to get to the halfway decent ones that looked twenty years old.”
Jack belly-laughed. “Because theyweretwenty years old.”
I smiled as the three of them laughed at old stories. I already adored Lizzie. You had to love a woman who put these two pampered bachelors in their place. Though Max wasn’t much of a bachelor anymore, with my sister living with him.
“I can picture it perfectly,” Soph said, smiling. “Have you ever seen Max load the dishwasher? He is so anal retentive about arranging the plates and bowls in corresponding rows.” She wiggled closer to him and looked up adoringly. “Did you have someone do that for you when you were growing up?”
He dropped his arm around her shoulders. “What do you think?”
