She did.Back when the digs they were staying in had accommodation that consisted of one enormous bed, and a bunch of cribs that were barely long enough for her, let alone the guys to sleep comfortably on.There’d been many a night when they’d all crashed together on the big bed, snuggled up, legs entwined, no covers because their combined body heat was more than enough to keep them all cosy.It hadn’t been sexual.Just friendly.Although, looking back, she guessed Nash had always managed to wind up spooning her.
 
 She missed those times.Missed the closeness, and how they’d been like a family.It’d been like having four—five with Rune—big brothers who gave a shit about her, the total opposite of her relationship with her actual brothers.Nash putting a ring on her finger had kinda tempered all that.Stopped the late-night chats with Jez and Lee snuggled together under a blanket, and the early morning ones with Rune.Maybe things hadn’t changed so much with Balin.He still licked her if he wanted to, and licked Nash too if he dared to protest.But she hadn’t minded the changes too much.
 
 Except if things truly went tits for up them what would happen, would she lose all the guys as well as Nash… Lose her family?
 
 “You’ve gone awful pale,” Jez observed.
 
 The three of them peered at her closely.
 
 “Need some rescue remedy?”Lee asked.
 
 She shook her head.“I’m really sorry, guys.I know how jizzed up you all were about touring with Black Halo, and now I’ve gone and fucked it all up for you.”
 
 Balin punched her in the thigh.“Hey, less of the past tense.We’re still hitting the road with them.What’s a bit of fucking between friends, right?”
 
 Lee slapped him around the back of the head.“She didn’t fuck him.”
 
 “Hey!All right.She didn’t fuck him, but come on, we’re looking at this the wrong way.Shared experiences are how friends are made.It’s something we can all bond over.”
 
 Neither Lee or Jez seemed convinced, and while Balin’s optimism was endearing, Jodi couldn’t see things working out that way either.Black Halo certainly hadn’t shown signs of seeing the funny side while she’d been on their bus, and it was more likely that Nash would attempt to chew Rock Giant’s face off than laugh about it over a pint.
 
 She’d fucked up.
 
 Completely and thoroughly.
 
 Just like she always did.
 
 Best thing she could probably do right now was get the hell out of here and hope they managed to pick the pieces up.
 
 “I ought to feed my cats, guys.”
 
 Excuse meet reality.There was nothing to be gained by sitting here.It could be hours before Nash emerged.Days… He’d come out for their set later, wouldn’t he?But would he want to see her right before that?Probably not.
 
 “I’ll walk you back,” Lee offered.It didn’t take him long to do so.He stuck around while she fed the kitties and let them stretch their legs.Even went and filled up her water carrier.She wished he’d stop being so nice.It made her feel twice as bad about how she’d fucked things up for them all.Maybe it’d be okay, like Balin suggested, but it was just as likely that it’d all go tits up.
 
 “You should be on the bus, not sleeping over here on your own.It’s not very safe.”
 
 Now didn’t seem like the right moment to be making that move.Not when the chances were high that Nash would chuck her straight back off and demand his ring back too.She said as much to Lee.
 
 “He loves you, Jodi.That’s why he’s pissed off.He’s not going to end things with you.He won’t—”
 
 “Jez broke up with Rune, and what did he do?”
 
 Lee gave a sad sigh.“Nash isn’t Jez.It’s going to be fine, Jo.You know what he’s like.He always goes up like a rocket but give it an hour or so and he’ll be back to his usual self.”
 
 Maybe.She could only hope.If only everything else would miraculously be back to normal by then too.Maybe the rest of Black Halo would talk some sense into Rock Giant.Make him see that it’d be best all round if he just forgot about the whole knot tying, vows thing.
 
 She could dream, right?
 
 After Lee left, she found some fresh clothes and ate some peanut butter out of the jar, and a banana that was two days past its best.Stomach, at least quelled in terms of its rumblings for food, but not remotely relieved of the acute case of anxiety butterflies, she curled up on her camping mat and pulled her sleeping bag over herself for comfort.God, you’re such a screw up, woman.If it all implodes, it’s your own damn fault for being such an idiot.
 
 CHAPTER 14
 
 Jodi Castle
 
 Jodi awoke in a stifling hot tent with a raging thirst, and three cat arses in her face.She hadn’t intended to sleep, only to hide.Of course, now she was conscious, reality came crashing in and bludgeoned her with all her fuckups, recent and historical, so that despite being bathed in sweat and desperate for a drink, she lay stupefied, salt tracks drying on her cheeks.
 
 Sometime later, the sound of the tent zip being drawn alerted her to an arrival.Fresh air seeped in through the flap as the inner compartment door opened.All three cats made an immediate exit.Shit!Now she’d no choice but to rise.