Page 125 of Rock Giant
Paul irritably scratched his scalp.“I didn’t pop crap.Him being an innocent is a total myth.His sucking skills are almost on par with Xane’s, and blowjobs, regardless of what porn and the average romance would have us believe aren’t an innate talent you’re fucking born with.”
“Reckon having a big gob probably helps.”
“Well, there’s no denying Ronnie has that.”
They both shared a largely humourless laugh.
“Hey, we’re just about over the halfway mark, fancy a comfort break.”
“I’m not Ginny, you can say you need a piss.”
“Fine, piss break okay with you?And you know Gin would probably call it a piss break, too?”
“Yeah.”At least around Ash she probably would.Ginny was a bit of a ledge.“Sorry I’ve fucked your mini break.”
Ash hit the right indicator.“There’ll be other mini breaks.”See, that was where Ash’s future had a rosy glow his lacked.There were no couple-y mini-breaks awaiting him in his future, just an eternity of loneliness.
“Okay, let’s piss and see if we can find some scran before we head to the ferry.”
CHAPTER 35
Jodi Castle
Nash couldn’t look at her.Leastways not when she was looking at him, something Jodi found herself doing a lot during the journey north.They didn’t talk, and when they had to interact, a cold edge tainted his words that left her permanently on edge.It didn’t take long for the rest of the Ghost Boys to clock on to their disharmony.
“Something going on?”Lee asked her over hotdogs in Flåm.
Jodi shook her head, not wanting to share the details, even though she’d have loved Lee’s wisdom.
“You know you can talk to me.”
But she couldn’t.Not about this.Not about her screwing up so badly.All the details kept churning inside her head.Everything she ought to have said and done.The fact she ought to have stopped it.Should have left with Nash right after Paul propositioned them.She’d known that staying would create issues, but she’d buried those thoughts, buried them deep in favour of satisfying the itch there in her brain that made her want Rock Giant instead of only wanting Nash.
Even now, that need still hadn’t gone away.
All her indulgence had confirmed was that she was every bit the monstrous screwup she’d ever been.
You couldn’t hide from yourself forever.
Bonus: no doubt both men now hated her, and everyone else would hate her too once they found out.
She hated herself.
All that time she’d spent raging against the labels her father and younger brother had accredited her with, and now she’d gone and proved them right.“Worthless, lying cheating cunt.”The last words her father had ever said to her rang in her ears again.“If you leave, you’d better not show your fat arse around here again.”
She hadn’t.But that was all in the past, and there was trauma enough in her present that she didn’t need to open old wounds.
Did Nash even know the full extent of what she’d done?
Would his seething eventually lead him to break up with her?She could hardly blame him if he did.She’d done this to them.She’d proved she wasn’t decent wife material.But then, if he did, what would she do?
She couldn’t lose everything again, and if they split, she would—job, friends, family, security, all the support that kept her sane.It’d be back to the tent, and much as she loved her tent, now she’d grown used to it, she loved the bus more.There were definite benefits to solid walls.Plus, this was where all those who were important to her were.
If he dumped her, there’d be no more touring.No more Lee cuddles and Jez pep talks.No more Balin making her laugh until it hurt.No more family and feeling like maybe she’d found somewhere she belonged.It’d be back to relying on herself, and she was shit at that.Left to her own devices, she always screwed up—faster than she did in company—her and the cats had barely got by the first time, scavenging and living on hedgerow produce.
“You okay, babe?”Balin sidled over while she was tidying her undies drawer and rested his head on her shoulder.“There a reason you’re stowing tea in your knickers?Hey, are you the one responsible for the toothpaste in the fridge?”
She couldn’t handle his closeness, even as she craved it, hence couldn’t bear to shake him off.“Did I do that?I’m sorry.My head’s a mess at the minute.”
