Page 6 of Revive
“I just need a moment.” A little space to think without the awareness of multiple people staring at her, trying to calculate if she was going to make a scene. Part of her sure as hell wanted to. Past Alle would have. She’d have screamed and fought until she got exactly what she wanted, but what had all that fire won her?
Not the important things. Not Spook. Not a goddamned thing, really. She didn’t even have her family anymore.
This was supposed to be the part where everything got fixed, when all the sacrifices were made worth it. Goddammit, he’d told her he still wanted her.
Maybe that wasn’t what he’d meant at all. Certainly, when she cycled back through their messages it didn’t seem so clearcut, just a lot of stalling, her belligerently pressing, so that now she was here, and it seemed highly likely he wasn’t going to show. That he wasn’t going to wrap his arms around her and tell her that he loved her, or have magical, madly passionate make-up sex worthy of any romance novel.
She had to face the truth.
They had no future at all.
Alle plodded heavily up the stairs to the crooked little room with the sloped roof and honey gold beams Ronnie had shown her to earlier. Blindly, she stared at her suitcase sitting open on the bed, but as yet unpacked. Maybe she really did have to accept this as a wake-up call. Things were not going to play out according to her fantasies.
I’ve chased and chased, and all you’ve ever done is run.
Sure, there’d been some bright moments along the way, enough of them to convince her the tumultuousness had been worth it, that to keep battling on was worth it.
Was that how he saw it, though?
Maybe the truth was that she just couldn’t take a hint.
Alle flipped the lid of her suitcase and zipped it up. If Spook genuinely wanted her, he knew where to find her.
Maybe it was time she discovered whether he was prepared to fight for them.
And if he wasn’t… It’d break her heart, but she’d have to accept it and let him go.
Her suitcase had just hit the floor when Rock Giant appeared in the doorway. She wasn’t sure, but she thought this had been his room. Something about it just screamed Paul Reed. No doubt he’d be grateful to have it back.
“What are you doing?” he asked, ducking to avoid the low door frame.
“Accepting reality. We all know that the primary purpose in me being here isn’t to produce the next Black Halo album. I came here for him… for Spook. If he can’t face me, then what’s the point? And please, don’t make excuses for him. If he wanted us to be a thing, he’d be here.”
Paul raised his hands. “No excuses, but I am going to ask you to take a breath. Is this really what you want to do? After everything, you’re going to walk away? Because that doesn’t sound like you.”
“Maybe it’s time I started living in the real world. He never wanted a relationship with me, Paul. He humoured me, and look what it got him.” She extended the case handle and wheeled it towards the door.
Rock Giant stood his ground, blocking her route. “You ain’t going anywhere.”
“Don’t be a dick. This is hard enough.”
“Tide’s in. That causeway you crossed is under a couple of feet of water right now. That’s not me being a dick, that’s reality.” He lifted his shoulders in an apologetic shrug. “Babe, I’ll carry your case down to the car park if that’s what you want, but you’ll be stuck there for the next five hours at least. The way I see it, you may as well stick it out here.”
“Shit!” she rasped. He might as well have kicked her legs from under her. Her motivation died. Alle sagged onto the bed and put her head in her hands. She managed to keep her tears in check, but they sat there stinging her eyes.
Paul wheeled the suitcase out of the way, then rather than sitting, knelt before her. “Hey,” he said, curling a hand around her knee. When she raised her head, he gave her a lopsided grin. “Need a hug?”
She nodded, not that she was sure any number of bone-crushing embraces would help on this occasion. The moment her head hit Paul’s shoulder, a sob left her throat. “Why’s it all so fucked up? My brothers hate me. Two of them I’m never speaking to again, and Spook… I thought he loved me. I really did believe that.”
“He does love you, Alle.”
“Then where is he?”
“I wish I knew, babes. I wish I knew. But I don’t think you should give up just because he’s a no show at the minute. He’s not exactly in a good place. He looks like the walking dead most days. And he doesn’t talk much. I mean, he’s always been a quiet bugger, but”—he gave his head a shake— “unless it’s about music, barely a whisper now. Alle, I’ve been here three months, and I couldn’t even tell you where he sleeps, or hell, even if he sleeps.”
“Isn’t he in with Xane and Luthor?”
Paul shook his head. “Nope.”
