Page 53 of Revive
No, that wasn’t true.
She’d seen glimpses of him like this before, when he came off stage at the end of a show. High, practically, but not on drugs, on life. Right now, that high was down to her and what he was apparently feeling. He swung her around like a happy drunk, before pulling her fast against his body.
“I love you,” he said, and his words shot her right in the heart. “Fuck it, I’m in love with you, Allegra Hutton.” He screamed it, bringing tears to her eyes she couldn’t attribute to the wind. He faced her, and hand pressed to his heart added more soberly. “I love you. Please tell me you feel the same?”
“Spook, I’ve loved you forever and nothing’s going to change that. Nothing. And before you contradict me and say something negative about yourself, let me say it again. I love you. All of you. Even the bits you think are damaged and bad. I love who I get to be with you, and I love it when you allow yourself to be who you are with me, because that man is fucking awesome. He’s incredible.”
He peered at her, seeming almost embarrassed by the sentiment embedded in her words. She watched him fish around for something to alleviate the weight of the moment, some piece of negativity or evidence of his faults, but after a moment, it seemed he had nothing. Instead, he met her gaze, eyes alight.
“That’s good, because that arse is now mine, same as your pussy’s mine, and your armpits. All of you. I’m claiming them. That’s if you’re good with that?”
“If I’m good with that?” She grinned at him. His eyes were shining, and so glassy with love. “Spook, you can stake your claim on whichever bits of me you want.” She was his, in her entirety, anyway. “Pretty sure that’s what I’ve been encouraging you to do all this while.”
“Right.” Rather than revel in that fact, his high spirits took a crashing nose-dive. She watched the shadows seep in from the edges and devour his smile.
“It’s okay,” she reassured him, hugging him close. “You don’t have to promise every bit of yourself in return.”
“Part of me wants to,” he whispered into her hair.
“Then it’s good that there’s a part of you that’s sensible enough to know better. It’s good enough that you love me. I can accept that you’re not a one person, one love type of guy. Your heart’s bigger than that.”
“There won’t ever be anyone else,” he said. “I don’t need more than what I have.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
Spook lifted her off her feet. “I mean that, Alle. You’re stuck with me. And you need to know that what I feel for you and what I feel for him, they’re not the same.”
“I know, Spook.”
“You’re beautiful to me, Alle.” The moment he set her on her feet again, Alle clasped his hand and pulled their entwined fists up to the centre of her chest. “You’re beautiful, and relentless, and steadfast. You refuse to let me hide from myself, but you’re also willing to accept that man, whoever he is, even when I’m not even sure who he is. But most of all, you never make me feel ashamed of who I am and what I like. You put your trust in me, and that’s precious.”
Her ability to put her trust in him had never been their issue.
“Know why I love you?”
He shook his head.
“Well, there’s lots of reasons why I like you, like the fact you say I’m beautiful and you make me feel that, and you do it without ever putting me on a pedestal. And how you can be playful and such a sadistic tease, and how you hold me tight when things feel too much. How you’re so contradictory in your habits, and how it feels like the world comes alive when you smile. And how you fold your clothes, but leave everything else all over the place, and mainline coffee when no one is looking. But none of those things are why I love you. It’s not even for the mind-blowing sex and plethora of orgasms.”
“It’s not?”
She kissed his knuckles. “It’s not.”
“I hardly dare ask. Spankings? It’s the spankings, right?”
“It’s you, Spook. Just you. All of you, and all we’ve been through together, and the sense of rightness when I’m with you. I know it sounds trite, but every bit of you is perfect for every bit of me. I feel that, and I know it in here.” She squeezed their fists tighter against her breastbone. “I feel it, and that’s why I love you. That’s it.”
Her eyes were brimming now, his too. A lone tear tracked down the side of his nose. He reached up to brush it away, but Alle caught it with her thumb, and sucked it from the tip. “You’re a real maelstrom of emotions today, aren’t you?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Should we go eat now?” Focussing on food would give them some necessary breathing space to alleviate the overwhelm.
“Yes,” he agreed. “I should feed you.”
“Huh,” Alle scoffed, linking her arms with his and turning them in the direction of Liddell Island’s only restaurant. “I’m not the one wasting away. You’re practically as skinny as Ronnie, and he survives entirely on sugar and excess energy.”
“He doesn’t have my abs.” He rubbed a circle over them with the heel of his hand. “Guess I am feeling pretty hollow. What do you say to a full three-course extravaganza?”
