Page 52 of Reflex
“Spook?”
He shook his head.
“You’re hyperventilating, and I can see you shaking from here.”
God, he wasn’t, was he?It’d been years since he’d allowed himself to get this strung out.Of course, it’d also been years since he’d felt anything like the tug he felt towards her.
“I don’t want to cause you distress.I should probably leave, like I said I would.”
His hand shot out and grabbed hold of her wrist, like he had no damn control over it.“No.”
Curiously, the contact silenced all the insane chatter inside his head.
Alle peered at his fingers, folded around her wrist, and a rosy tint suffused her cheeks.
Spook carefully opened his hand and released her, whereupon, she closed her eyes.He thought she was counting; as if to compose herself.“You weren’t hurting me, Spook.Are you afraid because you think you might?”
“If we were together, I would.”
That was probably the most honest thing he’d ever said to her.
“Oh, Spook.”She touched the ends of his hair where they lay against his chest.“I know.I thought you understood that I want that too.”
“Alle, you like being spanked.You get a kick out of being restrained, I get that.Neither of those things are that unusual, but—”
“But,” she echoed.
“But, that’s not… It’s not where it would end.I don’t want to end up where it would end.That’s why it’s better if we don’t pursue this any further.”
“Break it all off.Stop being friends.What harm can you do me from the other end of a phone line?We’ve spent months chatting, three, four, five times a week.Sometimes five times a day.I’ve not been damaged by that, nor by anything else we’ve ever done together.I’m a big girl, Spook.I’m capable of drawing lines and standing up for myself.Also, since you brought it up, I’m capable of basic self-control and respecting boundaries.Just because I want to jump your bones doesn’t mean I have to leap on you at every opportunity.We can keep things platonic, if you’re really set on remaining celibate.”
He crooked his head to one side, listening, drawn in.If only he could believe in it.But no, he knew it was a fantasy.“It wouldn’t work.”
“You don’t trust me?”she said.
“Alle, I don’t trust myself.We could agree to such a thing in principle, but in practice, I think we both know that it wouldn’t last.Fuck, I’d be amazed if we lasted an hour.Neither of us would ever be able to relax.Every time we got close, you’d be thinking, ‘Maybe this will be the time he kisses me.’And I’d be all ‘I so fucking want to, but I know it’s a bad move.’You see that, don’t you?”
She began to nod, but it turned into a shake.“Not really.I just can’t understand why, if you want me and I want you, that can’t be the be all and end all of it.What the hell is wrong with giving into that?You’re saying it’d go further than you whacking your hand against my arse, but what are we talking about exactly?Are you going to produce a riding crop, some paddles?Pull my hair?Drip hot wax over me?Do you want to push your cock so far down my throat it makes my eyes water?”
Fuck!She really needed to shut up.
“Pinch me with clothes pegs?Fill me with a dildo while you’re simultaneously fucking my arse?Do you want to make me crawl?Any of that?Because if it is, what the fuck are you worrying about?Bring it on.”
“Alle,” he pleaded in warning.
“Bring it on,” she mouthed.
Spook dug his teeth hard into his already sore lip.It wasn’t necessarily the doing that worried him.
“Pick something.Do it, Spook.I’ll still be here at the end of it, and I’ll still want you.”
He saw his desire in all its terrifying beauty reflected in her inky pupils.He groaned; a deep, aching groan that sounded like it came directly from his balls.They needed to dial this back.Seriously.Why did she have to plant all those images?Fantasies they could spend a lifetime exploring.Except, he couldn’t, because after they’d had their fun, reality would seep in.
“And when I do all that, and more, and still bolt afterwards?”
“Then I’ll chase.”The words rolled off her tongue like they were the most obvious thing in the world.
It was the truth of their relationship so far.Anyone else would surely have given up after all this time with so little in return.Everyone else had given up.Allegra Hutton was not the first woman who’d pursued him.Typically, they got the message, if not after the first rejection, then definitely after the second.
