Page 24 of Crazy Love
I cough to clear my throat, and I say it. “There is one person.” I don’t mean to, but it somehow slips out, and then I’m disgusted with myself.
Hope bleeds back into her blue eyes. “That’s fantastic.”
My resolve almost wavers. Would she smile if I asked her? Jump on board and make everything right?
“I can’t ask them, though,” I say, deciding to be strong and stick to my principles.
Knox is my brother. Knox is my brother.
“Can’t or won’t?”
He’s still my brother.
“I’m not sure there’s any material difference.” I make the statement through clenched teeth. “Anyone I called in would insist on being part of the group going forward, and who could blame them considering the contract that’s hanging in the balance.”
“Which meansshnickttime—”She draws her finger across her throat. “—for Knox.”
“That about sums it up.”
She nods. “I can see the problem. However, if you don’t call in someone, it’s going to cost you and the other two guys your dreams. That hardly seems fair.”
I know it’s not fair, but must she point it out?
The truth…any sort of logic, is not what I need to hear right now.
“Shouldn’t you get your guys together and talk it over?”
“I didn’t see a whole lot of response when I reached out to them earlier. You’re here because they can’t be buggered to pick up their phones.” In any case, I don’t want to involve them. I know what Joel will say, and Dane too, most likely. They’ll cast Knox adrift in a heartbeat.
“What’s he done for you that’s so great?” she asks.
“Excuse me?” I blink, because my tired brain can’t keep up with the leaps she’s making.
“Your loyalty to him comes from somewhere.”
“Aren’t you loyal to your friends?” Why does there need to be some deep and meaningful answer? Can’t I simply believe in doing what is right? “We’re a team, we’re supposed to support one another and stick together.”
“Yes,” she drawls, stretching the word out in a way that forewarns me that the obliteration of my argument is nigh. She points at Knox. “Is he being a team player?” She waits until my gaze has flicked over to Knox and returned to her face. “Of course he’s not. He’s about to cost you the biggest break of your career. Possibly the only big break you’ll ever get. Why do you think it’s fine to let him do that?”
I don’t have an answer.
“Why Darke?”
“It’s Nate,” I tell her again. “And it is, because this is my fault.” I get to my feet and scratch my hand through the front of my hair. I want this to be the end of the discussion. I want us to stop talking about Knox and do something else instead.
“How is it your fault?”
“It just is,” I mutter beneath my breath.
“Did you supply him? Did you light up for him, or shove whatever muck he’s taken down his throat?”
“Of course not.”
“Then you’re not responsible. He is. Cut yourself some slack, Darke…Nate. Stop putting his interests ahead of everyone else’s and do what’s best for you all. In his case, I suggest getting him some genuine addiction help.”
When she breaks it down in that way, my loyalty seems crazy, and yet, I’m still determined to cling on to Knox. I can’t let him go. I know what it’ll mean and I don’t want that on my conscience. On the other hand, I don’t really want to screw up Dane and Joel’s lives.
“There’s no time to practice with another bass player,” I say, finding an excuse not to even pursue that avenue.
