Page 135 of The Seven Sisters
‘You are saying you want our child?’
‘I am saying that I wantyou, my Izabela. And if that,’ he said, pointing to the bump, ‘is part of you and me – however unexpected – then yes, of course I do.’
Bel’s eye’s blurred with tears. ‘I thought you might not. I was steeling myself for it.’
‘Admittedly, if it arrives and resembles a ferret, I may have second thoughts, but of course I believe you, Bel. I can think of no good reason why you would lie to me, given the life I can offer a child compared to your husband.’ Laurent dropped his gaze from her and sighed. ‘You must realise I have no idea how we will survive. Even I can see that bringing up a baby in my garret in Montparnasse is not suitable for it. Or for you.’
‘I have jewellery that I could sell,’ Bel offered for the second time that day. ‘And a little money to get us started.’
Laurent looked at her in wonder. ‘Mon Dieu!You have already thought about this.’
‘Every minute since I knew for certain,’ she admitted. ‘But . . .’
‘There is always a “but”.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘And what is yours?’
‘I saw my father before I came here to you. He wouldn’t stir from his bed, he is so depressed. He told me that he has lost everything in the American stock market. He is ruined and broken by this and my mother’s death.’
‘So now you are no longer just feeling guilty about your husband, but about leaving your father?’
‘Of course!’ Bel said, frustrated that he didn’t seem to understand the enormity of her decision. ‘If I go with you, Pai really will feel he has lost everything.’
‘And if you don’t, our baby will have lost its papa. And you and I, each other,’ countered Laurent. ‘Chérie, I can’t help you make your decision. All I can say is that I travelled halfway across the world to be with you, and have sat here in this apartment for the past nine months living only for the moments we are together. Of course I would understand if you decided to stay, but it seems to me that there is always a reason for you not to consider your own happiness.’
‘I loved my mother so very much, and I love my father still. Please remember it was not Gustavo who drew me back to Rio from Paris,’ Bel begged him, tears pricking at her eyes. ‘I did not wish to break my parents’ hearts.’
‘I think, Izabela, that you need some more time to think about this.’ Laurent tipped her chin towards him and kissed her lightly on her lips. ‘Once the decision is made, there is no going back. Either way.’
‘At the moment, I confess that I’m not sure which way to turn.’
‘Sadly, I doubt that there will ever be a better “moment” in the future to make a choice such as this. There never is. However,’ he sighed, ‘I suggest we meet again here in two days’ time. And then you will tell me of your decision and we will make a plan.’
Bel had climbed off the bed and was already dressing. Pinning on her hat, she nodded.
‘Whatever happens,querida, I will be here at two o’clock on Thursday.’
*
When she arrived home at the Casa, Bel telephoned Gabriela to ask after her father. Gabriela said that he had indeed risen from his bed and had left the house, telling her he was going to the office for the afternoon. Relieved, she decided that rather than going upstairs immediately, she’d ask Loen to bring her some mango juice out to the terrace and enjoy the softness of the evening sun.
‘Is that all you need, Senhora Bel?’ Loen asked her as she placed the glass and jug on the table beside her mistress.
Bel was tempted to confide about the dreadful quandary she was in. But she knew that even though Loen was the closest friend she had, she could not burden her maid with the truth.
‘Yes thank you, Loen. Could you draw my bath for me in ten minutes? I’ll be up later.’
Bel watched her disappear round the side of the house and into the kitchen. Now her mother was gone, she knew this was a decision she had to take on her own. Bel sipped her mango juice and tried to rationalise the facts. Even though Gustavo’s behaviour in the past twenty-four hours had been a marked improvement on the previous few months, from his past history, Bel had to believe it was temporary. Whatever he’d promised, she doubted her husband had the spine to stand up to Luiza.
And more to the point, she felt nothing for him, and not even a trace of guilt any longer. If shedidleave him, it seemed his mother already had a fail-safe option in place. The marriage could be annulled and Gustavo would be free to find a more suitable wife than herself. And Bel was sure that this time his mother would choose the bride for him.
Her father was a different matter. She agonised that her mother would never forgive her for deserting Antonio in his hour of need. She also remembered her mother’s words to her just before she’d died – how following her heart to Laurent could only end in disaster.
And now, of course, there was a new presence in her life that she must consider. She must think what would be better for the little one growing inside her. If she stayed with Gustavo, she could give the baby security and a family name which would carry her child comfortably through its life. And of course, Bel thought, she could imagine the look on Pai’s face if she told him he was expecting his first grandchild. That alone would surely give him a reason to live.
But would she want any baby of hers brought up under the emotionless, austere roof of the Aires Cabrals? The child would be saddled with a mother who would spend the rest of her life regretting her decision to stay, secretly dreaming of another world she had rejected. And a father who was only that in name . . .
Bel sighed in desperation. Whichever way she turned, she could not come to a resolution.
‘Hello, Izabela.’ Gustavo appeared on the terrace from around the corner of the house. ‘What are you doing out here?’
