Page 147 of The Moon Sister
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‘So, what did he say, Mamá?’ whispered Lucía as they sat on the floor of the suite together finishing up the food that Lucía had ordered earlier.
‘He said sorry.’ María shrugged as she broke off a piece of bread.
‘And your reply?’
‘I accepted it. What else could I do? Pepe has had enough dreams destroyed – for his sake, I will not destroy another. That is what I told José. And as you know,’ María lowered her voice even further, ‘I am not innocent of deceit either.’
‘No, Mamá, that is wrong. Your husband abandoned you and your children for fourteen years! Ramón was there to help you.’
‘Sí, Lucía, but I am – and was – a married woman. Perhaps I should have resisted . . .’
‘No, he is what kept you alive when Papá and I left. You must not feel guilt.’
‘Ramón treated Pepe like a son. He loved him so much – brought him up as if he was his own . . .’ María ventured.
‘As you did for his girls after they lost their mother, remember?’ Lucía gave the floor an exasperated thump. ‘Why is it that the bad people never feel guilt or take responsibility for the hurt they have caused? When all the good people who have done nothing wrong continue to punish themselves?’
‘Your father isn’t a bad man, Lucía, he is just weak.’
‘Still you make excuses for his behaviour!’
‘No, I just understand who he is. I was not enough for him and that is that.’
Lucía realised it was pointless continuing the conversation. ‘So, you are friends?’
‘Oh yes.’ María nodded. ‘Your father asked me whether we could forget the past and start again.’
‘And what did you say?’
‘I said that we could forget the past, but that I did not have the energy to “start again”. There are some things that cannot be reversed, ever.’
‘Like what?’
María bit into a small piece of bread and chewed it thoughtfully. ‘I will not share his bed again. His understanding of “sharing” is different to mine and, being who he is, I know it won’t last, even if he believes it will. I cannot go through that pain again. Do you understand?’
‘Yes, Mamá.’
‘Try to imagine if it was Meñique who told you he loved you, that you were the only one for him, and then you discovered that he had said the same thing to many others when it suited him.’ María made an effort to swallow, her stomach so contracted that any piece of food was an effort to digest.
‘I would cut off hiscojoneswhile he slept in the night,’ stated Lucía.
‘I’m sure you would,querida, but you are not me and I endured that humiliation again and again.’
‘Maybe Papá has changed. Men do as they get older. And I swear I have not seen a woman near him since I came to visit you in Sacromonte.’
‘Well . . .’ María grimaced as the bread went down. ‘That is something, I suppose. Don’t worry, Lucía, we have agreed that – for Pepe’s sake, if for nobody else – we will be reunited. He above everyone must believe in our love.’
‘Do you still love him, Mamá?’
‘He is the love of my life, and always will be, but that does not mean to say that I can be taken for a fool again. I have grown older and learnt what my heart can tolerate and what it can’t. So, I will sleep with Juana.’
‘No, Mamá! You will have a room to yourself. I will go down to reception now and arrange it.’
‘Gracias, Lucía.’ María put her hand upon her daughter’s. ‘I know that it’s only natural to want a true reunion between us, but it can’t be that way.’
‘I understand, Mamá, of course I do. Maybe in the future,sí?’
