Page 96 of The Pearl Sister
The words were meaningless. Kitty lay down fully clothed on the bed she had shared with both of them, closed her eyes and slept.
* * *
‘Charlie, darling, I need to talk to you about something.’
‘What is it, Mama? When is Papa coming home?’
‘Well, Charlie, the thing is, Papa isn’t coming home. At least, not to us anyway.’
‘Then where is he going?’
‘Your papa, Uncle Drum and Grandfather Mercer have been called up to heaven to be with the angels.’ Kitty felt the first pricking of tears behind her eyes. Having been unable to shed a tear since she’d heard the news, she knew she absolutely mustn’t and couldn’t cry now in front of her son. ‘They’re special, you see, and God wanted them up there with Him.’
‘You mean, to be with their ancestors? With the rest of dem spirits? Mama’ – Charlie wagged a finger at her – ‘Cat says that when someone goes up to the skies, we mustn’t speak their name.’ He put his finger to his lips. ‘Shh.’
‘Charlie, it is perfectly all right for us to speak their names. And remember them.’
‘Cat says it’s not—’
‘I don’t care what Cat says!’ All of Kitty’s suppressed tension bubbled over at his words. ‘I am your mother, Charlie, and you will listen to me!’
‘Sorry, Mama.’ Charlie’s bottom lip trembled. ‘So they are gone up to heaven? And we will never see them again?’
‘I’m afraid not, darling. But we will always remember them,’ Kitty replied more gently, feeling dreadful for shouting at him at such a moment. ‘And they will watch over us from the skies.’
‘Can I go and visit them, sometimes?’
‘No, darling, not yet, although one day, you will see them again.’
‘Maybe they’ll come down here. Cat says her ancestors do that sometimes in her dreams.’
‘Perhaps, but you and she are different, Charlie, and . . .’ Kitty shook her head. ‘Oh, it doesn’t matter now. I am so very sorry, darling.’ She took Charlie in her arms and hugged him to her.
‘I will miss them, specially Uncle Drum. He played such good games.’ Charlie pulled away from her and laid a hand on his mother’s arm. ‘Remember, they are watching over us. Cat says—’ Charlie stopped himself and said no more.
‘Perhaps we will go and stay in Adelaide with Grandmother Edith?’ Kitty tried desperately to recover her equilibrium. It seemed that her four-year-old child was comfortingher.
‘No.’ Charlie wrinkled his nose. ‘I like it here with Cat and Camira. They’re our family.’
‘Yes, my brave boy.’ She gave him a weak smile. ‘They are.’
* * *
Drummond is gone!
Kitty sat bolt upright, relieved to emerge from a terrible nightmare. Then, as her senses returned to her, she realised it wasn’t a nightmare. Or, at least, itwas,but not one that would dissipate as she was pulled back into consciousness, because Drummond would never be conscious again.
Or Andrew. Spare a thought for your husband. He is dead too . . .
Or maybe, she thought, it washerthat was dead; perhaps she had been sent to hell to suffer for what she had done.
‘Please, Lord, don’t let this be. It can’tbe. . .’ She buried her face in the pillow to drown tearless sobs that felt like great gulps of unendurable pain.
And Andrew – what had he ever done to deserve her deception? He had loved her in the only way he knew how. Excitement? No, but did that matter? Didanythingmatter any more?
‘Nothing matters, nothing matters. I . . .’ Kitty stuffed a handful of sheet into her mouth, realising she was about to scream. ‘I am a whore, a jezebel! No better than my father! I cannot live with this, I cannot live with myself! Oh God!’
She stood up then, pacing the floor and shaking her head from side to side. ‘I cannot live. I cannot live!’
