Page 80 of The Bright Side of Christmas
“Or it would have when they realized you weren’t going to swoop in and save the day.” Venom is in the words, and she must notice it finally. She drops the ribbons in her hands and turns to me fully now, confusion and a hint of irritation marring her pretty face.
“Why are you making such a big deal out of this? I know I promised to stop offering to help, but we’re in a bind, and this has to get done for tomorrow. It’s going to be so busy, I won’t be able to find the time in the morning.”
I stare at her, remembering all the times in my life when I was never put first. Every time, I was made to feel like a nuisance as a child or like I didn’t matter as an adult.
The only person who has never made me feel that way was Wren. The first person in town who made an effort to try to get to know me. The one who persistently poked at my shell until it fell apart. The first person to ever take care of me when I was sick.
I try to remind myself of those things as I say my following words with as much neutrality as I can muster.
“We had plans,” I say, feeling stupid and childish when I say it aloud. She stares at me, blinking twice, then her face becomes a mask of apology.
She forgot.
“Oh, shoot, Adam, I’m sorry! I should have called and told you. We can do it tomorrow!” She hesitates, then gives me a slight grimace, as if she knows that won’t work, not with the festival being tomorrow. “Or the next day?” Another grimace. “Crud, that’s Christmas Eve.” She hesitates, then takes in a deep breath before giving me a big smile that seems forced. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” She turns back to the table and starts packing, her mind moving a mile a minute. It’s obvious she has her long to-do list in her mind, the burden of it weighing on her.
It’s precisely why I planned tonight, not just for my surprise, but because I wanted her to have one night of relaxation, a night to get a good night’s sleep before the chaos of the holiday truly hit.
“Sure, you will. Unless there’s some other crisis that you need to step in for,” I say under my breath without even thinking.
She stops what she’s doing, noticing something on my face, and then throws up her hands.
“What’s wrong, Adam? I’m sorry, really I am, but I have to help. It’s what I do, who I am.” She takes in a deep breath, andan apology crosses her face. “I am the one people can count on to pick up the slack. I’m the one who says yes. You knew that when you got into this with me.” She waves her hands between us, indicating our relationship, I suppose. “I’m working on it, really, I am, but right now, these things need to get done.”
I run a hand through my hair and shake my head. “I just don’t get why it has to be you. You’ve been there since six a.m. You’ve done everything for this. There are a dozen people who could step in; you just have to ask them.”
She shakes her head, as if I just don’t get it, but I’m beginning to realize it’s Wren who doesn’t get it.
“Everyone else has things to do. They have families and people waiting for them.”
I stare at her, waiting for her words to sink in, and a small, bitter smile spreads on my lips. “I guess that’s the problem, isn’t it? You drop everything for everyone but won’t do it for a date with me.”
She looks at me a bit closely, then her face shifts like she’s realizing something, like she is surprised by something she sees written on my face. “Are you mad at me?”
I sigh, running a hand through my hair. “I…I don’t know. I don’t want to be,” I tell her truthfully.
She hesitates, and her eyes go pained when they meet mine. “But you are? Mad at me?”
I take in a deep breath, trying to center myself and organize my thoughts, separating them from the hurt feelings and disappointment. “I’m frustrated. I’m disappointed. I’m not convinced you can put yourself first, which makes me worried about what a future between us would look like. I’m frustrated because it feels like the only people who care about you are me and Hallie. I’m aggravated that you think you have to do everything for everyone. I’m annoyed that I asked you to give me tonight, and as soon as someone else needed something, youforgot about it. It makes me feel like I come in last in your world, when I’m starting to realize you come first in mine.”
Pain moves over her face, and she steps closer, putting a hand to my chest. “You don’t come last, Adam. I’m sorry I forgot, really. It’s just such a crazy time, but it’s just because it’s Christmas. Of course, I would rather spend the night in with you than go back downtown. Of course, I’d rather eat junk and watch movies and cuddle instead of taking on another task that someone else was supposed to do.” Her voice wavers, and she takes in a deep, shaky breath. “I’m exhausted, and I want to go to bed, and I want you to hold me, but you’re angry at me now. And I get it, I do, I’m the worst, but I don’t know?—”
Tears well in her eyes, and I sigh, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her into my chest. Tears begin to soak my shirt, and I rub her back.
“Wren, baby, it’s fine. It’s fine. I’ll…” I sigh, pushing back at the disappointment. “I just worry about you. I want you to do things for yourself, not for everyone else. I just don’t understand why you can’t do something for yourself. I don’t get why you have to work yourself to the bone, why you always have to be the one to step in and save the day.”
“I have to, Adam,” she says into my shirt.
I move back, hands cupping her cheek to force her eyes to meet mine before I ask my next question.
“Why?”
“Because…I have to. Because it’s who I am.” Her eyes go a bit frantic, and panic and uncertainty are written on her face before they spill from her lips. “I have to help. I have to because if this festival isn’t amazing, what kind of legacy am I holding for her? The holidays and helping out were her thing, and it’s my job to take over it now.”
And there it is.
As a tear rolls down her cheek, I get the whole picture.
It’s not about upholding some long-standing tradition, not about making the entire town happy.
