Page 31 of The Bright Side of Christmas
“Well, she didn’t do it on her own, for one.” I purse my lips, wanting to argue but knowing it’s no good. “And I doubt she jumped right into it all her first year. You were handed the torch, yes, but many people would love to help.”
“Yes, everyone is so eager to help with everything that they keep giving me more and more to do,” I murmur without thinking. Instantly, I regret saying the words aloud, and guilt floods me.
“That’s because you always say yes. Why do something yourself? Look for someone who has time and energy, and you know that Wren King will say yes, even if it means she has to stay up all night Googling or baking or sewing to do it.”
“I can’t just say no if someone needs help, Hallie,” I say softly.
“Oh, I promise you can. I do it all the time. In fact, Madden asked if I could stay late tonight. I looked him in the eye and said, ‘No, I’m busy.’ And you know what? The world didn’t implode. I didn’t lose my job.”
“But what if he really needed you, and you were his only option?”
Her eyes go soft in a way they rarely do, and she reaches across the table to grab my hand, squeezing it once.
“That’s not my problem, Wren. That’s his. And if he’s in that kind of situation, he could express it, and I would be able to decide if I could intervene on his behalf or find some other solution that doesn’t require my personal time and energy. But no one expects that of me right off the bat. I’ve set boundaries and expectations, and no one pushes them because I keep them firm.” Her eyes lock on me, knowingly. “And everybody knows that.”
I stare at her for a moment before a question I’ve been harboring for days spills from my lips. “Do you think people take advantage of me?”
Guilt curls in my stomach, even bothering to say the silly question out loud. But my gut churns even more when I turn back to look at my best friend since preschool. The look on her face tells me everything I need to know. After a long moment where she is clearly trying to choose her words perfectly, she tips her head to the side and gives me a heavy sigh.
“Do I think people take advantage of you? Probably not. That’s probably too strong a word. But I think people see a woman who is so kind, caring, and giving, and they realize they can ask her to shoulder more of their stress than they should. And I think that, while you are the kindest, most caring, and most giving person I’ve ever met, it’s to a fault. I think you’re so hell-bent on being the person people can rely on, can turn to when they need help, that you never bother to question people or their motivations.”
My stomach sinks the way it has since the day Adam hung up the lights, when he told me Jed Campbell took up my offer not because it was his only choice, but because of laziness. I wanted to believe he was lying to get under my skin, but when I stood back and looked at the whole picture, I knew it was the truth.
“I also think you’ve put so much of the pressure of this holiday festival and traditions on your shoulders that you’re casting your own wants and, more importantly,needs aside in order to make everyone else happy.”
“I don’t want to disappoint anyone!” The pressure that’s been gripping my chest for the past six weeks tightens, and I say that part far too loud to be comfortable. I glance around, trying to ensure no one has overheard and is staring. Thankfully, everyone around us is lost in their own conversations. Taking in a deep breath, I force myself to seem normal, if only to ease Hallie’s nerves. I’m sure a professional would have a lot to say about my trying to ease my own anxiety only to ease Hallie’s, but we’re not touching that one. Not today. “I just…I want it all to beperfect. The festival. The lights, the magic. All of it. And I want everyone to be able to enjoy it. Just like my grandma did.”
“No matter how much or how little you do, it will be amazing, Wren. But if you’re dead on your feet, you won’t be able to experience that magic yourself. And you know that, at the end of the day, she did all of this so that you and the rest of your family could feel that magic. The rest of the town just benefited from it.”
“Hallie, I have to—” I start trying to justify, to explain, but she stops me.
“I know,” she says, softness and genuine understanding in her eyes. “Trust me, babe, I know. But she’d be mad as hell that you’re looking this worn out. She’s telling you to get into your bed, to go home, to saynooccasionally.”
I scrunch up my nose in irritation, mainly because the words strike true.
“Where is this coming from?”
I shrug but don’t tell her the whole truth. Instead, I give her a crumb of it.
“I’ve just been thinking, you know?” I definitelydon’ttell her that the thinking has been spurred by my neighbors’ cutting words and potentially painful honesty. “I like helping, but I just sometimes wonder if I’m helping people who just don’twantto do something rather thancan’tdo it, you know.”
She nods. “I know. And I love that you’re so kind and empathetic, but I won’t lie. I’ve been worried about you. You’re always running on empty these days, and you have lost the spark of cheer you normally have this time of year. I hope this is a moment of epiphany for you, and that by asking, you’re taking the first step toward prioritizing yourself more. Get some rest. Go to bed before midnight.” She gives me a gentle look, then reaches over and grabs my hand. “Seriously, Wren. I’m worried about you.”
Guilt churns in my gut as I realize that I may have been inadvertently adding more stress to her plate in the form of concern for me, but it also almost feels like the kind of permission I need to do what feels selfish and prioritize myself in a silly way. I open my mouth to tell her that I’ll try my best not to take on more and to prioritize myself a bit more, but I’m stopped when I hear my most dreaded words as of late from a conversation somewhere beside me.
“You should ask Wren! I’m sure she would do it!”
I don’t even know who says it since they’re out of sight, but my shoulders tense up all the same. Hallie must not hear it, but she catches my shift in mood, and her brows furrow.
“Remember last summer, my mom’s dog had puppies, and she let me keep them at her place for a bit so my kids wouldn’t get attached? She even found homes for all of them.”
That’s when I pinpoint the voice to belong to Molly Paulson, one of the PTO moms.
I, of course, remember the incident she’s speaking of because I had planned to spend a few days at Seaside Point during summer break to get away, but the dogs required constant attention, so when I agreed to help out, that went out the window. Molly’s mother is older, and we all decided—and by we, I mean Molly and her mother—that it would be best if I kept the mom and all four puppies at my place before we shipped them off to their new homes.
It was a fun summer filled with unlimited puppy snuggles, and I was happy to help out as well as find new homes for the puppies, but it ruined any chance I may have had to spend some lazy days on the beach over my summer break.
“Oh, you’re so right! She always helps. She’s right there, I should go ask now.”
