Page 218 of Lilah
I'm not the best at apologizing. I've only apologized a few other times in my life. And mostly they've all been to her. But for nothing this big.
We broke up.Shebroke up with me. Ineedher back.
I spot her near the back, a cart of books by her side. My heart does that weird shit seeing her. Her hair is braided down her back and she wears a dress that makes her fucking glow.
She's always glowing. Even the first time I saw her she was glowing. Even now.
Was that why I tripped her when I first saw her? Knowing I'd be there to catch her, there's no hiding the fact that I did it on purpose. What was I looking for when I did that?
Thank God I did it though. But then I've messed it up.
That alone shows how much she doesn't need me. But I'm selfish and I need her.
My hands itch to wrap around her small waist and my fingers tense in a desperate need to always touch her.
She turns to grab more books off the cart and her eyes fall on my figure. Her eyes don't go wide and a smile doesn't reach her perfect lips like usual. She has no reaction except for the little jump which signals that I startled her.
She turns back around like she never saw me.
"Lilah," I mumble to her, pressing my hand against the small of her back. She moves out of my reach and it sends a bang through my chest.
But I deserve to feel like shit because I made her feel like shit.
"What are you doing here, Grey?" she asks. No lightness to her voice there usually is when she talks to me.
"I'm sorry," I try to meet her eyes but she doesn't look at me, even turning her body away, "I'm so sorry."
"Okay," she says, picking up a handful of books.
Okay? What does that mean? Okay, we're still together? Okay, I don't give a fuck? Okay, shut up? Okay, go fuck yourself? It's probably a mix of all of them.
"Look at me," I nearly plead. She closes her eyes and takes a calming breath. She turns and looks up at me with those eyes.
"I don't even want to hear it," her voice breaks a small bit a the end and she raises her hand to me.
"I'll never do that ever again," I promise. I can't go through this shit again. I got no sleep, even Bear's got a fucking attitude with me.
I place my hand on the side of her hip, taking a step closer to her. She grasps my head and pulls it off.
"You won't," she agrees and my eyebrows furrow in the least bit.
"It's not even been a day Grey, I'm not forgiving you or taking you back," she shakes her head and I feel like I've been stabbed.
What?
"L-Like," I stutter like a fucking idiot, "ever?"
My chest constricts in fear. Full-fledged fucking fear.
"Fuck, I'm sorry Azalea. Please don't say you're not taking me back. I'm never doing that again, I promise, I'm sorry," I shake my head. I'll get on my knees and I'll fucking beg for her to take me back.Beg.
I once had said that I'd never beg for anything. Not even my life if it came to it. But that shit's out the fucking window when it comes to her. I'd beg all day for her.
"I should never have even thought about talking to you the way I did, I'm sorry," I tell her.
"Not even twenty-four hours Grey. It can't be enough time for you to do what I said," she steps away.
"What do you mean, do what you said?" I 've been thinking too much about what I could have done differently and not about everything that she said.
