Page 47 of Lilah
"It was a mistake," his words dig into me and if feels as if the world around us is silent. The buzzing of the street lights stop and the crickets halt their sound-making.
He's talking about the kiss and everything before it, I can feel it in my heart.
"I-Oh," is all I can muster. This time, it's me who looks away and him who looks at me.
Why does that hurt really bad?
"It shouldn't've happened," he continues in a final tone just adding to the wound.
I swallow the golf ball sized lump in my throat as the back of my eyes sting.
Why was I so stupid to let it happen? It's all my fault.
I deserve to feel this way.
Maybe it's the world getting back at me for killing my brother.
The emotions I tryso, so hardto keep at bay are released in the form of a single tear.
I was hoping Grey wouldn't catch sight of it. He sees everything.
"Azalea," He starts, his fist clenching by his side, and it makes me want to cry more. His tone is emotionless and he didn't even call me Lilah.
"It's okay," I wipe the tear with my shirt sleeve, giving him a smile I mustered up with my last strength.
"I-um," I clear my throat to keep my voice from soundingsoweak. I know I'm already weak enough to him.
"I'm gonna head home," I bite the inside of my cheek trying to keep my nose from wobbling like it always does when I cry.
I struggle to get into my car which only makes me ten times as frustrated and when I look up to see if he watched me look stupid, I find that he's already gone.
It's there where I release the waterfall of emotions I was holding back.
The Niagara Falls of emotions, lemme tell you.
~~~
"You're a fuckin' waste," my father slurs down at me.
"I pray that it should've been you; not Jake," he continues and I try my best to crawl away from him, unable to stand up on my own from where he threw me down.
"Look at you," He sneers, bending down to me, eyeing my knee brace.
"Can't even fucking walk right. You're disgusting. You're a murderer," I feel my back hit a wall and I'm in a corner. For what seems like the nine-hundredth time today, I cry my eyes out.
I'm weak.
I'm pathetic.
I'm disgusting.
I'm a mistake.
I'm a murderer.
"You're a fucking whore,"my father grips my chin painfully, tilting my head up.
"Look at your hickey you piece of shit," he presses a finger against the spot Grey had his mouth on, what seemed like hours ago.
