Page 68 of Inevitable
“You’ve done all the hard work,” I grumbled. “I don’t want to enter her life and mess all of that up at this point. I know nothing about kids.”
I’d had my moments when I’d wondered if Wren would be better off without an inept father.
I wasn’t about to forget that she existed and just walk away. I wanted to be part of my daughter’s life. I just wasn’t sure how to be a father.
Emma sighed as she stroked a hand over my bare chest. “I know this has to be hard for you. It’s something you didn’t expect. Wren has been part of my life for almost fourteen years.”
“Having a kid was never even on my radar,” I admitted.
What in the hell did I know about young girls and what they needed from a parent?
I spent most of my waking moments talking to and interacting with men who had been in the special forces at one time.
“She’s getting to the age where all she needs is guidance,” Emma explained. “I’m kind of relieved that you’ll be around for her high school years. I’ve tried my best to understand my intellectually gifted daughter, but I didn’t experience that myself. You did. I think there’s some things that you can guide her on that I can’t.”
“Don’t sell yourself short, Em,” I said in a graveled voice. “Wren grew up with a parent who loved and accepted her. That’s the important part. I grew up as a confused foster kid who never felt normal. I didn’t really find my family until I got into the Naval Academy. Having my life more structured and being around other intelligent young adults helped me a lot.”
“What happened to your parents?” she asked softly.
Hell, that part of my life had happened so long ago that I didn’t really think about it anymore. “They died when I was six, so I barely remember either one of them now. They were heavily involved in volunteer work. They slowed down on traveling around the world helping the less fortunate when I was born, but they decided to take one last international trip. I stayed with one of their friends. The two of them were kidnapped, tortured, and killed. Neither of them had close family who wanted to take me on, so I ended up in foster care.”
“That must have been so traumatic for you,” she said in a troubled voice. “Is that why you do what you do now?”
“Maybe,” I said offhandedly. “I’ve never really thought about it, but I guess I never wanted to see another kid lose their parents because no one was there to get them out before it was too late.”
“You were only six,” she said softly. “I’m surprised you weren’t adopted.”
“I’m not,” I said drily. “I was a weird kid, even at the age of six. I didn’t socialize well with kids my age. I preferred to read and learn rather than play with other kids my age. I didn’t fit in. That’s why I told you not to sell yourself short. Having a parent who makes you feel normal is everything to a child. You’ve been an incredible mom to Wren.”
“I think she still feels different sometimes,” Emma answered. “But she’s starting to accept that being unique is okay.”
“She’ll accept it more as she gets older,” I told her. “It’s hard not fitting in with other kids when you’re young.”
“She’s incredibly gifted with computers and technology,” Emma said. “I wish I knew more, but her skills are getting way above my head. I know enough to do my job and normal things, but I’m not a whiz with software and the intricate details of programming.”
“Okay,” I said grudgingly. “Maybe I can be somewhat useful in that area.”
“You can be useful in a lot of ways,” Emma scolded. “Just love her, Colin. She’s never said anything to me, but I think she’s always wanted to know her father. It just wasn’t possible before for her.”
“What if she resents the fact that I haven’t been around for her?” I asked cautiously. “I have a lot of regrets about missing her childhood.”
“Don’t,” Emma said firmly. “We can’t change the past, Colin. Wren knows that it wasn’t your fault that you didn’t know about her. You’re here for her now. I know my daughter. She’s not going to be resentful. I think she’s going to be happy.”
Hell, I hoped that was true.
I knew she was right.
Regrets weren’t going to get me anywhere, and they weren’t going to help me be a good parent to my daughter now.
I was going to have to accept the fact that I hadn’t been there for Emma or my daughter during Wren’s childhood and move on.
“Life is going to be different for you and Wren from now on,” I warned her. “Iwillbe paying for expenses and whatever college education she wants.”
“I have a college fund for her,” Emma argued. “I’m saving a lot more now that my income is higher.”
“I want the account number,” I insisted. “I’ll make damn sure you never have to contribute another penny.”
“Just like that?” she teased.
