Page 43 of The Villain
The horror.
“Fuck,” he mutters, looking away from me and the moment he does it’s like a cold breeze blows, ice crystals forming around us, coating my skin. I see my clothes onthe floor, and it feels wrong. Dirty. Me naked here in this once-holy place. I think he feels it too because he snatches up the throw to cover my nakedness. He shifts me in his arms, carrying me with purpose, footsteps echoing in this vast, empty space. I cling to him because I have to, and he won’t look at me as he takes me back to his bedroom, throwing the door open. The only light is that of the moon filtered by stained glass. He pulls the thick duvet back and he still won’t look at me until he sets me down and when his gaze meets mine, it’s so distant, so cold that it ices me out.
“What—” I start, but stop.
He pushes a hand through his hair. He turns his head and he’s far, far away. He may as well be in another room, another world. Another fucking continent. He shakes his head once and turns to the door and without a word, he’s gone, slamming that door so hard behind him that I swear I feel the ancient stone walls tremble with the force of his rage and I’m left collecting the blankets around me, trying to stop shivering, trying to get warm as come and blood and shame stain the sheets beneath me.
12
CASSIAN
“Fuck!” I slam my fist into the steering wheel. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”
I have never denied myself a woman, but I have a rule. A single fucking rule.
And after what I just went through. What I just saw? Wasn’t that enough to deter me forever? “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”
On top of everything, as if what I did wasn’t enough, she was a virgin.
The road is a blur before me, winding, snow falling thick and heavy. I should not be driving the old Ferrari in this.
Just a little, I’d said. Just a little. Because I’m a fucking idiot. I couldn’t stop. I knew I wouldn’t be able to, didn’t I? Some part of me knew. I wanted Allegra from the moment I saw her that first night. From the instant she walked into her father’s study and pressed her back to the door, and I heard her exhale as she shut everyone out.
I wanted. And I took. Took more than I should have taken and now I’ll pay the price.
Well, not me.
I punch the steering wheel once more, the engine screaming as I press my foot to the accelerator and take a blind corner too fast. Headlights come out of nowhere. Someone lays on their horn and I swerve, tires screeching. I miss the truck by centimeters.
My heart races as the sound of his horn fades. I pull off to the side of the road and stop, my breath hard, my heart thudding against my ribcage.
Get a grip, Cassian. Get a fucking grip. I’m tired. I’m fucking exhausted. I haven’t slept more than a few hours in the last three nights. I couldn’t.
I open the car door and step out. The night is freezing and I’m in a half-buttoned dress shirt. The other half of the buttons are scattered all over the chapel floor. Leaving the door open, I walk to the barrier, step over it to get to the end. Snow is settling here, crunching beneath my shoes, a blanket over the crushed beer cans, broken glass of emptied liquor bottles and cigarette butts. I walk to the very edge and look out into the raging ocean. Wind howls here. It sounds like I’d imagine Satan sounds.
Furious. Ferocious. Unforgiving.
From here, I can see the nose of Devil’s Peak on my property.
Just a little, I told her. The warmth of her body, the heat of her tight, virgin—fucking virgin—pussy was too much, too powerful a pull and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stop at a taste. One taste. Hell, I knew I wouldn’t. There issomething about this woman. Never before have I felt it. Never before have I wanted someone as badly as I want Allegra fucking Moretti. And it’s not just sex. Sex would be easy. A simple, human need satisfied. No, this is something far more dangerous. This is possession. A whole other level of need.
But fuck, to come inside her? What was I thinking? I wasn’t.
I push a hand into my hair and shake my head.
A sound breaks through the wind, familiar and persistent. It takes me a minute to realize it’s my phone. I look back at the car, the open door, the light. The ringing stops, but starts again immediately. If it was any other ringtone, I’d ignore it, but this one, I can’t.
I walk back to the car, feeling the freezing night air now. I may as well be naked out here the way I’m dressed. I find my phone on the driver’s seat. It must have slipped out of my pocket. I pick it up and answer.
“Hello,” I say, hearing how insane I sound.
“Cassian?” It’s Vivi.
I lean against the car and look up at the sky, watch the endless fall of snow coat the chaos of my life.
“How was he?” she asks, and I can hear the hope in her voice. Doesn’t she know there is no hope. No fucking hope. There will be no reversal. And if I hoped before, if I thought there might be anything to hold on to, the last three days erased that. Fucking obliterated anything as obscene as hope.
Which makes what I did so much more stupid.
