Page 66 of Love Notes and Late Nights
“So, he’s just making a fashion statement?”
“He always does.” Ethan clicked off the TV. “What’s on your mind?”
“You know what’s on my mind.” Wolf took a seat on the couch next to his friend. “I know it was a shock to find out about me and Harris, but you can understand why we were keeping things on the down low.”
“No. I can’t. We tell each other everything.Everything.Why wouldn’t you tell me you had real feelings for Harris? That it was more than just that random kiss.”
“Because I knew exactly what you’d say. You’d tell me I was being foolish and impulsive. That I was going to get my heart broken.”
“Yeah. You’re right. That’s exactly what I would have said, because I care about you. Getting involved with a close friend isn’t a good idea. It usually doesn’t turn out well.”
“Really?” Wolf smirked. “We’re still best friends.”
The sadness on Ethan’s face transformed it into something almost unrecognizable. “I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you. It guts me to know how much you were hurting, and I was too stupid to notice. Too wrapped up in my own shit to know how you felt. I don’t want that to happen to you again. Ever. He said you came to him over the years and told him how you felt. Why couldn’t you tell me?”
“Because I knew you didn’t feel the same way. It would have been awkward, and I was afraid we couldn’t move past it. That would’ve hurt a million times more.”
Ethan moved closer and placed his arm around Wolf’s shoulder. “Nothing would ever ruin our friendship. I love you.”
A lump formed in Wolf’s throat, and his chest tightened. “I love you too.”
Ethan gave him a side hug, their heads pressing together. “I just want you to be happy.”
“I want that too. I want what you and Tyler have.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid that you’re jumping into something with Harris because he’s here and offering it to you. I’m afraid you’re falling in love with the idea of being in love.”
“I appreciate that, Ethan, but I know what’s in my heart. I love Harris.”
Ethan pressed his lips together and didn’t say anything for several seconds. “Are you really in love with him? Are you sure?”
“Yes. Didn’t you hear me when I screamed it out the RV?”
“Is that what you said?”
“Yeah. How could younothave heard me?”
“The music in the distance drowned out everything. I just heard you yelling something about Harris.”
“I’m in love with Harrison Young. That’s what I yelled. I should have told you that right away when you walked in, and I feel bad that I didn’t.”
Ethan slowly nodded, his face expressionless. “I’m happy for you, Wolf.”
“You don’t look happy.”
“I’m just worried about you. And what this means for our relationship. A lot has changed, and I don’t want it to.”
“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t know you were still having nightmares until Harris told me. I didn’t know you and Harris were having late nights together before the tour. I didn’t know Harris was consoling you in the middle of the night when you couldn’t get back to sleep. I didn’t know you were struggling. Why didn’t you tell me? After all these years of friendship, why’d you feel like you couldn’t come to me?”
“Because you have your own life now. I can’t come knocking on your door at three a.m. because I got rattled from a bad dream. I can’t climb into your bed and have you hold me so I feel safe enough to fall back to sleep.”
The corners of Ethan’s mouth turned downward, and his gaze dropped to the floor. When he looked up, there were tears in his eyes. “I know. I miss that. You needed me. And I liked that. I didn’t like the reason behind it. I fucking hated it. But I liked that you needed me and that I could be the one to make you feel better.” He sighed. “I know this sounds fucked up, but I feel like Harris is replacing me.”
“That’s exactly how I felt about Tyler. That’s why I was so mean to him in the beginning and gave him such a hard time.”
“No one will ever replace you, Wolf. Ever.”
